Marriage

[Monica]

when you start a long course degree I know the first thought in most everyone's mind will be, "But, that will interfere with getting married and having children!" It's unfortunate that the first thought couldn't have been, "WOW, she has accomplished so much! She's making such a great life for herself all on her own!" Nope. That would only contradict generations of patriarchy's goal to chain my ankles to the kitchen, having one hand feeding my son and the other ironing my husband's shirt, given that the chain would be long enough for me to do so, of course.

Before I get everyone all riled up and start getting verbal attacks of being a "man-hating feminist", let me first say that feminism is NOT a women's issue. Plenty of men out there are feminists. Plenty of men do not agree with patriarchy. So, I don't hate on men. I like men.Plain and simple. Secondly, I am by no means saying that a woman who stays at home is not pro-feminism. I think that taking on the responsibility of caring for an entire household is not just a responsibility but, an actual job. A job that gets overlooked. A job that society doesn't give enough credit to. What does piss me off is the notion that this job is naturally a woman's job. Now that all of that is cleared up, I shall digress...

Back to an unmarried life. Yes, I would be twenty-four years old and unmarried. Looking through my MySpace and Facebook, I will easily estimate that at least half of my friends/classmates from high school would be engaged or married.We all know that relationships are never what they appear to be from an outside view. Hell, marriage doesn't even always equate to love. What those women have isn't necessarily what I need anyway.

Are we all settling because of this stupid timeline that decrees you a failure if you're not married by 30? Of course, love itself is relative to culture and differs from person to person, but are we really that uncomfortable with being unmarried? Why is it so horrible to live your life and better yourself in every way possible and just let love come to you? Why are we searching "out there" for someone to love us when love is already within ourselves? I would be lying if I said I don't enjoy companionship, but what is it that makes me need someone else? I don't believe a man would "complete" me. I believe I complete me...but then why do I long for someone else to validate me?

I have all these crazy questions and thoughts in my head. I suppose that's where my concoction begins to brew. I'm frustrated because I want the external voices to stop. I'm impatient to experience my idea of love. And I fear that by wanting Mr. Right to propose to me means that I am stunting my growth as an individual.

If I do fall in love and get married, I want to be a complete person. I want to be someone's partner, not his dependent. I suppose what I want right now is to truly believe that I could stand strong on my own. I want to truly believe that the ultimate love is a love that I already possess. A love that's been there all along, amidst any future boyfriends and dating scenes: self-love - the ultimate love.

Good Luck with that. This didn't have anything to do with what I posted though.

Again, best of luck.

[sweetest angel]

hmm seems like you want to get out of the debate because you are pre-convinced you are right? how are people to debate to minds that are already set in place? Then anything you say is taken like an air blow!.
Sure, you have every right to please your man and spit out babies, BUT you also have the right to choose a good, honest path for yourself which doesn’t fall into a restrictive category for women. I never said I won't be attracted to some man, God i can't count how many crushes I had, just the idea of tying one-self to man and family is what i oppose. You link the word "marriage" to the disney-like idea of happily ever after. If you are so sure that i won't be "normal" leading a single  life I can tell you that I am hell as sure that divorce rates are on the increase and that not every kid you raise would turn up to be the idol you anticipate. I am realistic and down to earth that's all. That is why i don't expect you to accept my views of life. You have been raised for 16 years? on those minds and prespectives, how can i expect anything less. My posts yesterday were short and didn't include al what I wanted since i used a mobile.

If you want to get out of this, no problem. And thanks for wishing me god luck. I'll do the same, you'll need it more than me in the life you want to walk into.
A man who wants a woman whose greatest passions in life are looking cute and adding to the gene pool is NOT good enough life for me.

[Monica]

As I said, you are not posting ANY facts so all what you are saying is just an opinion of yours which only matters to no one but you. =]

No one said marriage is the happily after life. Problems and fights happens, even between my mother and my father. This is life people who love each other fight, friends, sisters, parents etc etc

You want to stay alone, live alone and DIE ALONE then LOL sweety that's your choice. Your parents won't live forever, your friends will have their own lives even your siblings will find someone they love whom they will want to get married to, it will just be you earning money, being successful and spending it all on YOURSELF, yes only yourself because you are a person who wants to live alone.

I follow my religion which is common sense and logic. Nothing matters to me after that. =]

I don't believe in luck to be honest, so I'd rather tell you please pray for me to have a leading life with children who would be LEADERS, children who would take care of their mother when she gets old n sick, children who would pray for me when I am in my grave (just like my mom prays for her parents), children who I would have a non-stopping good deeds for what they do in this world (sadqa jariaha ya3ni), children who would change this world to the better and after all a husband who stays with me in my life forever and in my afterlife together in paradise inshAllah. =]

I was always strong with personality, no girl in this world could beat my strong personality, I don't even have MANY crushes like you, I don't even care about men and in my 16 years I achieved a lot but still I have logic. =]

[sweetest angel]

As I said, you are not posting ANY facts so all what you are saying is just an opinion of yours which only matters to no one but you. =]

No one said marriage is the happily after life. Problems and fights happens, even between my mother and my father. This is life people who love each other fight, friends, sisters, parents etc etc

You want to stay alone, live alone and DIE ALONE then LOL sweety that's your choice. Your parents won't live forever, your friends will have their own lives even your siblings will find someone they love whom they will want to get married to, it will just be you earning money, being successful and spending it all on YOURSELF, yes only yourself because you are a person who wants to live alone.

I follow my religion which is common sense and logic. Nothing matters to me after that. =]

I don't believe in luck to be honest, so I'd rather tell you please pray for me to have a leading life with children who would be LEADERS, children who would take care of their mother when she gets old n sick, children who would pray for me when I am in my grave (just like my mom prays for her parents), children who I would have a non-stopping good deeds for what they do in this world (sadqa jariaha ya3ni), children who would change this world to the better and after all a husband who stays with me in my life forever and in my afterlife together in paradise inshAllah. =]

I was always strong with personality, no girl in this world could beat my strong personality, I don't even have MANY crushes like you, I don't even care about men and in my 16 years I achieved a lot but still I have logic. =]

not marrying does not necessary mean i would get money to spend on myself. I never said that. I want to make a change so that more people would care about my well being or death.  More than just kids and husband. If you don't believe in luck how come you wish it to people? You seriously think that spending life like this is intruging. Its like a story copy-paste. I want sadqa jariah i'll build a mosque and get hasanat every time someone prays there. And to think your children would be leaders, are you? I mean why don't you think that like how you want to marry and have kids how are leaders, your kids would want the same thing. It'll be a wish clinging on getting kids to acheive. Seriously what part of giving your life to others is so pleasing to you? yeah may the power of logic be with us all. I don't state facts because like I said earlier, this sole surviving of a female alone is a new idea which is not expected to be adhered by people who have a copy-paste thinking like you. A few years back people would talk about women work and education with oh-so-many "facts" like you. They'll get quotes from everywhere and state it with their "strong personality". Google all the aticles and fights and rebillions that happened towards that issue. It was not accepted right away and was opposed by many, and this is what exactly i expect toward what i believe in. People find it easier to object and ridicuole new thoughts than to accept them and fight for them. I am not an -easy- to go person.

and just for the record: Its weird for someone with a "real" strong personality to say:"I was always strong with personality, no girl in this world could beat my strong personality". Thats overstating it, isn't it? And if it is not, this has to be remarked by others, not you.

[Monica]

not marrying does not necessary mean i would get money to spend on myself. I never said that. I want to make a change so that more people would care about my well being or death.  More than just kids and husband. If you don't believe in luck how come you wish it to people? You seriously think that spending life like this is intruging. Its like a story copy-paste. I want sadqa jariah i'll build a mosque and get hasanat every time someone prays there. And to think your children would be leaders, are you? I mean why don't you think that like how you want to marry and have kids how are leaders, your kids would want the same thing. It'll be a wish clinging on getting kids to acheive. Seriously what part of giving your life to others is so pleasing to you? yeah may the power of logic be with us all. I don't state facts because like I said earlier, this sole surviving of a female alone is a new idea which is not expected to be adhered by people who have a copy-paste thinking like you. A few years back people would talk about women work and education with oh-so-many "facts" like you. They'll get quotes from everywhere and state it with their "strong personality". Google all the aticles and fights and rebillions that happened towards that issue. It was not accepted right away and was opposed by many, and this is what exactly i expect toward what i believe in. People find it easier to object and ridicuole new thoughts than to accept them and fight for them. I am not an -easy- to go person.

and just for the record: Its weird for someone with a "real" strong personality to say:"I was always strong with personality, no girl in this world could beat my strong personality". Thats overstating it, isn't it? And if it is not, this has to be remarked by others, not you.

Let me tell you something, you are a selfish person. All you care about is yourself and no one else, that is why you will never be successful in your life. =]

Prove is here : "Seriously what part of giving your life to others is so pleasing to you?"

I won't comment any further, got an exam and I dislike wasting my time with people who are not willing to give their lives to other people because they are completely selfish. Face the fact and don't be angry. I like be honest. =]

As I said before, you are a muslim and if I would enter religion into this I would prove every single word of what you said wrong, but oh well rabena yahdeeki begad.lol. w yahdeeni ana kaman. =]

[Monica]

Closest people know I am a strong person, they even said it to me.

I faced many tough things in life which turned me to who I am right now. A strong person indeed, not physically but mentally.

Yes, I wish luck and still say "don't" forget praying.

[sweetest angel]

Closest people know I am a strong person, they even said it to me.

I faced many tough things in life which turned me to who I am right now. A strong person indeed, not physically but mentally.

Yes, I wish luck and still say "don't" forget praying.

Yeah i got an exam too. But if you have objected my opinion in a good way I would have told you that go lead a life with your thoughts and i'll lead a life with mine. But you used sarcasm and you would offend "you are selfish" and say don't be offended? How contradicting! If you have read twice you would see that I want to live a life to benefit the human race, not ONLY my kids. Not live to benefit only myself! Read and then post. "I want to make a change so that more people would care about my well being or death.''

As I said before I got an exam too, but I gave time to argue, decently, with someone who has twice offended and the said "no offence"! So that would be the only wrong thing I did here. If people have said it to you, that you got a strong persona, good for you. But don't go saying it to others to affect the way they judge you. As a person just meeting you, I have to make my own judgement, not be implied on track by you.Having a strong persona doesn't normally go with a tough tongue though.

And I will never "forget" to pray. That is another thing, read what you write before pressing the post button.

[Monica]

You really don't remember me? Last year we used to pm trying to solve chemistry doubts about moles together and we spoke a lot.! Omgish! I thought you knew me!!!!!!!

Again, I apologize, my honesty hurts at times.

[sweetest angel]

Let me tell you something, you are a selfish person. All you care about is yourself and no one else, that is why you will never be successful in your life. =]

Prove is here : "Seriously what part of giving your life to others is so pleasing to you?"

I won't comment any further, got an exam and I dislike wasting my time with people who are not willing to give their lives to other people because they are completely selfish. Face the fact and don't be angry. I like be honest. =]

As I said before, you are a muslim and if I would enter religion into this I would prove every single word of what you said wrong, but oh well rabena yahdeeki begad.lol. w yahdeeni ana kaman. =]

I don't really get why you insist on making this personal, you don't even know my name, who are you to judge me based on a topic of debate just because I choose the opposite side. That is not a healthy way to approach a debate by the way.

and : =] " is the fakest smile.Ever.

Yes " I thought" I knew you.sadly enough. But thanks for the apology. Please stop making it personal cause if I start dissing the conversation won't go anywhere.

W b3dein 2na dah ra2y, ma3 25telaf 2l2ara2 yabqa 2lwed beynana. fo2 2nek moslema zaye 2nty kaman masreya y3ni 2lmafrood 3la rasy...yb2a leih kda?

[sweetest angel]

You really don't remember me? Last year we used to pm trying to solve chemistry doubts about moles together and we spoke a lot.! Omgish! I thought you knew me!!!!!!!

Again, I apologize, my honesty hurts at times.

Yes I do remeber.And seeing how people talk to you, you appeared to be someone who would address this issue through the forum, not personally.

[Saladin]

when you start a long course degree I know the first thought in most everyone's mind will be, "But, that will interfere with getting married and having children!" It's unfortunate that the first thought couldn't have been, "WOW, she has accomplished so much! She's making such a great life for herself all on her own!" Nope. That would only contradict generations of patriarchy's goal to chain my ankles to the kitchen, having one hand feeding my son and the other ironing my husband's shirt, given that the chain would be long enough for me to do so, of course.

Before I get everyone all riled up and start getting verbal attacks of being a "man-hating feminist", let me first say that feminism is NOT a women's issue. Plenty of men out there are feminists. Plenty of men do not agree with patriarchy. So, I don't hate on men. I like men.Plain and simple. Secondly, I am by no means saying that a woman who stays at home is not pro-feminism. I think that taking on the responsibility of caring for an entire household is not just a responsibility but, an actual job. A job that gets overlooked. A job that society doesn't give enough credit to. What does piss me off is the notion that this job is naturally a woman's job. Now that all of that is cleared up, I shall digress...

Back to an unmarried life. Yes, I would be twenty-four years old and unmarried. Looking through my MySpace and Facebook, I will easily estimate that at least half of my friends/classmates from high school would be engaged or married.We all know that relationships are never what they appear to be from an outside view. Hell, marriage doesn't even always equate to love. What those women have isn't necessarily what I need anyway.

Are we all settling because of this stupid timeline that decrees you a failure if you're not married by 30? Of course, love itself is relative to culture and differs from person to person, but are we really that uncomfortable with being unmarried? Why is it so horrible to live your life and better yourself in every way possible and just let love come to you? Why are we searching "out there" for someone to love us when love is already within ourselves? I would be lying if I said I don't enjoy companionship, but what is it that makes me need someone else? I don't believe a man would "complete" me. I believe I complete me...but then why do I long for someone else to validate me?

I have all these crazy questions and thoughts in my head. I suppose that's where my concoction begins to brew. I'm frustrated because I want the external voices to stop. I'm impatient to experience my idea of love. And I fear that by wanting Mr. Right to propose to me means that I am stunting my growth as an individual.

If I do fall in love and get married, I want to be a complete person. I want to be someone's partner, not his dependent. I suppose what I want right now is to truly believe that I could stand strong on my own. I want to truly believe that the ultimate love is a love that I already possess. A love that's been there all along, amidst any future boyfriends and dating scenes: self-love - the ultimate love.

Harsh. But would you chose your uni degree over your son, a person who looks up to you? You dont have to get married at Uni, most people get married after that you know.

[Monica]

W b3dein 2na dah ra2y, ma3 25telaf 2l2ara2 yabqa 2lwed beynana. fo2 2nek moslema zaye 2nty kaman masreya y3ni 2lmafrood 3la rasy...yb2a leih kda?

loooool..ya benti ana mosh taking it personal! That is why I used the smile to show you eno I am not being personal.

Did you see me getting angry aw 7aga? Again I apologize don't like to enter debates aslan because they cause misconception.

[sweetest angel]

Harsh. But would you chose your uni degree over your son, a person who looks up to you? You dont have to get married at Uni, most people get married after that you know.

Ya they do. But if you choose to take the long path of a doctorate, say you are 30 something when you are done. People would look at this woman like a weird person for not thinking family life earlier, rather than appreciating her acheivments.

shousho....Its okay . rabena ma3aki in ur exams though. We you can continue to debate 3adi. Bas i got your point in this topic and no problem, deep down there I know i'll have to get married someday, I am just not looking forward to it. The society is much stronger than my views, but the longer i argue the longer i'll hold on. Or atleast I think so

[Saladin]

Ya they do. But if you choose to take the long path of a doctorate, say you are 30 something when you are done. People would look at this woman like a weird person for not thinking family life earlier, rather than appreciating her acheivments.

Well, I see nothing wierd in that. But, tell me, will she not have trouble getting married then?

[nid404]

Having trouble getting married at 30? No wayy...

People now marry much later than before. I wouldn't think of getting married before say 27/28. I wish to be something on my own, so I can start a family and look after it. I want my family to have a comfortable life.