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Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 337116 times)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4770 on: May 24, 2010, 04:24:05 pm »
Another one! It’s pretty rude, though… ::)

A psychiatrist called three women in for a test with their children. After long hours of testing, he found a serious obsession in all of the mothers.

He told the first, “you have a severe obsession with food. You called your daughter Candy!”

He told the second, “you are freakishly obsessed with money; you named your daughter Penny!”

Before the third mother could be told what her obsession was, she lead her son out of the office saying, “We don’t need to hear this, d*ck.”

Sorry, I hope its not too dirty.... I was running out of jokes :P
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4771 on: May 24, 2010, 04:26:55 pm »
Another :P

An elderly couple goes to Burger King and share their fries and burger. A trucker sitting next to them offers to pay for the old lady. "It's all right," says the old man husband. "We always share everything." On seeing that the old lady has not eaten anything anything, the trucker once again makes an offer. The old man once again assures the trucker to stay calm and resumes eating. Finally, the trucker asks the lady about why she is not eating. The old lady replies, " I am waiting for the teeth".
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Offline theone

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4772 on: May 24, 2010, 04:27:56 pm »
Quote from: lord kratos on May 24, 2010, 04:16:09 pm
A man is in a desert, dehydrated and almost dried up, when he sees a stable up ahead.

 He crawls over to it and knocks on the door. A man comes out, sees the poor man and nurses him back to health. When the man is better the nice man loads up a horse with food and water and put the man on it.

 “Now, this horse is special.” he says. “To make him go, you say ‘thank god’ to make him stop, you say halleljuah.
 The man thanks him and leaves, while yelling thank god. After an hour of riding, he starts to see a cliff ledge ahead. thank god! he says.
 He forgets how you make the horse stop. thank god! thank god! he says but the horse keeps gaining speed.Then, a few feet from the edge, he remembers. HALLELJUAH! he screams, as the horse screeches to a halt, inches away from the cliif edge. “thank god” he says

ha ha cute
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Offline theone

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4773 on: May 24, 2010, 04:30:14 pm »
Quote from: lord kratos on May 24, 2010, 04:24:05 pm
Another one! It’s pretty rude, though… ::)

A psychiatrist called three women in for a test with their children. After long hours of testing, he found a serious obsession in all of the mothers.

He told the first, “you have a severe obsession with food. You called your daughter Candy!”

He told the second, “you are freakishly obsessed with money; you named your daughter Penny!”

Before the third mother could be told what her obsession was, she lead her son out of the office saying, “We don’t need to hear this, d*ck.”

Sorry, I hope its not too dirty.... I was running out of jokes :P
not that dirty but very funny
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if you wanna get somewhere in life do something about it dont just leave it up to luck!!!!!!!

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4774 on: May 24, 2010, 04:33:49 pm »
Another ha haa

Brad, a local beachgoer, couldn't even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

"Dude, it's obvious," said the lifeguard. "You're wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You'll have all the babes you can handle."

The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it's not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

"For cryin' out loud," said Brad, "it's worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What's wrong now?"

"Jeez, Brad!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"
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Offline WARRIOR

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4775 on: May 24, 2010, 04:37:11 pm »
looooooooooooooorrrrrrrrdddddddddddddddddd kratooooooooz <3


ur the man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur jokes !!!!!!!!!!
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4776 on: May 24, 2010, 04:42:26 pm »
Thank u, kimo jesus ;D

Here's another one for ya ;)


A policeman is doing his usual rounds just before midnight when he passes a parking lot and notices a couple inside a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine.

The officer knocks on the driver's window and asks what's going on.

"Listening to music," the guy says. ??Pointing toward the young lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?"

"Reading a magazine, of course."

"How old are you?" asks the officer.

"I'm 23." ??"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well, in 11 minutes she'll be 18."
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4777 on: May 24, 2010, 04:45:36 pm »
here's another  ;)
but its a little dirty :P


A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. "Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?" he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: "First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this." The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

"Well," says the janitor, "I'm gonna need about a week to come up with the $500."
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4778 on: May 24, 2010, 04:49:16 pm »
another....
Man, I can't stop posting them...

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to heaven. God greets them and says, "Men, make two lines: one for those who dominated their women and one for those who were whipped. All the women can go with St. Peter."

After about an hour, God returns to find 2.5 billion men standing in the whipped line and only one guy in the dominant line.

"You men should be ashamed of yourselves!" God cries. "I created you in my image, and all of you cowed down to women? Can any of you explain this?" No one dares says a word.

God then turns to the man standing alone and says, "Tell me, my son, how did you manage to be the only one on this line?"

"I don't know," the guy replies, shrugging. "My wife told me to stand here."
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4779 on: May 24, 2010, 04:55:01 pm »
Holy sh*t!!!! :o
I posted 16 jokes just now...
It's a joke right? ;)
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Offline WARRIOR

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4780 on: May 24, 2010, 04:55:39 pm »
loooooool :P my wife told me to stand there hahahaha :P



i kno SF IS ADDICITVE :p and its nice to make ppl laugh :P
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4781 on: May 24, 2010, 04:56:58 pm »
yeah, I guess so ;D
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Offline dodi23

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4782 on: May 24, 2010, 07:16:59 pm »
lord kratooooos
as usual ur the joke master!!!!

here read this:
Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.



A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,”I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease, it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay.”
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.
“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.
“How come so much? I only bought 5 items!”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”
loool @hilariouuuus :D :D
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Offline DrEvil

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4783 on: May 24, 2010, 08:55:47 pm »
hahahaha...very nice jokes... ;D :D
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Offline Nobody

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #4784 on: May 25, 2010, 12:09:17 pm »
Quote from: dodi23 on May 24, 2010, 07:16:59 pm
lord kratooooos
as usual ur the joke master!!!!

here read this:
Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.



A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,”I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease, it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay.”
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.
“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.
“How come so much? I only bought 5 items!”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”
loool @hilariouuuus :D :D

oh!... smart lady.!
has anyone tried this in REAL life?
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