Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 153354 times)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #210 on: June 12, 2010, 02:04:06 pm »
Another.... :P :P



                                         Something Exciting


The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnny.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #211 on: June 12, 2010, 02:05:06 pm »
                                                       Adultery

There were three guys that died and went to heaven.

The first went up and then God said, "You have committed adultery so you shall own a bike."

The second guy comes up and God says, "You have almost committed adultery so you shall own a motorcycle."

The third guy goes up and then God says, "You have only thought about adultery so you shall get a Porsche!"

The first guy comes up to the man in the Porsche and starts Laughing and the man in the Porsche asks, "Why are you laughing? You only got a bike!"

The guy on the bike says, "I just saw your wife on a skateboard!"
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #212 on: June 12, 2010, 03:24:23 pm »
                                           A Colonel and a Major


A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure.

The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate.

The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion.

He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead. He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it"!
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #213 on: June 12, 2010, 03:26:06 pm »
                                               Missing Wife

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?", she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #214 on: June 12, 2010, 03:30:59 pm »
                                              Guardian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came cornering around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked....

"And where the hell were you when I got married?"
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #215 on: June 12, 2010, 03:35:47 pm »
Another!!! 8)

                                               Weird Family

A regular customer walked into a gay bar and ordered three martinis in a row. "Say, anything wrong?" asked the bartender. "I've had quite a shock," the man confessed. "I just found out my brother's a gay too." "Could be worse," the bartender pointed out. "Yeah, I suppose you're right...but my other brother's gay, too." The bartender raised his eyebrows. "Doesn't anyone in your family go for women?" "Yeah...my sister."

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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #216 on: June 12, 2010, 05:00:00 pm »
loooool @ lord kratos u made me laff my a** off!!!!
love ur jokes man, nd this tym u r gonna kill me!!
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Offline The Golden Girl =D

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #217 on: June 12, 2010, 09:20:12 pm »
loooool @ lord kratos u made me laff my a** off!!!!
love ur jokes man, nd this tym u r gonna kill me!!

haha ...no one is gonna die now , trust me .....cuz i'll be the first :P
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Offline contraentry

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #218 on: June 12, 2010, 10:23:45 pm »
Mr. Kratos;

Your jokes are skanky, un-ethical, immoral, and give rise to utter disgust upon reading them.

LOL, J/K.

THESE ARE SOME OF THE FUNNIEST I've EVER READ.

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #219 on: June 13, 2010, 07:25:16 am »
Thanks guys. ;D

Here's another!!! 8)


                                          I know the Whole Truth


At school a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

elemis

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #220 on: June 13, 2010, 07:27:59 am »
-_-

Sorry freaked, but that is SPAM. Please add some words next time.

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #221 on: June 13, 2010, 07:30:02 am »
Sorry freaked, but that is SPAM. Please add some words next time.

 ::) ::) ::) ::)

[not a spam  :P :P]
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elemis

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #222 on: June 13, 2010, 07:37:36 am »

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #223 on: June 13, 2010, 07:41:04 am »
Dont tempt me -_-

So I was right. ::) You are tempted by guys!!!! :P :P
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

elemis

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #224 on: June 13, 2010, 07:42:12 am »
So I was right. ::) You are tempted by guys!!!! :P :P

You make me feel sick.....