Clean jokes thread!!!

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

It seems your light bulb was the one screwed.

I mean 'Company Accounts' The subject name is already there 

And why did you tell that to me then?  

[immortal]

Ya,i got it,just wanted 2 get it clarified frm a nerd..dats all..
I just hope,dey dont ask screwed up questions

[thenewkid™]

hey kratos post some jokes man
sweet cheeks was awesome

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

hey kratos post some jokes man
sweet cheeks was awesome

Alright dude.



                                             

Baseball in Heaven

 

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to
their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His
friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about
their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when
you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for
you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is
sleeping when he hears his friend's voice.

The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

                                                  Dentist Visit
 

    A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."

    The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

                                                The Last Wish

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the
agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.  He gathered his remaining
strength and lifted himself from the bed.  Leaning against the wall, he
slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort,
gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.  Was
it heaven?  Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing
on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous
taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to
life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge
of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife, "Don't Ernest!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

                       Return to sender


A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing
happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that
for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as
usual, those jerks deducted $80.00.

[Saladin]

Are you just copying and pasting these things from the internet?

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Are you just copying and pasting these things from the internet?

Nope, I'm adding my lines too.

[WARRIOR]

nice onez lord ! but tbh i liked the mix dirty jokes + clean jokes
but too bad :/ i blame  A.F

[Meticulous]

nice onez lord ! but tbh i liked the mix dirty jokes + clean jokes
but too bad :/ i blame  A.F

You'll thank me when you see his jokes.

[WARRIOR]

You'll thank me when you see his jokes.

i was kidding By the way :p

[elemis]

nice onez lord ! but tbh i liked the mix dirty jokes + clean jokes
but too bad :/ i blame  A.F

Dont bring that up, please. Matter ended.

[Priceless]

hahaha i luv ur jokes lord

n Ari....gr8 job as a mod

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

                                      Accident

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."

The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."

The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."