Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 153339 times)

Offline [Ash]

  • ^-^
  • SF Senior Citizen
  • *****
  • Posts: 725
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Female
  • 24/7
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #780 on: August 26, 2010, 06:17:29 pm »
thanks Kim!! :)

All i Ever Did Was Love...And All You Did Was Lie... Never Understood It.But Never Asked You Why!?!?

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #781 on: August 31, 2010, 01:55:45 pm »
Fil da wrdz as soon as posible..

f_c_
b_o_s
d_c_
...__nd_m

i knw u guesd al wrng..
da answrz are
face
books
dice
random..

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #782 on: August 31, 2010, 01:58:43 pm »
Arrested for laughing!!
This is from an actual trial in the UK.
A young Woman who was several months pregnant was sittin in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her
she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat & he seemed more amused.
...She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, she filed a court case on him.

In the court the Man's defence was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon- The unknown boon'..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's stick did the trick'..
Then I could not control myself any longer,
when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident..
The case was dismissed.the judge fell off his chair laughing.

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #783 on: August 31, 2010, 01:59:41 pm »
In IIT exam,santa got a question

Prove
sinx=6n

...Santa cancelld n from both sides
Then
six=6
&

wrote
'Kuch to standard rakkha karo IIT ke question ka

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #784 on: August 31, 2010, 02:01:07 pm »
Using ur brain is strictly prohibited wen u enter in exam hall.

Q- U r in a boat in middle of river. U hav 2 candles & hav to light any 1 candle. U dnt hav anythng wid u in d boat. How 2 do it?

Ans-Take 1candle & throw it in d water.So d boat wil become LIGHTER. using this LIGHTER u cn light d other Candle.
...Another deadly ans-U throw a candle up & catch it. Catches win Matches. Using Matches u can light d candle.
If dat wasnt enough,1more ans-take water in ur hand & drop it drop by drop(TIP-TIP) "TIP TIP barsa Pani, Pani ne aag lagayee" us aag se hamne candle jalayee.
If dat wasnt enough even til now,1 more ans-start praising 1 candle, d other will get jealous & get lighted up.
this is style of answering in xams-Logic ho na ho length honi chahiye! Hws it?

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #785 on: August 31, 2010, 02:06:32 pm »
Short story....
2 friends!Mr.See and Mr.Saw... One day Mr.see saw sea &Mr.saw didnt see sea.See saw sea & jumped in sea.Saw didnt see sea but jumped in sea. See saw, saw in sea&saw saw, see in sea.See saw both saw sea and both saw and see were hapy to see sea.
The End
Any doubt?

...Dont ask me.

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #786 on: August 31, 2010, 02:14:20 pm »
If Columbus had
been MARRIED
he might hav never
discoverd
America..
...
Bcoz :

Whr r u goin?

Wth whm?

Hw r u goin?

2 discvr wht?

y only u?

Wht do I do, whn
u r nt here?

Cn I cm?

Cmng back
whn?

Dinner ghar par
hi khaoge na?

Mere liye kya
laoge?

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #787 on: August 31, 2010, 02:17:27 pm »
 pROVE 1 RE+=100PS

MEDICL STUDNT ab toh uupar wala hi ye kr sakta hai

COMMERCE STUDENT chodo its not in course
...
ENGINEERING STUDENT lhs=1Re

=100ps=10psx10ps=.1Rpx.1Rup

=.01Rs=1Ps thus 1re=1Ps hence provd

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #788 on: August 31, 2010, 02:23:11 pm »
An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:


Dear Dad,

...Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari
599GTB
when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son,

Nasser


The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:


My dear loving son,

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account.
Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love,

your Dad

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #789 on: September 02, 2010, 11:01:53 am »
Air and students have da same mentality.......
.
.
.
.
...hw??!!
.
.
.
both turn da pages without readin!!! :D

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #790 on: September 02, 2010, 11:05:51 am »
who says english is easy
fill in the blanks with yes or no
________i am mad.
________i dont have sense.
________i am fool.
...

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #791 on: September 02, 2010, 11:49:42 am »
Santa asked guest- Thanda Loge Ya Garam.

Guest- I will take both..

Santa- Pretooooo...
...
Preeto- JI Sardaar ji

Santa- Ek glass freezer se or ek glass geezer se PANI le aao..

Offline Master_Key

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #792 on: September 02, 2010, 11:51:01 am »
Santa got a new job in vodafone..

But See Santa again is so unfortunate here..

He was fired on the first day Because...!!!
...
1st caller- yaar mera vodafone ka sim nahi chal raha hai...

Santa- Arre tussi vi na.. to airtel ka le le..

Offline DrEvil

  • The Gifted One!
  • Honorary Member
  • SF Overlord
  • *****
  • Posts: 12625
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
  • Love all, trust a few!
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #793 on: September 03, 2010, 10:27:42 am »
Panda Joke

A Panda walks into a restaurant and orders the special of
the day. He eats the food, gets up and shoots the waitress
dead.

The hostess runs over to the Panda and says, “What did
you do that for?”

The Panda then says,”Look up ‘Panda” in the dictionary,
Miss and you will see...”

And with that, the Panda walked out of the restaurant.

The hostess then rushes to a dictionary, looks up ‘Panda’
and reads...”Panda, n., mammal, eats shoots and leaves.”


“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.”

Offline DrEvil

  • The Gifted One!
  • Honorary Member
  • SF Overlord
  • *****
  • Posts: 12625
  • Reputation: 65535
  • Gender: Male
  • Love all, trust a few!
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #794 on: September 03, 2010, 10:30:06 am »
The Pope and the Trooper

The Pope comes to America. Of course, he’s very busy.
Masses, rallies, dinners, events, etc. For security, he has
the same limo driver daily.

One evening at a banquet, he sees a chance to sneak
away unnoticed. He goes out back, finds his limo, knocks
on the window and finds the driver lounging in the rear seat
eating a huge sandwich with his feet up on the seat.

Driver: Your holiness! I’m so sorry. Where can I take you?
Forgive me!

Pope: Sit, eat, my son. Truthfully, I’d like to take the car for
a drive. I’m the Pope, and everything is done for me. I’ve
never driven an automobile. Please allow me.

Driver: Certainly, Your Holiness. Let me assist.

Pope: Sit, my son. Finish your dinner.

The Pope begins to drive. Naturally, he is not very good at it
as he has never done this before. After hitting several
parked cars, lamp posts, and stop signs, he is pulled over
by a state trooper.

The police man gets out of his cruiser, approaches the
driver’s window and knocks. The Pope lowers the window,
Trooper eyes the scene and retreats to his cruiser. Immediately,
he grabs his cell phone and phones the governor.

Trooper: Governor, this is State Trooper Wilson. I’ve just
pulled over the most important person in the world for a
serious traffic violation but I don’t know what to do.

Gov: Wilson, who could you possibly have pulled over?

Trooper: I have no idea, but he’s sitting in the back seat of a
limo, eating a sandwich and the Pope is his driver!


“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.”