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Clean jokes thread!!!
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Proof Before Selling *** ::)
A little old lady moves to a new town and goes to her local grocery store to buy some cat food. She picks up 3 cans and takes them to the check-out counter. The girl at the cash register says, "I'm sorry but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. Lots of older people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the food for a real cat."
The little old lady doesn't like it, but she goes home and brings her cat back to the store. They sell her the cat food.
The next day she goes in to buy 3 cans of dog food. Again the cashier demands proof that she has a dog, because old people sometimes eat dog food.
She angrily goes home to get her dog. When she brings him back, she gets her dog food.
The next day she comes into the store carrying a box with a hole in the lid. When she asks the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier refuses. "No, you might have a snake in there!"
The old lady insists, telling her that there's nothing alive in the box.
So the cashier puts her finger in the box and feels something odd. She pulls her finger out and says, "Eww, that smells like sh*t!"
The little old lady says, "It is. Now can I buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Politicians on a Bus Accident***
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Two Mice in a Bathroom ***
Two mice were sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub. The first mouse looks over to his friend and, referring to the toilet, asks, "Wanna go for a swim?"
The second mouse quickly replies. "Oh, no! I'm never going in there again!!!"
"Well, why not?" says the first mouse.
"Well," starts his friend, "I was in there about a week ago swimming around and minding my own business and all of a sudden it got real dark, it started raining, it started thundering, and if somebody wouldn't have thrown me a log, I would have drowned!"
***exam***:
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
iluvme:
--- Quote from: dodi23 on June 30, 2010, 09:00:19 pm ---A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends
wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business
site and the owner read the card,…. "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was,
the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than
getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking
place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… 'Congratulations on
your new location!'"
--- End quote ---
rofl!!!!
+ rep
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