Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 359232 times)

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1050 on: June 01, 2009, 12:33:40 pm »
If you ever get pulled over for speeding!
 
A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?

Driver: Yes, mate.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Boot is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, as well.
 

Offline AS girl

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1051 on: June 01, 2009, 12:35:14 pm »
Nice, funny,entertaining stories!! just wondering from where r u getting these ???
If i fall along the way pick me up and dust me off...and if i get too tired to make it..be my breath so i can walk!!

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1052 on: June 01, 2009, 12:37:21 pm »
Nice, funny,entertaining stories!! just wondering from where r u getting these ???

http://www.funny-haha.co.uk

enjoy  :)

(for one hour only, then continue studies !!  :P)

Offline X Abdulrahman X

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1053 on: June 01, 2009, 12:41:11 pm »
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”

The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis to whom women will flock.” The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers, continue reading….








The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story: Women think they’re so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen
When they talk about me they say I be trippin
What they say about me doesn't make me mad 
I think they hatin cause they see me when I'm rollin
Man I can't help it that they really doin bad  =P

Big cars, Big wheels, Big chains, Big pimpin', Big money, Big Dreams ;-)

Offline AS girl

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1054 on: June 01, 2009, 12:42:19 pm »
Quote
http://www.funny-haha.co.uk

enjoy  :)

(for one hour only, then continue studies !!  :P)

Inshallah dont worry :D
If i fall along the way pick me up and dust me off...and if i get too tired to make it..be my breath so i can walk!!

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1055 on: June 01, 2009, 12:44:51 pm »
LMAO!!! + REP abdulrahamn and q80boy!!

damn that was funy :D!!

although my jokes are better  :P  jk

aight im gonna give u a killer one.. just before I say it..

the word "Penis" is not a swear word, I took it in Bio class.. so dont report me. -Rep me nor Ban me k?

here it goes:

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?


ROFL!!!

Offline X Abdulrahman X

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1056 on: June 01, 2009, 12:46:49 pm »
hehe :P

School days are over!

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What‘s so funny Bobby?“

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.“

“Get out of my classroom,“ she yells, “I don‘t want to see you for three days!“

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, “What‘s so funny Billy?“

“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.“ Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!“ This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - “I don‘t want to see you for three weeks!“ Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.

So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“And where do you think you are going?“ she asks.

“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!“
When they talk about me they say I be trippin
What they say about me doesn't make me mad 
I think they hatin cause they see me when I'm rollin
Man I can't help it that they really doin bad  =P

Big cars, Big wheels, Big chains, Big pimpin', Big money, Big Dreams ;-)

Offline X Abdulrahman X

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1057 on: June 01, 2009, 12:53:15 pm »
LMAO i just read the most funniest joke everrr lol, its kinda dirty but its funnny XDDD unfortunatly i cant post it here :(
When they talk about me they say I be trippin
What they say about me doesn't make me mad 
I think they hatin cause they see me when I'm rollin
Man I can't help it that they really doin bad  =P

Big cars, Big wheels, Big chains, Big pimpin', Big money, Big Dreams ;-)

Offline AS girl

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1058 on: June 01, 2009, 12:57:40 pm »
hehehe see this website! it has plenty of good jokes
http://www.activejokes.com/cat.php?cn=HOT
If i fall along the way pick me up and dust me off...and if i get too tired to make it..be my breath so i can walk!!

Offline AS girl

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1059 on: June 01, 2009, 12:59:01 pm »
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My back itches, and I can't scratch it!"
If i fall along the way pick me up and dust me off...and if i get too tired to make it..be my breath so i can walk!!

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1060 on: June 01, 2009, 01:19:19 pm »
Embarrassing situations!
 
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the
bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Erm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a university student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs "What do you mean, 200 Quid!?"

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1061 on: June 01, 2009, 01:21:11 pm »
A Parent's Worst Nightmare!
 
A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that is one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.

In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don't worry about money, Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement.

Apparently I can earn $50 a scene and I get a $50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra $100 if they use a horse. Don't worry Mum, now I'm 15 years old I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

P.S. Dad, it's not true, I'm at a neighbours house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your BMW.
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1062 on: June 01, 2009, 01:23:12 pm »
The Blind Mans Blonde Joke
 
A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1063 on: June 01, 2009, 01:23:47 pm »
A Parent's Worst Nightmare!
 
A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that is one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.

In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don't worry about money, Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement.

Apparently I can earn $50 a scene and I get a $50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra $100 if they use a horse. Don't worry Mum, now I'm 15 years old I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

P.S. Dad, it's not true, I'm at a neighbours house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your BMW.
 



Clever b***!!

LMFAOO!!!!

Offline Dib0llo

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1064 on: June 01, 2009, 01:24:44 pm »
LMAO!!! + REP abdulrahamn and q80boy!!

damn that was funy :D!!

although my jokes are better  :P  jk

aight im gonna give u a killer one.. just before I say it..

the word "Penis" is not a swear word, I took it in Bio class.. so dont report me. -Rep me nor Ban me k?

here it goes:

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?


ROFL!!!


Thats overrated.. not right   >:(