Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 371211 times)

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1020 on: June 01, 2009, 10:47:51 am »
ya,

this thread is nothing without monica  :P

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1021 on: June 01, 2009, 10:51:36 am »
i knowww.. lol.. !!

and Im sitting here waiting for her :P

Cus miraculously my IE is working today ...pheww...!!!  :D
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1022 on: June 01, 2009, 10:52:43 am »
when does accounting end? cuz i think this is wuts holding her

@roxy: lol, and today i finally got my broadband connection reactivated
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline Ghost Of Highbury

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1023 on: June 01, 2009, 10:53:56 am »
haha..lol
this topic is abt jokes guys

posts some jokes and make the place lively..

divine intervention!

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1024 on: June 01, 2009, 10:59:24 am »
51 days

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four
exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the centre is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1025 on: June 01, 2009, 11:03:01 am »
Dear Ricky

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:


Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1026 on: June 01, 2009, 11:04:23 am »
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA....

good one :P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1027 on: June 01, 2009, 11:12:00 am »
second one is HILARIOUS
and if you got more, keep 'em coming
+rep
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1028 on: June 01, 2009, 11:17:16 am »
I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To New York...
 
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn?t have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her.
He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said,
"I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1029 on: June 01, 2009, 11:18:02 am »
Job Application
 
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1030 on: June 01, 2009, 11:32:55 am »
people with "clean" minds wont understand this one  :P

Boiled egg!
 
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: It may take a while for me to get hard, I just got laid yesterday.
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1031 on: June 01, 2009, 11:35:04 am »
Directory Enquiries
 
The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That"s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room.

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water.

Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.

Caller: I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.

Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on!
 

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1032 on: June 01, 2009, 11:41:08 am »
ok, here comes a riddle:

I come in darkness, but fill the mind with light. I bring enlightenment to some, while gripping others in the hand of fear. With me it can be a journey of inexplicable joy and sorrow. What I will show you will often be unreachable. Journey with me and what you see may haunt you. Journey with me and you may never want to return home. Journey with me and you will never know when it will end. What am I?
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1033 on: June 01, 2009, 11:46:45 am »
your dreams !!  ;D

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1034 on: June 01, 2009, 11:50:52 am »
was it really that easy?!
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely