Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 333220 times)

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2550 on: June 08, 2009, 12:44:01 pm »
Punctuation
 
An English professor wrote the words
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2551 on: June 08, 2009, 12:45:45 pm »
Why study? (thats a classic  :P)
 
Instead of studying for the last exam of their college careers, four seniors spent the night partying in the house they had rentedoff campus. The next morning they waited until the test would bealmost finished, and then made their way to class. Along the way they all put grease on their hands to support the story they were going to tell their professor. The class was almost done with the exam, when all four seniors burst into the room. They report to the professor that they had a flat tyre along the way and could they please retake the test? The professor said that he was a reasonable man, so he scheduled a test date for the following week.
Their plan had worked!
They studied diligently for the next week, making the most of their time. The day of the make-up came, andthey were ready for anything. Each senior was placed alone in a separate classroom for the test. The first question, worth 5 points, was easy. The second question was worth 95 points, and it simply read, "Which tyre?"
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2552 on: June 08, 2009, 12:47:07 pm »
Cup Final Seat (this man is a real footy fan  :P)
 
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the FA Cup Final from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium.

About halfway through the first half, Bob notices an empty seat 5 rows off the pitch right on the halfway line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the elderly gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1962."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

Offline Ghost Of Highbury

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2553 on: June 08, 2009, 12:50:48 pm »
hahha
nice ones
divine intervention!

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2554 on: June 08, 2009, 12:52:42 pm »
Thanks adi  ;)


Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2555 on: June 08, 2009, 12:53:46 pm »
Blond in a bath
 
A blond woman buys a bath, the next day she returnes to the shop claiming it's broken and leaking water, she says every time i fill it up it just empties. The shop keeper replies have you put the plug in it, she replys "I never knew it was electrical"
 

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2556 on: June 08, 2009, 12:56:15 pm »
The Monk (voted best ending to a religous joke  :P)
 
A man is driving down the road when his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car has broken down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks themanyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."


The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.....



But I can't tell YOU what it is, because YOU'RE not a monk!

Offline Spog

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2557 on: June 08, 2009, 02:10:56 pm »
lol, that was so good Q80BOY !!!
i was actually dying to know wat it was
oh well...........  :D

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2558 on: June 08, 2009, 04:19:47 pm »
time for my joke to get +rep
xD

Offline kam

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2559 on: June 08, 2009, 04:20:29 pm »
lol, that was so good Q80BOY !!!
i was actually dying to know wat it was
oh well...........  :D

it gets u on the edge of ur seat dunnit?

Offline kam

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2560 on: June 08, 2009, 04:21:09 pm »
time for my joke to get +rep
xD

ill give u one b4
cuz i know itll be a good one ;D

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2561 on: June 08, 2009, 04:21:48 pm »
Staff IQ Test

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (Scroll down)







First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?




















Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.









Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




























Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, and then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?









You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.
























Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?












Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

























Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again



Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?























He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

Offline kam

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2562 on: June 08, 2009, 04:25:53 pm »
Staff IQ Test

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (Scroll down)







First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?




















Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.









Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




























Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, and then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?









You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.
























Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?












Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

























Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again



Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?























He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.


these are awsome!!

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2563 on: June 08, 2009, 04:34:05 pm »
Thanks :D

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2564 on: June 08, 2009, 04:35:12 pm »
wow!! nice jokes peeps :P