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Clean jokes thread!!!
Arthur Bon Zavi:
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Lana Wolf:
--- Quote from: ~Ahana~ on August 03, 2010, 01:16:18 pm ---SHE WAS SO BLONDE.................
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate"
* she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
* she got stabbed in a shoot-out
* she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"
* she thought TuPac Shakur was a jewish holiday
* she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
* she sat on the tv and watched the couch
* she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
* she tried to drown a fish
* she thought a quarterback was a refund
* she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
* if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
* they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
* under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
* she tripped over a cordless phone
* she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
* at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius"
* she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
* it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
* if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
* she studied for a blood test - and failed
* she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center
* she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
* she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
* she sold the car for gas money
* when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
* when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
* she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
* when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
* when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
* Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"
--- End quote ---
hahahaha... +rep
I lovee blond jokes.. loll ::) :D :D
nid404:
Thankcha :D
This place is so friggin DUULLLLLLL ::)
People need to cheer up ::) :P
So here you go....for all those depressed asses out there ;D
(learn to laugh at stupid things ::) )
There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
___________
::)
nid404:
GARFIELD FTW!!!!!!!! ;D
Garfield: Another day ruined.
[on seeing Odie bringing Jon's paper in for him]
Garfield: Oh, you little suck-up!
_________________________________
[Garfield shoves Odie off a chair]
Garfield: Down, dumb dog!
[Odie jumps on Garfield's chair again]
Garfield: Whoa... what part of "no" don't you understand? The push-off-the-chair?
[pushes Odie off the chair]
Garfield: Off! I don't wanna play!
[Odie jumps on Garfield's chair one more time]
Garfield: Look, what am I supposed to say? Thanks, for saving my hide with Luca? Okay, thanks for saving my hide with Luca.
[pushes Odie off the chair]
Garfield: Get off!
_____________________________
Jon Arbuckle: What am I gonna do with you?
Garfield: Love me, feed me, never leave me.
_____________________________
Jon Arbuckle:You know what the world needs?
Garfield:(thinking)More sugary treats!?
Jon Arbuckle: Love!
Garfield: What are you some kind of a nut?
_____________________________
nid404:
Famous Garfield quotes :D
I'm not over-weight, I'm under-tall.
Diet is "die" with a "t."
I'll rise, but I won't shine.
I'm not messy. I'm organizationally challenged!
All I do is eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat's life than that. But I hope not.
Anybody can exercise... But this kind of lethargy takes real discipline.
Avoid fruits and nuts: after all, you are what you eat.
Some people have anxiety attacks, some people have gas attacks ...I have nap attacks.
Good times are ahead! Or behind. Because they sure aren't here.
Odie, let's talk effort versus return here. You know, you can still lead a pointless life without all that running around.
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