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Clean jokes thread!!!
DrEvil:
A man was praying to god.
He said, " God ?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, " Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to y ou?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, " God can I have a penny ?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!.......just a second ."
DrEvil:
Readers discretion is advised!
Three women eating ice-cream
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies
"No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
DrEvil:
Robot Trouble
One day Raju's dad bought a robot, The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Raju returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?". Raju answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Raju on his face. His dad told him son that his robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, "Why are you late?" "Dad I went for a movie", "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Splatt Raju got a tight slap on the face from the robot.
"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things." Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Raju's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Raju's mothers face."
DrEvil:
Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk
with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask
him.One boy raised his hand and stood up.
Bush: what's your name
John: john
Bush: what's your question
John: sir I have three questions
1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO
2) where is osama
3) why do America support Pakistan so much
Bush: you are an intelligent student john. ( just then the bell for
recess rang).
oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any
question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush :What's your name?
Peter : sir I have 5 questions.
1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO
2) where is osama
3) why do America support Pakistan so much
4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time
5) where is JOHN?
DrEvil:
Daughter-in-Law
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.
The new wife, was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech, "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. "No, I will never do that, never in a million years.
" "What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws) Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, and those who used to clean should continue cleaning !!!
"And what are you here for?" enquired the mother-in-law.
"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST FOR YOUR SON !!"
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