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Clean jokes thread!!!
DrEvil:
Titanic song remake for Orkut
Every time in my orkut
I see you. I scrap you.
That is how I know you
go on...
Far across the Scrap Book
And testimonials between us
You have come to show you. Go on..
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
Testimonials can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're friends
Love was when I saw your friends list
One true time I held on her 'about me',
In my life I'll surely view her/his profile
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
There is some amazing profile that will not
go away
You're here, there's so much to fear,
And I know that my friend will know I checked her/him out
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my friends list
And my friends list will go on and on..
DrEvil:
Readers discretion is advised!
Types of Farts! :D
ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out.
JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its
great escape.
GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the
person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
DrEvil:
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Heart Hacker:
ROFL !! nice +rep !! :D
DrEvil:
The Robbery
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.' Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"
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