Clean jokes thread!!!

[Freaked12]

On this day...
June 18: International Delicious Beverage Day
1264 – The Parliament of Ireland meets at Castledermot in County Kildare, the first definitively known meeting of this Irish legislature. In session, the parliament discusses beer rationing, leprechaun sightings, and whiskey rationing, and also hires St. Patrick to address the rampant snake problem.
1812 – War of 1812: The U.S. Congress declares war on the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. The British respond by taxing the U.S. tea supply to ridiculous proportions, and ceasing the exporting of cricket and croquet materials to North America.
1887 – The Reinsurance Treaty between Germany and Russia is signed, ending all conflicts between the two nations permanently.
1917 - The first carbonated drink is put on the market. People are unaware of the dangers in Cocaine Cola.
1928 – Aviator Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly in an aircraft across the Atlantic Ocean (she was a passenger; Wilmer Stutz was the pilot and Lou Gordon the mechanic). She also becomes the first woman to nag a pilot in midflight across the Atlantic Ocean.
1983 – Space Shuttle program: STS-7, Astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space. She also becomes the first American woman to nag a fellow astronaut in space.
2007 - St. Peter's Basilica is most likely to awaken from its two-year slumber on this day, according to Vatican-sponsored astrological studies. False Popes are currently being prepared to divert its attention and appetite in anticipation of events on the day.
2009 - International Delicious Beverage Day Cancelled Due To European Bovril Famine

[Freaked12]

Alright these are little bit racist but (could be taken as a compliment)

-How do You kill a Jew without harming him in any way-Toss a coin and watch 2 jews fight over it to death.

-How do You Kill a catholic priest with out harming him in any way, toss a kid and watch them fight and the winner gets to fight Michael Jackson. 
How does the Chinese kids in class get so ahead in test scores? They look over white kids’ papers through slanted eyes…you can’t tell they’re cheating.
-What do you call a Jewish football game: To get the quarter back.

-You heard UFO sightings peak around Mexican holidays? Those illegal aliens need to go back to their world.

[Freaked12]

Passed by a Moderator.
Servant of Allah
« Sent to: Arsenal<3 on: Today at 12:04:31 AM »
 I think they're okay 

[Freaked12]

GEORGE W. BUSH QOUTES....WILL LIVE LONG IN MEMORY.taken from uncyclopedia

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."
~ on America

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
~ on war

"A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser."
~ on peace

"The pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue states: red states for Republicans, blue states for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."
~ on bipartisanship

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
~ on education

"When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it – this is knowledge."
~ on knowledge

"We have perhaps a natural fear of ends. We would rather be always on the way than arrive. Given the means, we hang on to them and often forget the ends."
~ on the future

[dodi23]

Alright these are little bit racist but (could be taken as a compliment)

-How do You kill a Jew without harming him in any way-Toss a coin and watch 2 jews fight over it to death.

-How do You Kill a catholic priest with out harming him in any way, toss a kid and watch them fight and the winner gets to fight Michael Jackson. 
How does the Chinese kids in class get so ahead in test scores? They look over white kids’ papers through slanted eyes…you can’t tell they’re cheating.
-What do you call a Jewish football game: To get the quarter back.

-You heard UFO sightings peak around Mexican holidays? Those illegal aliens need to go back to their world.

aresonaaal!!!! nyss ur taking over!!!

[dodi23]

srry spelled ur name rong

[dodi23]

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

[The Golden Girl =D]

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

haha ..hathi raw3a

[dodi23]

Thanks gg
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

[dodi23]

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

[dodi23]

3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

[dodi23]

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

[The Golden Girl =D]

first one rocks lol
second one ..the guy is muta5alif lol
third one ..just simply HAHAAHAHHA lol  
fourth one ......hahaha ..wallahi miskeen ildude da lol

[dodi23]

golden gurll Thanks yallah hv gd laff
One day, Satan was out for a walk through Hell, making sure things were running smoothly. When he got to the Lake of Fire, he saw a man sitting by the lake, relaxing in a lawn chair, and not sweating or looking uncomfortable at all. Perplexed, Satan approached the man and asked:

"Young man, are you not hot or bothered by this heat?" The man replied, "Oh no, not at all. I lived in downtown Toronto and this weather is just like a typical July day in the city." Satan thought that this was not a good sign, so he rushed back to his office and turned up the heat in Hell another 100 degrees. Satisfied with himself, he again returned to the Lake of Fire to check on the young man.

When he got there, the man was showing a few beads of sweat, but that was all. Again Satan asked the Torontonian, "Are you hot and uncomfortable yet?" The young man looked up and said, "No, the temperature is just like a hot August day in Toronto. I'm coping it just fine."

Satan decided that he had to do something drastic to make this man's stay in Hell unpleasant. He went back to his office, turned the heat all the way down, and then turned up the air conditioning. The temperature in Hell quickly dropped well below zero. As he approached the Lake of Fire, he noticed that it was now frozen over. He also saw the Torontonian jumping up and down wildly, waving his arms and yelling into the air.

"This looks promising!" thought Satan. Coming closer, he finally made out what the man was shouting: "The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup! The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!"

[dodi23]

LAWWWL
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!