Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 153412 times)

Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #270 on: June 18, 2010, 04:20:57 pm »
Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun.

They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" they asked him.

"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #271 on: June 18, 2010, 04:22:08 pm »
A mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #272 on: June 18, 2010, 04:23:11 pm »
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #273 on: June 18, 2010, 04:26:16 pm »
my 700th post!!!!! ;D ;D

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #274 on: June 18, 2010, 04:29:48 pm »
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #275 on: June 18, 2010, 04:34:09 pm »
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cursing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say A**."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your A** it won't be Cheerios!"
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #276 on: June 18, 2010, 04:39:41 pm »
   

A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been.
"Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy.
"Really? and what do you play?" asks the father.
"I play a man who has been married for twenty years".
"That's nice son", says the father, "you do a good work and one day the'll give you a speaking role".
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #277 on: June 18, 2010, 04:40:59 pm »
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
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Offline Heart Hacker

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #278 on: June 19, 2010, 12:43:07 pm »
nyssshhhhhhhh ..... no comments...they r just awesome ;D
Hope for the Best .....Expect the Worst ;)

Thank Allah for everything :)

elemis

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #279 on: June 19, 2010, 03:55:24 pm »
@dodi23  Please be careful when posting jokes. I had to delete one since it was VERY dirty.

Offline contraentry

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #280 on: June 19, 2010, 04:50:13 pm »
@dodi23  Please be careful when posting jokes. I had to delete one since it was VERY dirty.

Because this forum is a Fluffy Bunny Society.

elemis

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #281 on: June 19, 2010, 04:55:35 pm »
Because this forum is a Fluffy Bunny Society.

Are you uncomfortable with Fluffy Bunnies ?

Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #282 on: June 19, 2010, 05:09:47 pm »
@dodi23  Please be careful when posting jokes. I had to delete one since it was VERY dirty.

oops.....my bad srry :-[
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Offline dodi23

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #283 on: June 19, 2010, 05:12:51 pm »
Because this forum is a Fluffy Bunny Society.

lool ::)
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Offline contraentry

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #284 on: June 19, 2010, 10:54:10 pm »
Are you uncomfortable with Fluffy Bunnies ?

No!

I'm jus' sayin'...