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Clean jokes thread!!!
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Hey!!!! I post so many jokes here and I don't get +repped!!! >:( >:(
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Alright people..... spread the smile... :P :P >:D >:D
The Gun and the Watch
Two friends, an Italian boy and a German boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy's father presents him with a brand-new pistol.
On the other side of town, at his Bar , the German boy receives a beautiful gold watch.
The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other's present better, and so they trade.
That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees him looking at the watch.
"Where did you getta thatta watch?" asks the man.
The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded.
The father blows his top. "Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you? "Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe somma day you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch and say, "How longa you gonna be?"
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Letter to GOD USA
A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00.
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
>:D >:D >:D >:D
A Pastor in a Neighborhood Pub
A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the toilet. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the toilet?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use the toilet!"
"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there -- and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"
"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"
So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the toilet.
After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the toilet, and now the place is hopping again."
"Well, now you're one of us!" said the bartender. "Would you like a drink too?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, a bell behind the bar rings five times. Now, how about a drink?"
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Bad Dog ::) ::)
A guy walks into a bar, looking all depressed. He goes to the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender brings it to him and asks "Do you want to talk about something? You look kinda down in the dumps".
The guy says "Well, I've suspected that my wife has been cheating on me for months, so today I took the day off work tofollow her. Well, when I came home, I caught her with my best friend!"
"Wow, that must have been hard!" the bartender says "What exactly do you say to your friend in a situation like that?"
The guy at the bar replies "Well, I looked him straight in the eye, and I yelled BAD DOG!"
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