Jokes and stuff...

[Lana Wolf]

You know you've been In College Too Long...When...

You consider McDonald's "real food."

You actually like doing laundry at home.

4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.

It starts getting late on the weeknights.

Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.

You'd rather clean than study.

Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.

Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.You know the pizza boy by name.

You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.

You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)

Prank phone calls become funny again.

Wal-Mart is the coolest store.

World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.

You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.

Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.

You find out milk crates have so many uses.

The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).

[Lana Wolf]

Freds' Note

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

[SGVaibhav]

hmm i making this up ....
something like...

U put the white stuff in the hairy area..
then u keep rubbing it... rub it hard... and u will see white foam

shampooo
i know its not that good, but u all can rephrase it and make it better

[Monica]

Freds' Note

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

hahahahaha....!!! Good one.

@sgvaibhav..loool..hahaha, u r trying to copy that joke..haha 

[nid404]

hey teju those were really good

I have 1
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates


Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.


2. One doubt is whether any “re-scooter” is available in system? I find only “re-cycle”, but I own a scooter at my home.


3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?


5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.


8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?


9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.


Regards,



Banta


Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS

[Lana Wolf]

hey teju those were really good

I have 1
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates


Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.


2. One doubt is whether any “re-scooter” is available in system? I find only “re-cycle”, but I own a scooter at my home.


3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?


5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.


8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?


9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.


Regards,



Banta


Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS

hahaaa... nice nid... 

@sgvaibhav.. nice try..
ya, it needs a lil rephrasing.. funny though..

[$tyli$h Executive]

chek mine!!

The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
 In n out...
in n out.....
 until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.






" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!!

Should email this to colgate palmotive. Maybe they will make an advertisement like this.

[happy angel]

Should email this to colgate palmotive. Maybe they will make an advertisement like this.

[Lana Wolf]

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

[nid404]

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool


hahahahahaha

[Lana Wolf]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

[O.T.13.]

You know you've been In College Too Long...When...

You consider McDonald's "real food."
true

You actually like doing laundry at home.
true

4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
true

It starts getting late on the weeknights.
dont get it

Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
true

You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
no, i wear sandals most of the time

You'd rather clean than study.
no, i never cleaned my room so far, only once my sister did so for me before she travelled, and she was the one to unpack my bags not me

Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
not half, but yea, quite a lot

Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
Minesweepr*

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.You know the pizza boy by name.
true and true, and also around my extracurricular activities. no, my housemates get me the food 

You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
in weekends, yea

You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
pretty much yea

Prank phone calls become funny again.
ah=huh

Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
never been there, but i am literally in love with Sunway Pyramid

World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
True

You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
i dont have one 

Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
no that would be piercings

Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
its nice but i do it too quickly

You find out milk crates have so many uses.
i have no contact whatsoever with milk 

The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).
yes, thursday to sunday, true

[nid404]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

Ouch! </3

Loool

[O.T.13.]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

and thats why girls should trust guys more often and blindly

[Lana Wolf]

and thats why girls should trust guys more often and blindly

ya,, only those who are trust-worthy.. not all are..