Author Topic: Jokes and stuff...  (Read 16341 times)

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #60 on: January 21, 2010, 12:02:45 pm »
lol sorry...it was me..

just wanted to say that these are the best I've read so far!

haha.. thanks..


Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #61 on: January 21, 2010, 12:03:18 pm »
hey lana...u can copy those jokes in my thread and put them in ur thread  :P



okay..? but why? lol

Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #62 on: January 21, 2010, 04:25:48 pm »
okay..? but why? lol

Monny gets high on regular basis, just ignore that  :D
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #63 on: January 22, 2010, 12:03:12 pm »
Monny gets high on regular basis, just ignore that  :D

Oh..yes.. you would know..   :P ::)

Monica

  • Guest
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #64 on: January 22, 2010, 07:43:13 pm »
hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D

OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P

Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #65 on: January 23, 2010, 02:29:39 am »
hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D

OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P
high* :P

man its been a long time since i last said
actually a lot of my talking terminologies have changed within the past three weeks  :D
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #66 on: January 23, 2010, 12:46:29 pm »
hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D

OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P

haha.. okay..

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #67 on: January 26, 2010, 05:01:59 pm »
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire


Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
 

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #68 on: January 26, 2010, 05:03:26 pm »
Blonde paint job


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 lol

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #69 on: January 26, 2010, 05:05:01 pm »
New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

 

Offline happy angel

  • SF Geek
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: 456
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #70 on: January 27, 2010, 03:44:14 pm »
chek mine!!

The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
 In n out...
in n out.....
 until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.






" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!! ::)

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #71 on: February 12, 2010, 10:05:27 am »
chek mine!!

The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
 In n out...
in n out.....
 until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.






" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!! ::)


haha..


Letter from Father

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read real fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your mom read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we decided to move 30 miles down the road. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it, though. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the ain. We haven't seen 'em since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off -- you' ll find 'em in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your momma out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back and drowned -- they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Uncle,

Dad

Offline $tyli$h Executive

  • Honorary Member
  • SF V.I.P
  • *****
  • Posts: 5070
  • Reputation: 65403
  • Gender: Male
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #72 on: February 12, 2010, 01:16:19 pm »
chek mine!!

The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
 In n out...
in n out.....
 until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.


Now THAT'S what I call a hot joke!!! ;D ;D :D :D
« Last Edit: February 12, 2010, 02:01:10 pm by $tyli$h Executive »

Offline happy angel

  • SF Geek
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: 456
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #73 on: February 15, 2010, 05:04:57 am »
Now THAT'S what I call a hot joke!!! ;D ;D :D :D

lol id pass on the compliment to my friend! she tld me that! ;D

Offline Lana Wolf

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4581
  • Reputation: 51105
  • Gender: Female
Re: Jokes and stuff...
« Reply #74 on: February 15, 2010, 07:31:43 am »
Biting Nails
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."