OI!! This thing deserves to be on the first page!!
An article by me, in my more musing state of mind. In my opinion, it contains equal parts immaturity, maturity, comedy, and fun. Enjoy!!
Hurriedly pulling on my zip and doing a strange on-the-spot jig, it dawned on me why Irish dancing consists of those odd two-steps-forward and one back. The influx of an excess of ale must cause an unbearable pressure on the bladder for a person standing still, and, completely by accident, I too had found out those odd steps to be the best way to mitigate disaster. So whenever an Irishman starts up a dance, know that he has an urgent need to visit the bathroom but holds off in deference to the festivities. Such festivities also need not be obvious to an outside observer, they may completely be in said Irishman's head. {No offense to the Irish intended. Only their dancing, which, in all honesty, I have found of much use in holding off certain possibly mortifying circumstances. Of course, credit is given where credit is due, so I always inform people of the health benefits of an Irish dance, especially when they (always) look at me as if I am in need of a straitjacket and the kind attentions of a psychologist after such displays, which are often vigorous in their frantic enthusiasm.}
If you reached the end, have a good day!! 
And yes, feast your eyes again, ma lady of the malady...
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No offense to the Irish intended. Only their dancing, which, in all honesty, I have
found of much use in holding off certain possibly mortifying circumstances. Of course,
credit is given where credit is due, so I always inform people of the health benefits of an Irish dance, especially when they (always) look at me as if I am in need of a...."
