JOKES AND Riddles!!

[Kim]

that was so funny i couldnt stop laughing the whole time omg and i m not supposed to be here i should be studing physics but this forum is addicting

[Monica]

haha i totally agree wid Kim...+rep for u by da way...

@abdo i am kiddin ill tell u later becuz i gtg (i said i gtg today like 5 times or sumthin) but i mean it this time inshallah..lol!!

[X Abdulrahman X]

that was so funny i couldnt stop laughing the whole time omg and i m not supposed to be here i should be studing physics but this forum is addicting

lol crap i took a rest and said ill go back to study, that was 21 minutes ago -.-

[X Abdulrahman X]

haha i totally agree wid Kim...+rep for u by da way...

@abdo i am kiddin ill tell u later becuz i gtg (i said i gtg today like 5 times or sumthin) but i mean it this time inshallah..lol!!

alright then send me a message or something when ur free, i gtg study bus again
then lit and physics -.-

[Monica]

haha i totally agree wid Kim...+rep for u by da way...

@abdo i am kiddin ill tell u later becuz i gtg (i said i gtg today like 5 times or sumthin) but i mean it this time inshallah..lol!!

alright then send me a message or something when ur free, i gtg study bus again
then lit and physics -.-

ok deal and good luck!!

[O.T.13.]

yea kim's ryte, but i am thinking about it this way: just memorize the formulas today, and don't forget most people r studyng for biznes, so u wont be the only one squeezing physics in one day

AND NOW EVEN MORE JOKES

Insults ....

•I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

•Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

•Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my A**.

•A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY A*********

•If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra??!

•mirrors don't talk but lucky for you %n they don't laugh

•Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin bottle

•People like you are the reason I'm on medication.

•Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies

•I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you. Don't bother leaving a message.

•Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!

•I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.

•Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.

•I need you...........I want you............To get out of my face

•Damn not you again.......

•Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

•If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.

•I am not anti-social..I just don't like you

•If you're gonna act like a d*ck you should wear a condom on your head so you can at least look like one !!!

•Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...

•There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.

•Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

•If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there?
Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!

•Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.

•I may be fat,but you're ugly,and I can diet!!!

•Earth is full. Go home.

•If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.

•Hey, heres a hint. If i don't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

•How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

•Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

•What's that ugly thing growing out of your neck... Oh... It's your head...

•I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.

•Oh I'm sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?

•Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

•God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.

•Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.

•I'm not mean ... you're just a sissy.

•Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.

•Why don't you go outside any play, hide and go f**k yourself

•Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone

•How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I'm away live with it.

•FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning... Leave me alone!

•Let's see, I've walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends...Nope,
this list doesn't say that I'm required to talk to you.

•When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom! leave a message

•My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you're really strange.... I guess that means I can't talk to you!

•Forget the ugly stick! you must have been born in the ugly forrest!

•I really don't like you but if you really must leave a message, I'll be nice and at least pretend to care.

•You know the drill! You leave a message....and I ignore it!

•The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn't really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours...

•I'm not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!!!
•Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don't want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.
•You dont know me, you just wish you did.
•Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why don't you go play in traffic?!
•You have your whole life to be a jerk....so why dont you take a day off so.. leave me a message for when I get back!!!!

[O.T.13.]

so wut, the one time i go rampage in jokes no one else is online?
AW THAT JUST SUCKS!

[Monica]

so wut, the one time i go rampage in jokes no one else is online?
AW THAT JUST SUCKS!

haha!! ok i read half ur insults hahahaha!! wat is this(enta keda bet3alem el nas el 3onf  :Phaha) and i am off now...

[O.T.13.]

lol, actually i got em from a friend,
and he is quite....um..... a complete CLOWN, he is such a clown i say in his face and he doesn't mind it lol
um, anyways
3nf shino di turuq difa3 3an an nafs (hope u got what i said lol)

[Q80BOY]

some pretty insulting insults  

would love having them on t-shirts, maybe this summer  

[Q80BOY]

After the beep
 
Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
 

[O.T.13.]

and maybe i can make a biznes outta theese shirts
*bulb lights up*
HEY THATSA GREAT IDEA THANK YOU YUSEF!

[sanity_master]

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."






hope its not overrated lol

[Monica]

haha Q80 on T-shirts hahahaha..

and omer yes i got wat u said ya zool

now i really gtg(6th time) but i mean it this time(3rd time) Byezzz(hundreds of time)

[sanity_master]

Alligators in the Pool

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.

The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators.

The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!"




Egyptians will remember this one, cuz we have this one in arabic about el se3eedy, a classic joke but very funny