JOKES AND Riddles!!

[O.T.13.]

Yeah KAM. Nice memories in this thread. 

@Omer  enta shareer 

MWA HAHAHA

lol@astar: and the other half is...?

[Amelia]

hmm, one thing or da oder keeps u guys going, well, here's my joke of da day.

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

[Monica]

hahahaha...good one. 

[Amelia]

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.
They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.
They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash".
When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!"

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!"

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!"

Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?"
The cheif says, "NO, you idoit!"... even cannibals know that...
"THINGS go better with Coke!"

[Alpha]

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.
They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.
They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash".
When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!"

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!"

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!"

Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?"
The cheif says, "NO, you idoit!"... even cannibals know that...
"THINGS go better with Coke!"

Nice one. 

[~~~~shreyapril~~~~]

hehe lol nice one

[nid404]

lol

[Q80BOY]

oryt guys .. instead of posting your jokes in separate threads .. post them here .. let's revive this thread!

I'll start

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

lol!!!! nice one Q80BOY......

[Q80BOY]

here's another one for my good friend lord kratos! hahaha

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

[ksitna]

i got a riddle
k

A friend told Trevor that someone has stashesd a $50 note in a book in the local library. The friend doesn't know the title of the book but goes on to tell Trevor that the money is hidden between pages 201 and 202 of the unnamed book.With this information, does Trevor ransack the library looking for the right book and the money, or does he laugh off the whole matter? Why?

[Q80BOY]

laugh it off cause his dad is a rich businessman?

[ksitna]

lolll no
but close

[[Spy]]

mara sa3eedi died.....5 angles came to him.....two to ask him the questions and three to convince him he died

[Kim]

mara sa3eedi died.....5 angles came to him.....two to ask him the questions and three to convince him he died

haha haha lol good one