URGENT NEWS RELEASE
The Burger Stall is one of the most cherished possessions of the US government. No one knows what it really is or who made it or even when it was made. Presidents as far back as Abraham Lincoln are reported to have had the habit of cloistering themselves in the room where this is placed, and according to his wife, she once caught him coming out of the room with mustard smeared on his mouth. This ritual, The Eating of The Burgers, took place every morning between 8am and 10am.
The mists surrounding the mystery of the Burger have cleared a bit with the coming to light of some new facts after the election of the new president, Mr.Abdulrahman101. It seems a burger a day keeps the bad guys away, says his Vice President, Roxy. The Secretary of State, Mr. Woteverr... stated in a news brief last night that if the President does not eat 1 burger a day, The Fat Obeah Woman will descend from the black depths of hell and place a Voodoo curse on the US.
"The Obeah Woman, if the legends are true, is a terrible creature. Weighing 50 billion tons, she is a monster, who, if she sits on the United States of America, will crush it beneath her ample bottom" says the President's Chief of Staff, Mr.Astarmathsandphysics.
This is a very real threat, people. And to any future wannabe President assassins (like Mustard and Ketchup), we would appreciate it if you killed the President
after his morning Burger.
-REUTERS AND THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
