Amelia, you already are there with me for the 'witty' task. Does it click? 
And no, no essays to write. I need only 2 people. Small things. Let us make the selection fair. Will give you 3 words, you gotta make the wittiest sentence you can with it.
words: hat, street, chocolate.
Come on. You can do it. 
"You, sir," said the chocolate to the hat, " are a floppy piece of useless cloth, which even the word 'cloth' is ashamed to claim as its own, whereas I am a delight for all to behold, a craving for the distinguishing palate to hoard as a miser does gold, and revere as an acolyte an adept, and I give out the most wondrous, original flavour in the world without which it may cease to function"
"Speak lightly, impudent soul," said hat to chocolat, " for I am loftier than thou. You go where more of other food goes, and you induce sugar level imbalances, destroy teeth, a mean feat, a hypocrite's treat; drop you in the street, and you none will eat. Me, they place even above their own heads, in weather clement or extreme. I provide relief from heat or cold insufferable, I am a very highly regarded fashion accessory, and I am far older than you. I am used again and again, and am not diminished in the least. What happens to you, once a person you go through, but you turn a sickening shade of brown, at which everyone will frown, and then you get flushed away unwanted!"
(Not technically a sentence, but still... )
