Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 83869 times)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Clean jokes thread!!!
« on: June 07, 2010, 04:53:10 am »
So I'm going to start a new jokes thread from scratch. ;) Its going to be a "clean-jokes only" thread.

So guys please start posting all of your clean jokes here. ;D
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Monica

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2010, 04:54:02 am »
-_-

This is the same thread like mine. I shall merge the threads  :P

nid404

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2010, 04:54:18 am »
WOW! This is JOKES! LOL  :D

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2010, 04:55:43 am »
I'll start. ;)

                                                    Ugly duckling


Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time.
  When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven:don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes
St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.  With him is another extremely ugly man.  He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for alleternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, dark hair, and muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word and walks away.
 
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Monica

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2010, 04:55:52 am »
He made my Jokes and Riddles thread dirty and now he is making a new one!

Nice try! ha ha! I will remove all your dirty jokes from my threads and it will stay clean as it was before. :P

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2010, 04:58:13 am »
He made my Jokes and Riddles thread dirty and now he is making a new one!

Nice try! ha ha! I will remove all your dirty jokes from my threads and it will stay clean as it was before. :P

Yours thread and my thread aren't the same. :P Yours is a jokes + riddles thread whereas my is a pure jokes only thread. ;)

You'll remove all my dirty jokes from your thread? ::) It's going to take you hours...... :P
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Monica

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2010, 05:03:02 am »
Yours thread and my thread aren't the same. :P Yours is a jokes + riddles thread whereas my is a pure jokes only thread. ;)

You'll remove all my dirty jokes from your thread? ::) It's going to take you hours...... :P

BWAHAHAHAHA IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT TAKES HOURS!

YOUR POST COUNT WILL DECREASE BY 700 NOW! HA!!!  :P

This is what you get from competing with my precious thread!  :'(

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2010, 05:11:22 am »

YOUR POST COUNT WILL DECREASE BY 700 NOW! HA!!!  :P


Do it!!!!! :P  Then I'll be the 1st member to have 25 reputation with 101 posts!!! 8)
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Monica

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2010, 05:12:25 am »
Do it!!!!! :P  Then I'll be the 1st member to have 25 reputation with 101 posts!!! 8)

I was joking. I am a nice girl  :( but I am really hurt now. =|

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2010, 05:13:53 am »
I'm sorry if you're hurt. :(  Here's a joke for you. :)


                                         Case study

I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Justin when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't come over to your place tonight!"

With everyone in the restaurant staring, Justin crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated. A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, "but I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying human reaction to embarrassing situations."

At the top of his lungs Justin responded, "What do you mean, two hundred dollars?"
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2010, 05:14:59 am »
                  My Three Sons

 

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom
enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the
chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son,
"the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the
time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to
know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline immortal

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2010, 05:24:54 am »
                  My Three Sons

 

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom
enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the
chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son,
"the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the
time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to
know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
12Years down da drain :D
Life is short...so live it to da fullest :)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2010, 05:35:07 am »
                                               Giddy up


One day a man ran into an old friend and asked him if he was still dating the same girl. "No" Replied the friend.
 "She wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Just the other day she decided to ride a horse for the first time. Without any instruction she hopped on and took off at full gallop. Everything was fine for a minute until she started losing her grip and began sliding down the side of the horse. She started grasping desperately at the reigns and the horse's mane. The horse kept it's pace up as she bounced up and down on the ground with the horse's hooves pounding away inches from her head. The horse might have killed her if it were not for an alert Wal-mart greeter who ran over and unplugged the thing!"
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2010, 05:36:37 am »
                                             
                                              Last Respects

 
At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
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Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2010, 05:37:57 am »
                                             The Cab Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years".
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk