Author Topic: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!  (Read 3439 times)

~ A.F ~

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ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« on: April 23, 2010, 09:30:22 pm »
Hey guys,

My TOEFL test is tomorrow, and this is the first/ only essay I have written.  ;D lol

There might be loadz of typing errors as i didnt revise ;D

So basically, all I need is honest reviews and suggestions!

Thanks Everybody|!
« Last Edit: April 23, 2010, 10:19:31 pm by ~ A.F ~ »

Offline astarmathsandphysics

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2010, 09:48:44 pm »
If I knew anything about the TOEFL...

~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2010, 09:49:47 pm »
LOL this is just a normal essay

but thanks anyways sir!

Offline T.Q

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2010, 12:09:30 am »
gd essay & gd luck  :)
No Matter What Happens In Life , Just Don't Lose Hope :)

~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2010, 07:13:49 am »
Thanks T.Q :D

Off to my exams now  :-X

Pray for me guys  :-X

nid404

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2010, 07:14:54 am »
Good Luck! :)

You'll do well...

Offline Q80BOY

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2010, 07:41:46 am »
best of luck Amr!!  ;)
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Offline The Golden Girl =D

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2010, 09:37:38 am »
gd luck  ;D
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

Please, Don't forget to Include GG in your Prayers =D

~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2010, 02:42:05 pm »
Thanks Everybody! :D

Did awesome ;D ;D

Offline Nobody

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2010, 02:54:22 pm »
oh!..you finished your exam...
Sorry to late to say best of luck.. :( :(

so..how was it?
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling!
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it.

~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2010, 02:56:27 pm »
oh!..you finished your exam...
Sorry to late to say best of luck.. :( :(

so..how was it?


lol its ok mate ;D

I did great! :D but it was so friggin boring! 5 hours! I have a swollen butt now :P lol

Alpha

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2010, 03:15:09 pm »
Oops... I think am late, sorry.  :-\

two groups; supporters and opposers.

Should use a colon : here. You are stating the two groups.

ridiculous, due to a myriad number of reasons.

No need for a comma (,). It gives the reader the impression smth is missing here, don't use the comma.

However, those who are in favor of this proposal, argue that smokers’ supports and arbitrary.


are* arbitrary?

who are in favor of banning smoke

smoking*?



Those who believe that this idea is will not affect the environment provided un-proved


That's quite confusing...


But the question remains; will ay party be convinced with the other’s thoughts?


Typo: any*

Suggestion:

You could end with a quote for a title like this. A good quotation will make your essay imposing. And will be stuck in the readers' mind for days...

For example, I had read something like this on the net:

"Smoking in a public place is like allowing a peeing section area in a swimming pool. It stinks! Would you swim there?"

"A cigarette is a tube with a fire at one end, and a fool at the other."

And there are many others... I fail to remember them all now. Just search for Smoking Quotes online.  ;)




~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2010, 04:29:42 pm »
thn alot but i guess ure a bit late :P ;D

but really app ur help :D

Alpha

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2010, 04:38:12 pm »
Welcome...  :)

And sorry for the belated answer. I wish I were here earlier, maybe could have helped effectively.

Sorry again.

~ A.F ~

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Re: ANY BODY! HELP NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! ANYBODY CAN HELP!
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2010, 09:57:11 pm »
No really thank you alpha!

You are awesome! :D

+rep.