JOKES AND Riddles!!

[Nobody]

ROFL !

[Dibss]

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"



A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

[WARRIOR]

loool nice ones ! pretty smart even !

[muzxx]

ROFL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! looooooooool! That made me laugh! loooool. 

dont laugh that much dude, we never know we can be the one driving the luxury car, i.e the victim!!
lol

[thukon]

WOW i cant beLIEVE this thread is still going strong... 2 years ago when I was about to sit for my IG boards, this thread was commonly posted on by me... now im soon sitting for IB.... ohhh nostalgia 

[$tyli$h Executive]

POPE AND QUEEN OF ENGLAND

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords - the crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness can't help but have a little rivalry - both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd.

Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen,"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice - they will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants.

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope slapped her.

[lil^$tar]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaLPnIpQ7M0 this ma funny vid...more like a joke

[ksitna]

WOW i cant beLIEVE this thread is still going strong... 2 years ago when I was about to sit for my IG boards, this thread was commonly posted on by me... now im soon sitting for IB.... ohhh nostalgia 

i know right? :S

[EMO123]

1 man- Tumhe Pata Hai tumne 500 saal purani Murti tod di.
2 man- Thank God, Maine socha Ki ye nayi hai.
  !!!!!!!!!!!

[TimmY73]

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"



A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

Rofl..... nice one..

[$tyli$h Executive]

IN LOVE WITH TEACHER

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

 "I'm in love," the boy replied.
 Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
 "With YOU!" he said.

 "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

 "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

[Romeesa-Chan]

IN LOVE WITH TEACHER

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

 "I'm in love," the boy replied.
 Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
 "With YOU!" he said.

 "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

 "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

I didn't get it. =/

[Ahmad95]

Here are a couple of hilarious(In my point of view  ) jokes I've stored for a while now..

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says "No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

-----------

There is a physicist, a biologist and a mathematician standing in front of a house. They see one man enter and two men leave.

The Physicist says, "Well there is obviously an unknown variable." The Biologist says, "The man must have multiplied."

The mathematician then looks at them both and says, "I don't know how it happened but if one more person enters the house it will be empty."

-----------

I used to bad at geometry, but I turned that around 360 degrees.

-----------

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're gay, ain't ya?"

[$tyli$h Executive]

Welcome Back Ahmed! Nice jokes!

[Ahmad95]

It's good to be back!

I'm glad you liked them! I'll try and find some other jokes.