Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 137528 times)

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #435 on: July 01, 2010, 01:36:41 pm »
Proof Before Selling *** ::)

A little old lady moves to a new town and goes to her local grocery store to buy some cat food. She picks up 3 cans and takes them to the check-out counter. The girl at the cash register says, "I'm sorry but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. Lots of older people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the food for a real cat."

The little old lady doesn't like it, but she goes home and brings her cat back to the store. They sell her the cat food.

The next day she goes in to buy 3 cans of dog food. Again the cashier demands proof that she has a dog, because old people sometimes eat dog food.

She angrily goes home to get her dog. When she brings him back, she gets her dog food.

The next day she comes into the store carrying a box with a hole in the lid. When she asks the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.

The cashier refuses. "No, you might have a snake in there!"

The old lady insists, telling her that there's nothing alive in the box.

So the cashier puts her finger in the box and feels something odd. She pulls her finger out and says, "Eww, that smells like sh*t!"

The little old lady says, "It is. Now can I buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #436 on: July 01, 2010, 01:37:54 pm »
Politicians on a Bus Accident***

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #437 on: July 01, 2010, 01:39:05 pm »
Two Mice in a Bathroom ***

Two mice were sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub. The first mouse looks over to his friend and, referring to the toilet, asks, "Wanna go for a swim?"

The second mouse quickly replies. "Oh, no! I'm never going in there again!!!"

"Well, why not?" says the first mouse.

"Well," starts his friend, "I was in there about a week ago swimming around and minding my own business and all of a sudden it got real dark, it started raining, it started thundering, and if somebody wouldn't have thrown me a log, I would have drowned!"
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

***exam***

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #438 on: July 01, 2010, 03:23:48 pm »
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

Offline iluvme

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #439 on: July 01, 2010, 04:07:19 pm »
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends
wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business
site and the owner read the card,…. "Rest in Peace."


 The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

 After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was,
the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than
getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking
place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… 'Congratulations on
your new location!'"


rofl!!!!
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I believe in killing the messenger. Know why? It sends  message.
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Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #440 on: July 01, 2010, 05:49:13 pm »
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily."Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #441 on: July 01, 2010, 05:50:10 pm »
A doctor calls his patient

Doctor : I have some good news and some bad news
Patient : OK, give me the good news first.
Doctor : The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?
Doctor : The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

Offline Saladin

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #442 on: July 01, 2010, 05:50:38 pm »
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily."Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

LOL!!! Now that was funny!

Offline Saladin

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #443 on: July 01, 2010, 05:51:08 pm »
A doctor calls his patient

Doctor : I have some good news and some bad news
Patient : OK, give me the good news first.
Doctor : The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?
Doctor : The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

LMAO!!! Now that is a good one, where did u get this from?

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #444 on: July 01, 2010, 05:53:59 pm »
Thanks! ;D ;D
i got this from a site..
http://smilebank.blogspot.com

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #445 on: July 01, 2010, 05:55:38 pm »
Teacher: What is your Name?".
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher: When I ask a Question in English, So answers it in English."
Student: Sir my name is Sunlight….

Offline Saladin

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #446 on: July 01, 2010, 05:57:09 pm »
Teacher: What is your Name?".
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher: When I ask a Question in English, So answers it in English."
Student: Sir my name is Sunlight….

LOL!! These aren't exactly laugh out loud, but they make you smil! ;D

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #447 on: July 01, 2010, 06:04:52 pm »
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I''have come to activate your phone lines."

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #448 on: July 01, 2010, 06:05:16 pm »
Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.
Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

Offline mohit1234

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Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #449 on: July 01, 2010, 06:06:03 pm »
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph. He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge. This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need." "Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?" Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."