Clean jokes thread!!!

[dodi23]

put them up slowly.
so each one is read properly
or i skip some jokes sometime because i see too many

i want to but im too bored nd got nothing 2 do so im just posting

EDIT>>> did u like the q

[Saladin]

There was a chicken who had a farm!

Or was it the other way around?

[Freaked12]

Why it’s nice to be a dog…

No one expects you to take a bath every day.

Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.

When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.

If it itches, you can reach it.

And, no matter what itches, no one is offended if you scratch it in
public.

You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.

If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.

You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap

Having big feet is considered an asset.

If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.

No matter where you live, you own the place.

Your mate never complains because you whine.

Puppy love can last.

+rep dodi for all the jokes. You make my day

[dodi23]

awwww nd i always will

[Heart Hacker]

dodi > ur quotes in ur signature .....ROFL

[lilly]

A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding.  Enid was a 65 year old lady from out of state. 
The officer asked to see her licence. 
'Don't have one' Enid said.
 
'Can I please see the Vehicle registration' the officer asked firmly but politely.
'Nope' snapped Enid.
 
In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there.  When they arrived they arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant.  This lady has no licence and no vehicle registration.
 
'Sure I do' said Enid sweetly.  This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding.

[Heart Hacker]

Girlfriend > Are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend > sure, i checked the whole list again yesterday

 

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

   Yo guys!

                      Here's a telegram from my A**

Telegram from my Arse ***

A young boy was out shopping with his mother in the local supermarket. While walking along one of the aisles the young boy let rip with the loudest fart he could muster.

"I beg your pardon!" said his mother "Was that you who did that?"

"Yep." replied the boy, grinning "It's a telegram from my arse to let you know there's a sh*t on its way."

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Canadian Lumberjack ****

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door.

The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Chinese named Hans ****

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

[Baladya]

loooooooooooool xD speaking of chinese :

Now You can learn chinese in 5 mins too! ^^

Here it is;
1) Great………………………………………..Fa Kin Su Pah
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………………..Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP…………………………………..Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man……………………………………Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse…………………………………..Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?……………………….Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table……………………Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift……………………Chin Tu Fat
9) It is very dark in here………………………..Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet…………………..Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone……………………….No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………….Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight………………………….Lei ing Lo
14) He is cleaning his automobile………………….Wa Shing Ka
15) That is not right…………………………….Sum Ting Wong
16) Your body odour is offensive…………………..Yu Stin Ki Pu

If u didnt get the joke, read this loudly again and think about what u said for a sec xD

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Yo Baladya!!! Or should I call you balalala..

[Baladya]

Yo Baladya!!! Or should I call you balalala..

lol hey man, long time no talk :S busy playing games xD 
Its time i change it back to Baladya xD

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

lol hey man, long time no talk :S busy playing games xD 
Its time i change it back to Baladya xD

Okiee dokieee. But Balalalala sounds cuter!!!

[elemis]

Okiee dokieee. But Balalalala sounds cuter!!!

Weirdo