Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!!  (Read 141190 times)

Offline dodi23

  • Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1418
  • Reputation: 2963
  • Gender: Female
  • MAN made beer, GOD made weed. Who do you trust?
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #405 on: June 27, 2010, 11:28:43 am »
Thanks gg nd nid ;)
more to come......

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
_________________________________
l__l__l__l__l__ll__ll__ll__ll__ll__l__l\_?_\___
l__dodi23's_ limousine___________________l=
""(@)@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)

Offline dodi23

  • Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1418
  • Reputation: 2963
  • Gender: Female
  • MAN made beer, GOD made weed. Who do you trust?
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #406 on: June 27, 2010, 11:30:44 am »
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

_________________________________
l__l__l__l__l__ll__ll__ll__ll__ll__l__l\_?_\___
l__dodi23's_ limousine___________________l=
""(@)@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)

Offline dodi23

  • Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1418
  • Reputation: 2963
  • Gender: Female
  • MAN made beer, GOD made weed. Who do you trust?
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #407 on: June 27, 2010, 11:31:38 am »
Q. What's the difference between George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein ?





A. It took Saddam 20 years to get that unpopular.
_________________________________
l__l__l__l__l__ll__ll__ll__ll__ll__l__l\_?_\___
l__dodi23's_ limousine___________________l=
""(@)@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)

Offline dodi23

  • Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1418
  • Reputation: 2963
  • Gender: Female
  • MAN made beer, GOD made weed. Who do you trust?
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #408 on: June 27, 2010, 12:10:07 pm »
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."

The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then." ;D
_________________________________
l__l__l__l__l__ll__ll__ll__ll__ll__l__l\_?_\___
l__dodi23's_ limousine___________________l=
""(@)@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)

Offline dodi23

  • Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1418
  • Reputation: 2963
  • Gender: Female
  • MAN made beer, GOD made weed. Who do you trust?
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #409 on: June 27, 2010, 12:13:16 pm »
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

_________________________________
l__l__l__l__l__ll__ll__ll__ll__ll__l__l\_?_\___
l__dodi23's_ limousine___________________l=
""(@)@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)

Offline Saladin

  • The Samurai
  • Honorary Member
  • SF V.I.P
  • *****
  • Posts: 6530
  • Reputation: 59719
  • Gender: Male
  • I believe in those who believe in me
    • Student Tech
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #410 on: June 27, 2010, 02:06:19 pm »
This is supposed to ge a CLEAN jokes thread...

Can we please stop posting the sick jokes.

Offline The Golden Girl =D

  • Without Allah I'm nothing <3
  • Honorary Member
  • SF Overlord
  • *****
  • Posts: 13757
  • Reputation: 65532
  • Ain't Nothin worth your tears =D
    • www.thegoldengirl157.blogspot.com
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #411 on: June 27, 2010, 02:13:13 pm »
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


ya 7leelo :'( .. lol :P
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

Please, Don't forget to Include GG in your Prayers =D

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4674
  • Reputation: 55599
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #412 on: June 27, 2010, 05:52:05 pm »
 Yo :P                   

Hit the fan

A guy is really desperate to take a dump, so he goes into a nearby bar and asks the
bartender where the toilets are. The bartender says, “Go upstairs and it’s the second
door on the right.”
So the guy goes upstairs but can’t find the restrooms anywhere. So when he sees a hole
in the floor and he decides to crap in it.
After relieving himself, of a monster dump, he goes back downstairs and notices that
there’s no one in the bar.
“Hey, Where did everybody go?” He asks the bartender.
The bartender replies, “So, where were you when the sh*t hit the fan?”
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4674
  • Reputation: 55599
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #413 on: June 27, 2010, 05:53:11 pm »
This is a clean joke!!!

Sex and Travel

1 guy walks up to a really pretty girl at the bar and says, “Hey, babe can I buy you a
drink?”
She says, "Do you like sex?"
The guy says, “Sure! Of course, I like sex.”
Them she asks, “Do you like to travel?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, I love to travel.”
“Well” she says, “Then *censored* off some where else.”
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4674
  • Reputation: 55599
  • Gender: Male
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #414 on: June 27, 2010, 05:55:21 pm »
Another.

The Winking Problem
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales rep for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his application and says,
“This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best university; your references are
wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second
thought. However, a sales rep has a highly visible position, and I’m afraid that your
constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you.”
“But wait,” says the guy. “If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!”
”Really? Great! Show me!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of
condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the
bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and within a
minute stops winking.
“Well,” says the interviewer, “that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company,
and we will NOT have our employees womanising all over the country!”
“Womanising? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!” Protests the guy. “Well
then, how do you explain all the condoms?”
“Oh,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

Offline Saladin

  • The Samurai
  • Honorary Member
  • SF V.I.P
  • *****
  • Posts: 6530
  • Reputation: 59719
  • Gender: Male
  • I believe in those who believe in me
    • Student Tech
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #415 on: June 27, 2010, 08:04:11 pm »
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."



Now that was AMAZING!

Offline guMnam

  • !!~~**~~!!
  • SF Farseer
  • *******
  • Posts: 4242
  • Reputation: 12471
  • Gender: Male
  • !!~~guMnam~~!!
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #416 on: June 27, 2010, 10:54:47 pm »
Lol at all

I <3 Challenges
Never give up :)

Offline Heart Hacker

  • SF Addict !!! =D
  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 1955
  • Reputation: 20400
  • Gender: Male
  • oh no!!
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #417 on: June 28, 2010, 12:40:52 pm »
lol.....but i read these somewhr .....  ::)
Hope for the Best .....Expect the Worst ;)

Thank Allah for everything :)

Offline ~~~~shreyapril~~~~

  • SF Master
  • ******
  • Posts: 2606
  • Reputation: 2640
  • Gender: Male
  • "Prototype"
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #418 on: June 28, 2010, 02:21:52 pm »
Guide-"Good Morning people. Welcome to the Niagara Falls. These falls generate so much of noise that even 20 supersonic planes cant be heard.... Now ladies will you be quite so we can hear the falls?" :P
Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it but only you get the warm feeling that it gives :D :P :)

Offline The Golden Girl =D

  • Without Allah I'm nothing <3
  • Honorary Member
  • SF Overlord
  • *****
  • Posts: 13757
  • Reputation: 65532
  • Ain't Nothin worth your tears =D
    • www.thegoldengirl157.blogspot.com
Re: Clean jokes thread!!!
« Reply #419 on: June 28, 2010, 02:25:12 pm »
haha lol
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

Please, Don't forget to Include GG in your Prayers =D