Author Topic: Marriage  (Read 57017 times)

Alpha

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #165 on: May 07, 2010, 11:55:55 am »


Your list will definitely be shorter with no kids. Tell me something, name one thing, just ONE, that your parents do, in a normal day, which is not for you and your sister? Work to get you money, maybe help you with home work? Even when they pray, its for them as well as for you, so that GOD takes care of you when they are gone. So you are telling me that I can be successful with kids? I am sorry about bringing up the point that they would have been happier without you, may bad, they maybe will not. Even if life takes me to a martial life, i'll put my kids first and i'll love them indefinitely. BUT THAT IS THE POINT! I don't want my love to a husband and to kids to keep me in place!


They are happy... Not for me, but for them.

Don't really like talking personal... but anyway...  ::)

I read for them what they cannot see. They have an eye that speaks. I take care of them when they are tired. I help my mother with her works. Feed my father when his hands are dirty. I try to be there when they need to talk. I spend my nights taking care of them when they get ill... There are so many other things I do, but I don't think it necessary to mention it all here. That must have been enough...
If you still think they would have been happier without kids, better ask them, if ever you get the opportunity. I'll give you $ 100, from my own pockets, if they say yes.


Quote
You forgot to mention, and twice the load, twice the responsibility, and countless points to consider before taking a simple decision like should i go to that presentation or not.
With kids: I'll have to go late until they sleep, and make him dinner. Then I'll have to wake early in the morning to make them breakfast (and maybe drop them to school). A first child? then you will never get out of home without a nanny that you trust. Of course AFTER your first maternity year.
without kids: Yes, I'll just call to check for the timings, I don't want to come back very late. period.

Why such a narrow view? You just take into account what you have to do? What about what others will do for YOU? If am too busy, my husband or my kids can cook for me. If I have a presentation, I know I can rely on them to cheer me up, to encourage me, to be by my side. I'd have people to take care of me if I'm tired. I'll have someone to tell about how my hypothetical conference went. And I would need someone in case it didn't go right. I would have people to assist me, to talk and share things with. It's not only what I would do for them, it's also what they would do for me.

It's not when I'll be some 40-50 years old hag that I'll realize and regret what I lost, afraid of being too overloaded. Life is lived only once, live it FULL girl.  :)

Loneliness or celibacy is always empty, somehow, some kind... We all need someone, some time. Agree, friends will try to be there when you need them most-- but family will ALWAYS be there, whether you need them or not. You won't need reasons for companionship when family will be there.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2010, 02:23:33 pm by ~Alpha »

Offline $tyli$h Executive

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #166 on: May 07, 2010, 12:08:59 pm »
I see no point why someone wouldn't be successful if he or she marries someone or has kids.

Look up the list of the richest people in the world. 97+% of them are married.

Offline Saladin

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #167 on: May 07, 2010, 02:27:36 pm »
I got no packs. LOL!!!

I am quite sure Roxy will end up marrying a wrestler, how does the big show sound?

The importance of marriage cannot be stressed any further. It is a lifelong intent, and commitment to a woman that now has become your family.

Alpha

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #168 on: May 07, 2010, 02:33:11 pm »
I don't find my one post here...  ???

Alpha

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #169 on: May 07, 2010, 02:47:36 pm »
Oops! sorry for the mistake!

No worry. 

If not anything, this one will surely change:  ::)

Life is cruel if you're not very rich...!

Even if you're not... Anyway, I passed the stage when a girl sits and waits for prince charming to come.  ;)

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #170 on: May 07, 2010, 03:15:47 pm »
I got no packs. LOL!!!

I am quite sure Roxy will end up marrying a wrestler, how does the big show sound?

The importance of marriage cannot be stressed any further. It is a lifelong intent, and commitment to a woman that now has become your family.

LOL!

EWWWWW! Hell no :P

I dont like wrestlers- muscles TOOO big, not nice =.=

2-4 packs fine ;D
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Alpha

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #171 on: May 07, 2010, 04:36:13 pm »
Gee alpha, u sure have grown up. I like being a kid though. I love being naive, and optimistic. You see, you have passed the stage where u start to realize the realities of life. I have passed the stage, where u realize that life as a child is the best life you can have, no complications, no commitments, nothing.

Sad, time that has passed never does come back. What's encouraging is that there is the beginning of an altogether new experience. One that remains to be lived. A flavour that is waiting to be tasted.
For you'll agree with me... We value the time because it's forever lost-- value in proportion to its non* occurrence.

Yes, I have been able to gain enough understanding to differentiate between reality and fantasy. But I still need to keep growing up.  :)
« Last Edit: May 08, 2010, 11:57:03 am by ~Alpha »

Alpha

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #172 on: May 07, 2010, 04:48:03 pm »
What's the point in all that sharing if you don't share your problems and worries?! :P

Yes, true...  :)

Maybe I'm too shy, or just don't have guts.

I agree with some viewpoints. The whole concept of love is a very ambiguous one. Its mostly created by the movies and dramas. At best of what I can understand, love = sex.

Love = ordinary shares = More risks, more benefits.

Sex = preference shares = Less risks, limited benefits.     :P

Oh Merci! :D

Was that a surprise?! Its true! ;)

Agreed...

LOL!

EWWWWW! Hell no :P

I dont like wrestlers- muscles TOOO big, not nice =.=

2-4 packs fine ;D

Girls...  :D  ;D



Offline $tyli$h Executive

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #173 on: May 07, 2010, 04:59:37 pm »
Even if you're not... Anyway, I passed the stage when a girl sits and waits for prince charming to come.  ;)

Okay... ::) ::)

When did I say you're not rich?! ::) I just pointed at a general situation (of any girl). Please don't mind that. Not intended to hurt you.. :)

But Alpha, life is generally not so good for those who are not very rich. Perhaps you really dream now... Thats why you don't consider it necessary for your husband to be very rich. ;) :)

Its not about the prince charming or any such fancy story. ::)

And I bet if being rich is only for those who are prince charming, the other qualities you mentioned are also the qualities of a prince charming? No...? ;) :)

If yes, why leave out the most important characteristics of your partner which will determine your level of happiness? :D  :)

its unachievable? Just move on with persistence, determination and hard work towards your goal! And you'll! :D

Hope you understand what I mean to say..! :D


« Last Edit: May 07, 2010, 06:37:04 pm by $tyli$h Executive »

Offline $tyli$h Executive

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #174 on: May 07, 2010, 05:04:14 pm »
Love = ordinary shares = More risks, more benefits.

Sex = preference shares = Less risks, limited benefits.     :P

Depends on the state of the economy - booming or recession.

If booming, buy ordinary shares or love or whatever..

If recession, buy preference shares or sex or whatever... :P

Jokes apart... ;)

Why so much differentiation between these two? I think these two coincide in most of the cases. They're interchangable terms. So, the equation of Love=sex does hold true. :P
« Last Edit: May 07, 2010, 06:42:00 pm by $tyli$h Executive »

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #175 on: May 07, 2010, 07:13:17 pm »
LOOOOL.!
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline sweetest angel

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #176 on: May 07, 2010, 09:48:36 pm »
how do u quote more than once in a post? the insert quote button doesn't work when i am typing into the message box only before i start the typing!

"Dont fear the creation, but fear the creator who has created the creation you fear"
"If you educate a man, you educate an individual, but if you educate a female, you educate a nation"
 I DO WHAT I WANT WHERE I WANT WHEN I WANT if mom says ok.

Offline sweetest angel

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #177 on: May 07, 2010, 10:28:41 pm »
They are happy... Not for me, but for them.

Don't really like talking personal... but anyway...  ::)

I read for them what they cannot see. They have an eye that speaks. I take care of them when they are tired. I help my mother with her works. Feed my father when his hands are dirty. I try to be there when they need to talk. I spend my nights taking care of them when they get ill... There are so many other things I do, but I don't think it necessary to mention it all here. That must have been enough...
If you still think they would have been happier without kids, better ask them, if ever you get the opportunity. I'll give you $ 100, from my own pockets, if they say yes.


Why such a narrow view? You just take into account what you have to do? What about what others will do for YOU? If am too busy, my husband or my kids can cook for me. If I have a presentation, I know I can rely on them to cheer me up, to encourage me, to be by my side. I'd have people to take care of me if I'm tired. I'll have someone to tell about how my hypothetical conference went. And I would need someone in case it didn't go right. I would have people to assist me, to talk and share things with. It's not only what I would do for them, it's also what they would do for me.

It's not when I'll be some 40-50 years old hag that I'll realize and regret what I lost, afraid of being too overloaded. Life is lived only once, live it FULL girl.  :)

Loneliness or celibacy is always empty, somehow, some kind... We all need someone, some time. Agree, friends will try to be there when you need them most-- but family will ALWAYS be there, whether you need them or not. You won't need reasons for companionship when family will be there.



Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, reports that marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than it did in the last 300. What are the facts now? It used to be that women believed if they didn’t get married early, they might miss the boat. In the 1950’s, the average age of marriage for women was 20, with the most women marrying at age 18. There were very few first marriages after age 24. Coontz states, “This is a different world than the 1950s. The average age at first marriage for women is now almost 26. For women with a B.A. it is more than 27, and for women with master’s or professional degrees it is 30. And there is huge variation within each average, so that more women now marry for the first time in their 40s, 50s and even 60s than ever before in history.”
 
This is a true study. Why do you think women with B.A. marry after they are 27? They need focus to get their BA. Not husband, kids, meals, school, household, etc...Women who seek more, marry later, if at all.  You think of career life as the old stero-type lead by our parents. The type forced on them by us, their kids. Work as you speak of is the type of get-money-for-food-clothes-school. NO, I talk of something bigger, something that can cause a change. Sure you want to be a doctor, go do your shifts come home after duty hours, no problem to add in a husband and kids! But you want to be a woman who adds a chapter in books of tomorrow? Then marital life is just a big clot right in the middle of your way.

You think I am against marriage in itself? no! for the prophet (PBUH) has said “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel. I am against of the belief that a man in this era would be content, for his full life with one woman. The whole "true love" comes only once thing. I am against marriage for a woman who strives for more in her life. And definitely against the different views that the society holds for a single man as opposed to a single woman. They see a single woman as being at a loss for not marrying, and a single man as one who had not found the right one yet! What are we, goods on a shelf? If we are not "bought" then it is our fault, because we are not intruging enough? Because a woman is not complete with a career life only, she needs a "man" to be there and kids. A thousand NO! A woman is more complete than a man would ever be without family life. Sure she wants a family life no problem. But it isn't necessary to have a fruitful life like you have pointed out. She IS living life FULLY even if she doen't get married!!
And please do not start the whole "you can be successful with kids too". I am not saying you can not. I am stressing on the fact that you can do it more focused, determined without them. If you are the type who would be content enough when she/he sees gratitude and love in your husband's/wife's eyes. then I would go for your argument. But , however, if you want to see that in more people, who would be grateful of your work, then work for it. Both will not concide as a woman. yes, maybe 97+% of most successful MEN are married. How many women??

A woman has more obligations when married than a man. Tell me the numbers of men who walked out on their families to women?
"Dont fear the creation, but fear the creator who has created the creation you fear"
"If you educate a man, you educate an individual, but if you educate a female, you educate a nation"
 I DO WHAT I WANT WHERE I WANT WHEN I WANT if mom says ok.

Offline sweetest angel

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #178 on: May 07, 2010, 10:50:32 pm »
And one more thing, if I ever get married, it'll be cause i want to, not cause in need to. I need nothing from a man, nothing I know of that I can't provide for myself.
"Dont fear the creation, but fear the creator who has created the creation you fear"
"If you educate a man, you educate an individual, but if you educate a female, you educate a nation"
 I DO WHAT I WANT WHERE I WANT WHEN I WANT if mom says ok.

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #179 on: May 07, 2010, 10:51:19 pm »
You should be a feminist, sweetest angel :)
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]