We can’t deny the fact that our society changes through passage of time in order to survive. It is alive and changing. It’s almost impossible for it to stay unchanged and untouched since the time it was first established. It has a defense mechanism to either adopt or deny radical ideas, beliefs and practice either being conceived inside our own society or being introduced by foreign societies.
Whenever there’s a new idea being introduced, the new and the old idea compete against each other to see which is timely suitable. Just like survival of the fittest naybe. It’s impossible for two contradicting ideas to remain in a society without compromising each other’s position. If the new one reigns over the old one, it only means that old idea is already anachronous. But if the old one still remains, then maybe the new one is introduced a bit too early or maybe it is just too ridiculous.
"I’m sure you’ve heard any of the old out-of-this-world-like practices during the time of our great-grandparents, maybe. During that time, when a guy touches even just the hand of a lady, he was supposed to marry her or else the incident would compromise the dignity of the lady. Ladies also had to wear sheen-level skirts and they’re not allowed to befriend a guy without consent of their parents."
Do you still see that tradition in our present Filipino society? Imagine how the later generation who first started to take a small step to change that idea had suffered from social labeling.
The practice of keeping one’s virginity until he or she gets married has been in our society for hundred of years now. Just imagine how long that idea has been surviving and being practiced. It’s not unusual if there’s a radical practice emerges that contradicts the tradition. Even if the new idea is not really meant to attack and oust the old idea, the very existence of the new idea put the old one in a compromising situation.
The practice of pre-marital sex is getting popular among some of the new generation of youths and teenagers. This phenomenon is getting so much public attention and it is now one of the hottest issues in our society. From just a simple family talk up to a national level kind of discussion, we can see that everyone is really getting concerned about voicing out their perspective about it.
"So, virginity before marriage: is it still important?"
Virginity is still important and will forever be important. It is just like time that once wasted, we can never get back again. Virginity is like childhood which is a very important stage in human life while losing it, transition from being a virgin to being a non-virgin, is a milestone in our life just like our transition from childhood to adulthood.
Virginity is not something that we can just give to anybody or to the first person we’ll run into the street. This is not like a pack of lunch that you can share with your friends.
Losing our virginity is a once in a lifetime experience. We can’t be a virgin again then to lose it for the second time. Just like first kiss. One can never experience two first kisses. We must only share this great moment with someone we really love and dear to us, someone whom we’ll never regret sharing this great moment with.
I truly believe that keeping one’s virginity until marriage doesn’t give virginity its sacredness and importance. Its importance doesn’t come from the long wait but it comes from the person whom you’ll have decided to give it up to. Just like a bottle of wine, most of us think that the value of it comes from how long it has been preserved and stacked for its taste is relative to its age. But I think the value of it comes from the person which it is being saved for.
For me, marriage doesn’t play any big part on it we’re just accustomed to the tradition and idea that we’ll only meet the rightful and deserving person in front of the altar which happens most of the time. It’s only a ceremony that helps us to finally decide that the person whom we’re walking down the aisle is the rightful person to share this moment. But what if one meets the right person even long before marriage?
We’re now living in the 21st century, an era which I hope that each and every one of us has the freedom to practice our own preferences. I think it’s not really important here if we comply with what the custom tells us to do but what is really important now is to have the freedom to choose what we prefer to do. If one wants to keep his or her virginity until marriage, then do it. But if one wants to give it up now, he or she is free because that’s what he/she prefers. I think the only reason why giving up one’s virginity before marriage is considered immoral by some is because this radical practice clashes with the traditional practice. Besides that reason, I can’t think of any other reason that makes pre-marital sex immoral. If you have one please tell me.
I’m not trying to play safe here. Like what I’ve mentioned above, contradicting ideas can’t stay without compromising each other. So, what I want to do is to try to introduce another idea that will hopefully kick the notion that a lady loses her dignity and character just by giving up her virginity to a guy she loves before marriage; I can never accept the idea that our feeling for our love ones diminishes when we find out they’re not virgin anymore; an idea that will hopefully kick the notion that a tradition will always be the tradition and that it will always the ideal for everyone. And that is the idea that we have different preferences and that we are free to choose.
"Ethical Standards of our society"
Society is a large group of people who share something in common. If ethics are the principles of right and wrong which are accepted in a social group like society; and then if society is composed of individuals who have personal sense of morality (right and wrong); then ethics is the summation of the morality of each individual in a society. That’s why it’s called society.
BUT even if we live in a society (Filipino Society), we perceive right and wrong, moral and immoral differently. We can clearly see that our society splits into sub-societies (conservative sub-society and liberal sub-society…) by raising issues like this one.
Ex. Annie is a non-virgin Filipina lady. Her non-virginity is not a reason for her not to be accepted by the whole Filipino society because even if she’s non-virgin she’s still Filipina. Her being Filipina is the reason why she’s part of the Filipino society and not her virginity. Yeah of course she’ll never be accepted by conservative sub-society because that’s not the society where she belongs. She belongs and accepted in the liberal sub-society where people think the same way like her.
So if Pedro thinks that Annie is not accepted by the whole Filipino society, then he is wrong. It doesn’t mean that because that’s what he thinks, everyone thinks the same way. His opinion doesn’t stand for the whole Filipino society but only for the conservative sub-society.
Promiscuity denotes being sexually active with a lot of casual sex partners. I think this is a different issue because we can give up our virginity without being promiscuous. But anyway, personally I’m against it because for me we should only have sex with someone we love and not someone we just meet or run into.
Risk of unwanted pregnancy
Yeah if the girl gets pregnant this is surely a strong reason why premarital sex is a big problem but still not a strong reason to justify why it’s immoral. But for the sake of argument let’s assume that it is one of the reasons why premarital sex immoral.
What if the girl didn’t get pregnant? Does it mean that what they did is okay and moral?
What if a lady and a guy are planning to do it for the first time BUT they consult a gynecologist and really prepare and take necessary steps to make sure that the lady won’t get pregnant? Does it mean that what they are planning to do is moral?
Because we’re talking about pre-marital sex, does marriage diminish the risk of unwanted pregnancy? Why? Is marriage like a contraceptive?
How about the married couples who have a dozen children?
What is family planning for? Isn’t it originally established for the married couples who wish to limit the number of their kids because even if they are married, they still have the risk of having unwanted pregnancy?
I think the problem here is not premarital sex but being unprepared.
Your reputation in the society
Well, what can I say? I think what is dirty and immoral here is not the act itself but the close-minded minds of people who perceive the act.
I think I should include my personal preference here. Even if it’s okay for me the idea of giving up our virginity before marriage, I still prefer the traditional way. Why? Not because I’m afraid to be rejected and labeled, not because I want to comply with the conservative society, not because I’m afraid to be rejected, not because it’s the ideal way….but because that’s what I want to do and because that’s my preference….that’s it...
Posted by hades
Source: d'Corner of my CircLe
