Girlfriend and Boyfriend relationships

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

No. I'm starting a campaign. Sure you won't join me. >

[elemis]

No. I'm starting a campaign. Sure you won't join me. >

Regarding Abortion ?

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Regarding Abortion ?

No. How to own cats.

[elemis]

No. How to own cats.

No.

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

No.

I know.

[Alpha]

Shouldn't this be a new topic 

TBH, I don't want this in a new topic... lest it causes another hot debate in. Too hot to be able to be borne. 

No. I'm starting a campaign. Sure you won't join me. >

Somebody's discouraged with life. 

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Somebody's discouraged with life. 

Reality continues to ruin my life.

[Alpha]

Reality continues to ruin my life.

You have all your body parts intact, be grateful to that.

You're not born woman in some Taliban reigned Afghanistan, be grateful for that too. 

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

You have all your body parts intact, be grateful to that.

You're not born woman in some Taliban reigned Afghanistan, be grateful for that too. 

Thank you. Now I shall be the grateful man.

"Thank you for kicking me my friend"

[Alpha]

Thank you. Now I shall be the grateful man.

"Thank you for kicking me my friend"

I guess I should say... You're welcome.  

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

I guess I should say... You're welcome.  

Now I am grateful. Do I get a new Murcielago Roadster?   

[Freaked12]

“Virginity”… Your entry has given me an opportunity to think profoundly about this delicate subject….
In my own opinions, I think virginity should be preserved for BOTH men and women… But anyway, everybody is free to lead his/her own life without the dictation of someone else… However, we shouldn’t forget that humans live in societies—groups, where the outlooks of one unit, especially if they are unethical, can easily succumb before the unstated laws and norms of the society.

As you said, to lose or to preserve premarital virginity is the individual’s choice…
Am stating the reasons why I think virginity should be preserved for both sexes before marriage…
My viewpoints:
1) Social Ethics
The Mauritian society isn’t different from yours and most Asian and Islamic ones…Though Mauritius is an amalgam of the East and the West, many people here are still conservative—and I think they ought to be, at least to some extent… It’s not that I am a traditionalist, but norms and values must survive as these are what give a society its mode of conduct, these are what MAKE a society…

Besides, life is a bed of thorns for non-virgins here, especially young girls... Once you’ve been tagged a “b*tch” (“pitin” in Creole), your state is like that of the steak in a frying pan—you jump out, and land directly on the flames or you stay in and burn till death… Boys, on the contrary, aren’t considered contemptible when they are no longer virgins. ‘Why?’ The answer in Mauritius: Because it’s the female’s swollen womb that is visible…

Moreover, even love between couples is affected when one of the partners is ‘impure’. Suppose a man marries a woman, finds out she’s been touched by someone else (Well, who goes about asking before falling in love: “Are you a virgin?”), he’ll despise her for the rest of her life. The woman will cease existing. She’ll be a second-hand object which he has just bought. These circumstances encourage the man to keep mistresses. And when the wife will ask: “Why are you having affairs?” He’ll answer: “Why should it concern you? Did you not have sexual relationships before marriage? Did I ask you then ‘why’?” The mentality here: ‘BITCHES ARE MEANT TO BE USED AND NOT TO BE LOVED OR MARRIED.’

Some youngsters often say: “After all, it’s the 21st century! Let’s move forward with time. Be modern!!”
For my part, I don’t find any rational reason why being a non-virgin should be considered modern. Beyond all, sex or love is primordial since human existence…
It’s the “21st century”, so what? If we set wrong examples now, then we shouldn’t be complaining when in the future youngsters will say: “It’s the 22nd century pop! Let’s stroll around stark naked!!”

Yes, the WAY things are done is being changed—but not the ‘things’ themselves. Marriage followed by sex or marriage preceded by sex—sex and marriage BOTH STILL exist. The major difference is that sex after marriage can be ascertained but marriage after sex is NOT, which is quite often the case…

Often new ideas invade our societies, and bring radical changes… This doesn’t mean that whatever is new is morally and ethically right. However, the urge to move with time is greater (is fittest). And the end result is that we often tend to implement things (not to say rules), or rather, things often get implemented, things which later may be regretted. But in the process we also LOSE our traditional way of life… The clock hand never moves back in time... When you fill water in a glass which later you find out had no base, the water cannot be collected back.

I am not saying that ALL traditional practices should be preserved, but what’s “ideal” is ideal—and the ideal should be maintained. What is ‘modern’ today is what will be traditional tomorrow… Just like what is ‘traditional’ today is what was modern yesterday… What we choose for the future will influence both the present and the past—best in our interests is to leave no room for errors…

I firmly believe that to make the decision of “breaking the seal or not”, one first needs to be a MATURE person. And the first sign of immaturity displayed is when people (especially youngsters) consider themselves to be ‘mature’ when actually they are most naïve. Maturity is far from being only a question of age. To be “mature” means to be able to weigh one’s actions as well as their consequences BOTH ON ONESELF AND OTHERS.

If pre-marital sex is favoured, it is somehow a form of encouraging others, more precisely, youngsters, to engage in sexual activities earlier than when appropriate, when they are physically and/or psychologically unprepared. It’s like unlocking the gates of a stable of wild horses—they run wild all over the place and cause chaos…
If pre-marital sex is a CHOICE, it is also viewed by some as an OBLIGATION. The reasons may be:
(1) ‘Others are doing it, so we must do it also’. Pre-marital sex becomes ‘fashionable’.
(2) ‘We need to grow sexually to be perfect adults’. “Practice makes perfect”.
(3) The girl thinks: “If I do not comply with my boyfriend’s demands, he will leave me and go out with my enemy. “
The boy: “They will ridicule me and call me impotent if I do not do it.”
Youngsters often tend to think about everything, except what’s sensible.
(4) Fear that suspicion may be cast on one’s sexual preferences. Better to be tormented as a non-virgin than to be tyrannized as a homosexual.
The typical scenario after a boy has slept with a girl is what makes pre-marital sex “immoral”. Sleeping with somebody for the only sake of pleasure is what makes pre-marital sex immoral. The feeling of being used as a mere sex object by a lustful partner is what makes pre-marital sex immoral. Girls are often the victims of lust. And it is this “often” that makes love bias… There is a high risk involved when anyone (so as not to gender discriminate) decides to have pre-marital sex. But we talk specifically about girls for whom the risk is higher. As it is, boys or men do not lack reasons to ‘rid of’ the ‘used object’ in the dustbin:
“You’re not good in bed, adios!”
“Today you slept with me; you could have slept with many others before me… How many more are you going to sleep with in the future?”
However, the preferred and ‘feasible’ is to just disappear after the first night—this is immoral.

As a consequence, when the girl finds herself pregnant, she also finds herself deprived of emotional, familial, and maybe financial support too.

To mention only one case, there was a girl of 17 years old who had been impregnated by someone who vanished afterwards, someone who was ‘irresponsible’. Somehow, she managed to hide her pregnancy (She was a plump girl and used this to her advantage). Fearing the vigilant authorities here, she did not have her delivery on a hospital bed assisted by nurses but inside a water closet left to herself! Depressed, shocked, traumatized, panic-stricken, what she did next was unpardonable… With a pair of scissors, she CUT HER OWN BABY!! Circumstances transformed her into a cold-blooded criminal… Her fault: She thought she was ‘responsible’ when actually she was not…

The outcomes of pre-marital sex can be disastrous. Mothers are obliged to kill or abandon their own children, either by circumstances or social factors… Suicidal attempts are recurrent…And this is immoral.

How few minutes of pleasure can destroy a whole lifetime… How impulse and desire can devastate lives… How true and unfortunate it is that realization only comes when it’s too late to do anything!
We may think we are ‘ready’—but only thinking doesn’t help. How can we be SURE we are really READY? And as the act is irreversible, what is lost will never be regained...It is forever lost.

Coming to adults, they know virginity should be broken for the ‘RIGHT PERSON’ at the ‘RIGHT TIME’. But the big question is: HOW do we know WHO IS THE RIGHT PERSON and WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?

Even if you meet the “right person” long before marriage, even if you find “true love” long before marriage, as Empress said, sex is NOT equal to love. You love that person does not mean you imperatively need to have sex with that person. Besides, HOW can you be 100 percent sure it is and really is the “right person”?

WHAT ROLE DOES MARRIAGE PLAY?
Besides being a formality or a ceremony, marriage has an integral role to play. Marriage forces people to think twice, thrice, countless of times before making this lifelong decision… It helps to answer the question of ‘WHO is Mr. /Miss Right’ and ‘WHEN is right’… HOW can you know it’s the right person? It’s when that person is willing to dedicate his/her whole life to you… When that person opts to be by your side till death… What that person DOES what others may simply say… Marriage is the action that proves words… And WHEN do you know it’s the right time? It’s when YOU are ready to dedicate your whole lifetime to this “right person”… It’s when you have found “true love”…


Fine, cohabitation exists and is practiced. BUT it does not fulfill the same functions that a legal and socially recognized family does. Camps and homes are poles apart.

If marriage is a “legal sign of RESPONSIBILITY”, then it is not absolutely wrong to say that marriage is like a contraceptive. When the eyes of the law guard people’s acts, they refrain from acting “irresponsibly”, they refrain from abandoning their “illegitimate” child/children, they are actively conscious of their acts, and they ASSUME their “responsibility”, they limit it also—they choose to have fewer children either by ‘producing’ less or by having recourse to other contraceptives, BUT THEY DO NOT THROW AWAY THE BORN CHILD, because they are now LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE. Legal responsibility constrains the individual to bear the consequences of his/her own act in cases where moral responsibility does not suffice. In other words, marriage forces the individual to limit these consequences.

Plus, the level of education is what most influences the number of progeny people may have—it is no longer the social engagement, i.e., marriage. As people spring out of ignorance, they are beginning to realize that ‘marry’ and ‘multiply’ are not complements but altogether different concepts. In simple words, marriage is a choice; to have children or not is ANOTHER choice. Unwanted pregnancy is equally probable for unmarried couples as much as it is for married ones.

And we shouldn’t forget the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) also… AIDS is a major problem in the world…Where medical facilities are provided, the problem is not that people aren’t having checkups before partaking in sexual activities… The real problem is that they are hesitant to have checkups when they aren’t married—when they have a secret relationship unknown or unacknowledged by the society… Because they are afraid the beans may just be spilled …

Though being a non-virgin is different from being promiscuous, the world doesn’t differentiate. The world doesn’t care to… The eyes of people perceive “gray” as a tint of black. “Gray” is black mixed with white, that’s all. Who cares to ask: “How many partners do you have?” Maybe having only one partner makes a difference to the individual, but not to the society.


Why is it that “our feeling for our loved ones diminishes when we find out they’re not virgin anymore”?
It’s because we are made to realize that we are NOT the person whom the wine had been saved for... Especially when we are going to share it with someone who is already sozzled…

2) Religion
Yeah, religion binds me, fortunately (Thank you God!)… In Islam, it is STRICTLY PROHIBITED to have sexual relationships outside the circle of marriage. So is adultery. Actually, the 2 main purposes of marriage, which single out humans from animals, are:
(1) Procreation within the family unit, i.e., with all the required support, and
(2) ‘Healthy’ and approved sex.

PAUSE. A common misconception: Islam ALLOWS men to marry four times… But it’s marry to SOLVE A PROBLEM, NOT FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE and WITH THE APPROVAL of the present wife/wives. And why aren’t women allowed so? Because, first, they are not the main provider of the family in most cases; second, females outnumber males when considering the whole world’s population. There are many other reasons… Well, that’s another debate… Let us come back to virginity in Islam…


Love is considered sacred. Love is divine. Love or sex loses its divinity when it is ‘distributed’ to anyone and everyone. Like faith diminishes when it is distributed amongst deities, instead of only one God. Virginity is PERSONAL-- it BELONGS to the individual; it is PART of the individual. When you marry someone, that person becomes a PART of you. Virginity should be given up to someone who is ALREADY A PART OF YOU (husband or wife) and not to someone who is NOT YET A PART OF YOU (a lover for e.g.).

If “the person to whom virginity is given up to” is what gives virginity its sacredness and importance, ergo it loses this sacredness and importance when it has already been given to someone else before?

Moreover, Islam sees it thus: Just like you are being unfaithful to your life partner when you commit the sin of adultery (have sex with someone else your partner), you are being unfaithful to your future life partner when you decide to lose your virginity well before marriage (have sex with someone who may not become your partner). Since there is no guarantee that: Sex partner= Life partner.

3) My Parents
If religion binds me, then parental love and care locks me up… :-)
My parents are quite sensitive about this issue… because of reasons 1) and 2) mentioned above…
And they wouldn’t like it at all if their daughter has been labeled with ‘names’, if she moves in society like a piece meant for mass publicity… I would think about them before taking any decision. For they have always thought about me… They have always cared about me… It’s my duty to care too… Love should be reciprocal, so should be care…

What is more, my parents have faith in me… I do have a say in decisions concerning my life… For they have faith I would choose what’s “right”, they have faith I would follow their teachings… And for nothing in this world am I ever going to break this faith. I admit, am kinda proud and afraid of this confidence. Proud for they’ve considered me worthy of it… But afraid that I might break it unconsciously or unintentionally… How truly it has been said: “Everything in life has a price”… Everything…

That’s one of the reasons why I prefer not to keep any boyfriend, however handsome, smart, cute and ideal the guy may be! Lol 

4) I

Apart from social, religious and cultural influences, I believe the individual somehow influences his or her own choices in life. We all have something peculiar, something specific to ourselves. Putting aside external factors, inner thoughts, beliefs or principles, which differ from one individual to another, also affect the decisions we may take.

Among inmate female friends, we often discuss about issues like “sex” or “virginity”, “marriage” or “cohabitation”… Curious as I am (he..he), I often ask my friends, especially those who have a boyfriend or boyfriends (LOL) the reason for which they would preserve their virginity…

One girl gave me a reply that really touched my heart. She said: “Because it’s the only thing I have that I can preserve”.

Someone else too gave a nice reply: “Because it’s the best gift that I can offer to someone who offers me his life”.
Ah…. It pleased me to know that my friends are on the safe side… At least they know the difference between sex and love… even if they have boyfriends… :-)

We finally come to me…. :-)
My “my reason” for which I chose to lead on this path, well, if I can express it this way:
It’s because I myself wouldn’t be comfortable at all to use tissue paper on which someone else has already sneezed… Then, how can I be so egocentric as to expect the opposite from the one who will be my partner?

Posted by Alpha*
Source: d'Corner of my CircLe

0.0

[Freaked12]

So tell me. 
If You have really started this topic.

Why Do some teens (both male and female) love every moment of it.

How could you say on something which you have not yet experienced. 

Surveys suggest this *thing* is a on a 40 percent increase in Arab-dom heart of conservative ideologies.

There must be something you are missing.

[O.T.13.]

waita minute, are we talking about virginity or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships?

[Alpha]

Now I am grateful. Do I get a new Murcielago Roadster?  

I think we ought legalize abortion.  

0.0

Lol, I saw a long quote, and two small 0's.  
At least, someone read.

So tell me.  
If You have really started this topic.

I'm not making it a topic. I just brought here the comments Deadly_King wished to see. Besides, it's a private blog, so accessing it is a problem.

Why Do some teens (both male and female) love every moment of it.

Because they are still ignorant of the fact that it's temporary. What they love is the physical sensation only. But you don't keep flying in the sky forever.

How could you say on something which you have not yet experienced.  

I haven't been an active participator. But I've at least seen others, watched their states. The fall is downright terrible. Those girls start having 'attacks', keep shouting at night... bla bla.  

Surveys suggest this *thing* is a on a 40 percent increase in Arab-dom heart of conservative ideologies.

Ah, there are many things surveys do not show.  

There must be something you are missing.

My dear Requiem, for every choice in life is a sacrifice. I've made the best I could.  

waita minute, are we talking about virginity or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships?

Boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships, where in virginity hops up.

Don't worry, I'll make sure to moderate this closely.