Jokes and stuff...

[Lana Wolf]

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
There go the lights again?
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."


 

[O.T.13.]

Thanks..lol

omer..lol
still nice...
they werent angry at all?? no mess??

they were too worried about my aunt they were like "just clean up boiii!"

[O.T.13.]

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Yea, when he aint even getting paid to do it

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

And don't forget they must be doughnut maniacs

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Yessss! Didn't it happen to you before?

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

ANyone need a kidney? I really don't mind giving up my second one for the right price

[Lana Wolf]

they were too worried about my aunt they were like "just clean up boiii!"

lol....lucky you...

[Lana Wolf]

Didn't it happen to you before?

huh./??

[O.T.13.]

huh./??

i was being sarcastic -_-

[Lana Wolf]

oh...lol
didnt know you cud be...

[O.T.13.]

oh...lol
didnt know you cud be...

just so you can't say you've never seen a miracle before

[Lana Wolf]

just so you can't say you've never seen a miracle before

lol


MORE JOKES...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it is perfect, then expand it and add more features until it breaks.

[Lana Wolf]

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

[Lana Wolf]

This isnt exactly a joke...just lykd it and wanted to post it...didnt know where else to..


There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........

She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!

Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........

Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?

She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........

Her Boyfriend goes away saying....



GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!

[Lana Wolf]

Blonde joke... 


Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

[O.T.13.]

This isnt exactly a joke...just lykd it and wanted to post it...didnt know where else to..


There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........

She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!

Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........

Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?

She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........

Her Boyfriend goes away saying....



GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!

tyopical female act 

[Lana Wolf]

Shut up... 

another one...

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.

lmao...

[Lana Wolf]

SOME QUOTES
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"

When there's a will, I want to be in it."

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.";

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.";

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.";

People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.";

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?";

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?";