Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 329751 times)

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1065 on: June 01, 2009, 01:29:17 pm »
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally,he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

ouch! lol :P

Offline ZeroZero82

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1066 on: June 01, 2009, 02:08:12 pm »
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: Where are you from?

I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.

The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.

Of Course, replies the second man.


Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?

Dublin, comes the reply.

I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.

Of course, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?

Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.

This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.

Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Malley twins are drunk again.
It's too late for...Roses.

Five finger death punch!

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1067 on: June 01, 2009, 02:14:06 pm »
mmmmm i think men only think of themselves...women have no choice at the end.... :( and for me i am ready to marry the son of the gardener if i really love him!!lol!! just kidden... :P

*cough* vice-versa *cough*
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline astarmathsandphysics

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1068 on: June 01, 2009, 02:26:00 pm »
the |BMW joke made me scream

Offline O.T.13.

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1069 on: June 01, 2009, 02:32:41 pm »
ROTF
wus with all the blonde and anti-female jokes in here (not that i'm complaining)?!
man yusef, abdulrhaman, and Eagle, you people are GREAT!
but one lil thing, aren't you afraid of the women's revenge?
i still find it weird that neither shoushu nor sweetsh nor any others is replying yet (remember who won the last time twilight? :P)
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1070 on: June 01, 2009, 02:38:00 pm »
the |BMW joke made me scream

lmao

 imagining u screaming  :P

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1071 on: June 01, 2009, 03:53:07 pm »
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the bastard who pushed me in the pool!"

AHAHAHAH!!! LMFAOO!!

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1072 on: June 01, 2009, 04:12:32 pm »

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel.

His wife looks over at him and says, 'Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.' The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, 'I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.' Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, 'I want the house.' Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, 'I want the kids too.' The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, 'I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.' The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, 'Is there anything you want?'

The husband says, 'No, I've got everything I need right here.' She asks, 'What's that?'

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, 'I've got the airbag!'

Offline X Abdulrahman X

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1073 on: June 01, 2009, 05:37:21 pm »
ROTF
wus with all the blonde and anti-female jokes in here (not that i'm complaining)?!
man yusef, abdulrhaman, and Eagle, you people are GREAT!
but one lil thing, aren't you afraid of the women's revenge?
i still find it weird that neither shoushu nor sweetsh nor any others is replying yet (remember who won the last time twilight? :P)

haha ive noticed too, they'll never find us ;)
When they talk about me they say I be trippin
What they say about me doesn't make me mad 
I think they hatin cause they see me when I'm rollin
Man I can't help it that they really doin bad  =P

Big cars, Big wheels, Big chains, Big pimpin', Big money, Big Dreams ;-)

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1074 on: June 01, 2009, 05:58:18 pm »
ROTF
wus with all the blonde and anti-female jokes in here (not that i'm complaining)?!
man yusef, abdulrhaman, and Eagle, you people are GREAT!
but one lil thing, aren't you afraid of the women's revenge?
i still find it weird that neither shoushu nor sweetsh nor any others is replying yet (remember who won the last time twilight? :P)
'

Hey ok!! i didnt reply because i still haven't read any!! but it seems that we r being insulted and i am not there for the slap back!! For the sake of women..here i come!!lol!!

ill read them now, they better be good!! >:(

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1075 on: June 01, 2009, 06:02:08 pm »
hehe.... guyz... hope ur all prepared.... here cums Monica the slapper ...:P :P :P :P :P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1076 on: June 01, 2009, 06:04:12 pm »
hahaha!! ya the slapper!! i am innocent and weak!! :-[ I am kind and sweet!! :-[ I am cute and pretty!! :-[

BUT NOT WITH GUYZ!! >:( >:( >:(

haha!!lol!! jokkin!! :P :P :P

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1077 on: June 01, 2009, 06:06:00 pm »
lol. yeah I know u are matie.... ur the sweetest out of us all... and the slaps come with the package :P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1078 on: June 01, 2009, 06:08:56 pm »
lol. yeah I know u are matie.... ur the sweetest out of us all... and the slaps come with the package :P

hahahahaha!! hey roxy read wid me their jokes, lets check wat they wrote!

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1079 on: June 01, 2009, 06:11:33 pm »
lol.. which one r u on ?
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]