JOKES AND Riddles!!

[dodi23]

ya true..

[The Golden Girl =D]

ya true..

someone s with me ,see! 

[dodi23]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

[The Golden Girl =D]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

man that's so hilarious ...it's soo funy 

[dodi23]

Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home.

Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What's a man's idea of helpin with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?
A. So men can understand them.

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Government bonds mature.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six pack.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

[dodi23]

man that's so hilarious ...it's soo funy 

By the way its a true story!!

[The Golden Girl =D]

By the way its a true story!!

wallah:D ....man i don't kno what would i have done if i was her  LMAO *lost in my own imagination *

[The Golden Girl =D]

Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home.

Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What's a man's idea of helpin with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?
A. So men can understand them.

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Government bonds mature.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six pack.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

lol..this is cool too .....one day inshAllah i'll share  too 

[dodi23]

loooool
inshallah id like 2 c ur jokes =P

[The Golden Girl =D]

loooool
inshallah id like 2 c ur jokes =P

hehe they'll be clean for sure ..lol..anyways gtg pray .cya

[Monica]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

LOOOOOOOL.hahahaha she is a crazy lady 

Nice one! Thx for sharing. 

[dodi23]

id3ily golden girl
mony: nytime..love ur thread By the way..its like my fav. in the forum

If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS?

I read that most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. So I moved the cooker to the bedroom.

A man to his friend: "At my house I always say the last word".
His friend: "What is the word?"
The man: "I am sorry. Forgive me"

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day

Make love not war. Unless you want to do both. If so - get married.

How do you call a wife who knows where her husband lies down every night? - A widow!

Yesterday I thought about you all day.
I was at the Zoo.

You can't buy love, but you most certainly can pay dearly for it.

Marriage means that someone helps you coping with all the problems you never had when you were a bachelor.

   
During the first year of marriage, the husband speaks and the wife hears.
During the second year, the wife speaks and the husband hears.
During the third year both of them speak, but only the neighbours hear.

My wife ran away with my best friend.
To tell you the truth, I really miss him

Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.


I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married, but then it was too late..

[dodi23]

    
DUMB MEN JOKES

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?
A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.

Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.

Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A:YES!!!

Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?
A:Because they aren't lost, they just don't know where they are.


3 ways to have fun with men:
1.tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss
2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on
3.wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.


Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.

The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.

The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.

The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.

At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.

The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

[dodi23]

I think my wife is selling drugs! Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said, Hey honey is that DOPE gone yet?


How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares!!!



A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a woman!



Q: Why do men have slits in their underware?
A: So they can get oxygen to their brains.


Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually active?
A: He's breathing!



Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off of his head.

Q. How are men like parking spaces?
A. The good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped

[dodi23]

Rejected Hallmark Cards
   

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."

"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."