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I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Why I Fired My Secretary
This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Alright , another on the way :P
20 Fun Things To Do On An Elevator While Bored :P
Next time you're on an elevator and feel alittle bored, liven up the moment with some of these insightful ideas. Guaranteed to make heads turn or your money back.
1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
4. Swat at flies that don't exist.
5. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
7. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
8. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
9. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
10. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
11. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
12. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
14. Fart loudly then exclaim "Was that you. There's no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don't come out loud."
15. Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
16. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
17. Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction.
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "that's mine!"
19. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
20. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
:P How do u like that? ;)
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
I'm sick......... I need a surgery I guess ::)
Things you DON'T want to hear during a surgery
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Darn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..
What's this doing here?
I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..
That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.
This is truly a freak of nature.
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, this patient signed the organ donation card,right ?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
and the number one thing I don't want the doctor to say during my surgery
Oops!!!!
Monica:
--- Quote from: lord kratos on May 27, 2010, 11:48:29 pm --- Alright , another on the way :P
20 Fun Things To Do On An Elevator While Bored :P
Next time you're on an elevator and feel alittle bored, liven up the moment with some of these insightful ideas. Guaranteed to make heads turn or your money back.
1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
4. Swat at flies that don't exist.
5. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
7. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
8. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
9. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
10. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
11. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
12. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
14. Fart loudly then exclaim "Was that you. There's no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don't come out loud."
15. Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
16. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
17. Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction.
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "that's mine!"
19. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
20. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
:P How do u like that? ;)
--- End quote ---
Silly. ::) :P
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
thank u :D
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