Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 337263 times)

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3000 on: June 14, 2009, 11:49:47 am »
THIS IS THE 3000TH POST IN THIS THREAD :D :D :D

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3001 on: June 14, 2009, 11:51:12 am »
haha wow..thx mates for helping me!!

now this thread is the first thread to reach the 3000th post :D :D :D

hahaha..nice :D  nd this is my 2009th post :P

Offline MR.BooMBastiC

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3002 on: June 14, 2009, 11:51:17 am »
guys...check out this one!!!!   hope u get it!!


Driving Violations

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....

The man says "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your
seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"

Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?
Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk!"

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3003 on: June 14, 2009, 11:51:44 am »
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.

She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3004 on: June 14, 2009, 11:52:14 am »
see previous page for more.. :P

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the 1st blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers " That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye"

The policeman says "Well...Uh.. that's because the picture shows his profile" Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asked her "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says "Ha! He'd be easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He adds quickly "....think hard before giving a stupid answer"

The Blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says "HMMMM... the suspect is wearing contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless, because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that is a good answer.. wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that" He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"WoW! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contacts lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy" the blonde replied. "He can't wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!"

LMAOO!!

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3005 on: June 14, 2009, 11:54:26 am »
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

dammn i said jokes thats enough for this whoole day..

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3006 on: June 14, 2009, 11:56:14 am »
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."

The mother: "What did you name her?!?"

Brother: "Denise!"

The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"

Brother: "The second one was a boy."

The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"

Brother: "Denephew."


nd just in case u dont understand it.. Neice is ur bro's/sisster's daughter.. :P

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3007 on: June 14, 2009, 12:03:14 pm »
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery
and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.

The robbery begins.

Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make
absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the
bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said Buffie.

Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes . . .

Two minutes pass . . .

Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped
up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open
again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his
weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you
understood the plan!"

Buffie said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"


AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3008 on: June 14, 2009, 12:03:58 pm »
John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem,"
says Buffy.

"What's the matter?" asks John.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces
fit together and I can't find any edges," she tells him.

"What's the picture of?" asks John.

"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.

"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Buffy's house and she shows him the jigsaw on the
kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says,
"For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box!"

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3009 on: June 14, 2009, 12:08:46 pm »
hahaha ok these r funny...i liked the pregnant women..lol....

thxxxxxx mate!! +rep for u :D

AL*Eagle

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3010 on: June 14, 2009, 12:15:54 pm »
hahaha ok these r funny...i liked the pregnant women..lol....

thxxxxxx mate!! +rep for u :D

lol.. glad u like'em

Offline MR.BooMBastiC

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3011 on: June 14, 2009, 12:16:40 pm »
guys!!!! i hav jokes they r hilarious but adult rated!!!!!!

so wat do i do!!!!

should i post them???

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3012 on: June 14, 2009, 12:27:22 pm »
guys!!!! i hav jokes they r hilarious but adult rated!!!!!!

so wat do i do!!!!

should i post them???

I think its ok..but not that much over rated..u know :-\

and the pakistanis thread..mashalla is about to reach the 3000th post..lol!!

zara

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3013 on: June 14, 2009, 12:28:22 pm »
guys!!!! i hav jokes they r hilarious but adult rated!!!!!!

so wat do i do!!!!

should i post them???

I think its ok..but not that much over rated..u know :-\

and the pakistanis thread..mashalla is about to reach the 3000th post..lol!!
yea mashalla!!! ;D

*raisin her collar*

Monica

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #3014 on: June 14, 2009, 12:29:32 pm »
i posted over there nd u posted here..lol!!

congrats anyway!! we should make a party together :P hahaha!!