Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 370178 times)

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2490 on: June 07, 2009, 05:59:16 pm »
waaaaaaaaaaat !!!!!!!!!! R U SEROUS MATE :P :P :P


continuation,.... looool.... I wonder who made it up :P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2491 on: June 07, 2009, 05:59:21 pm »
THE FINAL PART
PART 4



“I’ve even thought about how. Poisons and other drugs won’t work on me. And I’ve seen pictures of snakes that were shot - some of them live for days, so that’s out too. So, I want you to bring back a sword.

Nate turned away to look back to the dune that Sammy had gone behind. “I’d say an axe, but that’s somewhat undignified - putting my head on the ground or a chopping block like that. No, I like a sword. A time-honored way of going out. A dignified way to die. And, most importantly, it should work, even on me.

“You willing to do that for me, Jack?” Nate turned back to look at Jack.

“Yeah, Nate,” replied Jack solemnly, “I think I can handle that.”

Nate nodded. “Good!” He turned back toward the dune and shouted, “Sammy! Jack’s about ready to leave!” Then quietly, “Thanks, Jack.”

Jack didn’t have anything to say to that, so he waited for Sammy to make it back to the lever, nodded to him, nodded a final time to Nate, and then headed into the desert with Sammy following. Over the next several years Sammy and Jack kept in touch with Nate through e-mail as they went about their adventures. They made a goal of visiting every country in the world, and did a respectable job of it. Sammy had a natural gift for languages, as Jack expected he would, and even ended up acting as a translator for Jack in a few of the countries. Jack managed to keep the talking rattlesnake hidden, even so, and by the time they were nearing the end of their tour of countries, Sammy had only been spotted a few times. While there were several people that had seen enough to startle them greatly, nobody had enough evidence to prove anything, and while a few wild rumors and storied followed Jack and Sammy around, nothing ever hit the newspapers or the public in general.

When they finished the tour of countries, Jack suggested that they try some undersea diving. They did. And spelunking. They did that too. Sammy finally drew the line at visiting Antarctica. He’d come to realize that Jack was stalling. After talking to his Dad about it over e-mail, he figured out that Jack probably didn’t want to have to kill Nate. Nate told Sammy that humans could be squeamish about killing friends and acquaintances.

So, Sammy eventually put his tail down (as he didn’t have a foot) and told Jack that it was time - he was ready to go back and take up his duties from his dad. Jack, delayed it a little more by insisting that they go back to Japan and buy an appropriate sword. He even stretched it a little more by getting lessons in how to use the sword. But, eventually, he’d learned as much as he was likely to without dedicating his life to it, and was definitely competent enough to take the head off of a snake. It was time to head back and see Nate.

When they got back to the US, Jack got the old RV out of storage where he and Sammy had left it after their tour of the fifty states, he loaded up Sammy and the sword, and they headed for the desert.

When they got to the small town that Jack had been trying to find those years ago when he’d met Nate, Jack was in a funk. He didn’t really feel like walking all of the way out there. Not only that, but he’d forgotten to figure the travel time correctly, and it was late afternoon. They’d either have to spend the night in town and walk out tomorrow, or walk in the dark.

As Jack was afraid that if he waited one more night he might lose his resolve, he decided that he’d go ahead and drive the RV out there. It was only going to be this once, and Jack would go back and cover the tracks afterward. They ought to be able to make it out there by nightfall if they drove, and then they could get it over tonight.

Jack told Sammy to e-mail Nate that they were coming as he drove out of sight of the town on the road. They then pulled off the road and headed out into the desert.

Everything went well, until they got to the sand dunes. Jack had been nursing the RV along the whole time, over the rocks, through the creek beds, revving the engine the few times they almost got stuck. When they came to the dunes, Jack didn’t really think about it, he just downshifted and headed up the first one. By the third dune, Jack started to regret that he’d decided to try driving on the sand. The RV was fishtailling and losing traction. Jack was having to work it up each dune slowly and was trying to keep from losing control each time they came over the top and slid down the other side. Sammy had come up to sit in the passenger seat, coiled up and laughing at Jack’s driving.

As they came over the top of the fourth dune, the biggest one yet, Jack saw that this was the final dune - the stone, the lever, and somewhere Nate, waited below. Jack put on the brakes, but he’d gone a little too far. The RV started slipping down the other side.

Jack tried turning the wheel, but he didn’t have enough traction. He pumped the brakes - no response. They started sliding down the hill, faster and faster.

Jack felt a shock go through him as he suddenly realized that they were heading for the lever. He looked down - the RV was directly on course for it. If Jack didn’t do something, the RV would hit it. He was about to end humanity.

Jack steered more frantically, trying to get traction. It still wasn’t working. The dune was too steep, and the sand too loose. In a split second, Jack realized that his only chance would be once he hit the stone around the lever - he should have traction on the stone for just a second before he hit the lever - he wouldn’t have time to stop, but he should be able to steer away.

Jack took a better grip on the steering wheel and tried to turn the RV a little bit - every little bit would help. He’d have to time his turn just right.

The RV got to the bottom of the dune, sliding at an amazing speed in the sand. Just before they reached the stone Jack looked across it to check that they were still heading for the lever. They were. But Jack noticed something else that he hadn’t seen from the top of the dune. Nate wasn’t wrapped around the lever. He was off to the side of the lever, but still on the stone, waiting for them. The problem was, he was waiting on the same side of the lever that Jack had picked to steer towards to avoid the lever. The RV was already starting to drift that way a little in its mad rush across the sand and there was no way that Jack was going to be able to go around the lever to the other side.

Jack had an instant of realization. He was either going to have to hit the lever, or run over Nate. He glanced over at Sammy and saw that Sammy realized the same thing.

Jack took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone. Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, “BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,” he ran over the snake.

THE END

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2492 on: June 07, 2009, 05:59:43 pm »
what the ... !!!

who's the bored person who sat and typed all that  :P

and please sgvaibhav, if u read it, tell us all about it  :)

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2493 on: June 07, 2009, 06:00:21 pm »
loooool...!!

yeah... seems interesting.. are you sure its a joke and not a story ....:P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2494 on: June 07, 2009, 06:01:15 pm »
dunno
my first joke
has to be a grand one :P

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2495 on: June 07, 2009, 06:01:51 pm »
hehe... yup.. and it sure was !

:P   +REPP
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2496 on: June 07, 2009, 06:02:05 pm »
who ever reads this, i will donate, one email account to him. all he has to do is to explain me this thing.

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2497 on: June 07, 2009, 06:02:39 pm »
if i am goign to get +rep by posting jokes, then i have thousands of good jokes.
wow i am going to post all :P

Offline Ukhti-R

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2498 on: June 07, 2009, 06:02:50 pm »
loool....!   "all" he has to do ..:P
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him." [65: 2-3]

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2499 on: June 07, 2009, 06:04:27 pm »
sgaivbhav, we have a small rule here, we dont post any jokes that are more than 2 meters long  :P jk

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2500 on: June 07, 2009, 06:04:44 pm »
One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks.

The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Blonde.

He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc.

Then authorities questioned : Mr.B are you mad!?? just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have overran that person.

Mr. B said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came close.



All u have to do is give me +rep.
and they will keep pouring in

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2501 on: June 07, 2009, 06:06:00 pm »
The rabbit that was on drugs?

Running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"

The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat up the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, " He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"

Q80BOY

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2502 on: June 07, 2009, 06:07:14 pm »
hehe, keep em coming  ;) +REP  :)

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2503 on: June 07, 2009, 06:08:14 pm »
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

An old woman sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said,

‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service


They are coming






(i meant jokes)

Offline SGVaibhav

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #2504 on: June 07, 2009, 06:08:47 pm »
Driving like mom

Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an
intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver
went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver,
“What are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”

The drive said, “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this.”

Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped
right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and
said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you
please stop this nonsense!”

The driver said, “All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives
like this all the time.”

They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green.
The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The
passenger yelled, “What are you doing now? This is the third time you
almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”

“My mother might be coming the other way.”

By the way if anyone has any jokes, plz feel free to post it!



Waiting for +reps