Author Topic: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P  (Read 6779 times)

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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>> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« on: August 28, 2011, 07:01:29 am »
~Biology:

-Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.

-Confucius's once said, "When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire."

-Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.

-A guy goes into a bar and asks ''can I have a pint of energy please?''
The barman pulls the pint and says ''that'll be 80p please'' (80p read ATP)

-Why did the chicken cross the road?
Darwin1: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Darwin2: The fittest chickens cross the road.

-Q: what do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The nucleus.

-A TV viewer sent a headline to the Jay Leno Tonight Show that read "Integration of Physics into Cellular Biology Leads to Epidermal Solar Cells with Growth Vectors."


~Chemistry:

-A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

-what did the confused magnesium oxide say
OMg

-Neutron walks into a bar, ask the barman "how much for a pint"...... barman says "for you? no charge!"

-Two atoms are walking down a road, one says to the other "i think i just lost an electron", second atom says "are you sure?", first atom replies "yes, i'm positive!"

-Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

-If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

-According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

-What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

-What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated spirits.

-What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


~Physics:

-Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

-Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.

-Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

-What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

-Question:


Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which class it belongs to?

Answer:

If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.

If it stinks, it's chemistry.

If it doesn't work, it's physics.

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Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2011, 01:59:45 pm »
Simply SUPERB. LOOOOLL!!

Thanks for the laugh.  ;)

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2011, 02:31:31 pm »
Simply SUPERB. LOOOOLL!!

Thanks for the laugh.  ;)

:P

Glad to make you laugh! :D
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Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2011, 04:31:54 pm »
~ For the Bio students.  :P


What's hot on the tube this month?
What's out for the hottest new show on the Dizzy Channel.

A new dramatic series set in the hustle bustle world of high fashion
protein synthesis It's ...
                                 ROUGH ER
See the drama of these hot young ribosomes as they fight to save proteins,
surrounded by the harsh and cruel reducing environment of the big
cytoplasm.

Watch as the mutilated remains of spliced and modified RNA come into the ER
to be transformed into hardy new proteins. Ready to take on anything the
extracellular environment can throw at them, as they go for the Golgi.

Stay tuned to your TV listings for where to tune for
                                 ROUGH ER
                 (Sponsored by AAA, Amino Acids Anonymous)


----

Bio Personals.


~There must be a rational way to meet a date! I'm tired of hanging out in those molecular diversity bars, hoping to randomly bump into the right peptide. I want a molecule that will fit right into my active site and really turn me on. I'll send you my crystal structure if you send me
yours!

~Gene therapy graduate. After years of producing nothing but gibberish, I've shed my exons and am ready to express my introns. All I need is a cute vector to introduce me to the right host.

~My RNA, I'm sorry I misread your UAAUAAUAA and inserted three tyrosines when you repeatedly asked me to stop. Something got lost in the translation. Please forgive me.


Biology is so much more fun, now. :D


Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2011, 06:46:30 pm »


Biology is so much more fun, now. :D



Always loved it. <3
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Offline iluvme

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2011, 08:39:01 am »
Always loved it. <3

Never did :P

Though in my previous life I might have  :-\   :P
I believe in killing the messenger. Know why? It sends  message.
~Damon Salvatore~

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2011, 09:48:01 am »
Never did :P

Though in my previous life I might have  :-\   :P

Lol.

What do you mean previous life ? :-\ :-X
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Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2011, 01:44:49 pm »
Lol.

What do you mean previous life ? :-\ :-X

She reincarnated herself to hate biology.  :P

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2011, 01:59:38 pm »
She reincarnated herself to hate biology.  :P

Lol.

Not biologically possible. :P
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Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2011, 02:27:26 pm »
Lol.

Not biologically possible. :P


Guess she did it physically. LOLz.

We'll wait for her to tell us the secret.  :P

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2011, 02:38:49 pm »

Guess she did it physically. LOLz.

We'll wait for her to tell us the secret.  :P
LOLZ. :P

We shall wait then. ::)

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Offline NotAbod

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2011, 06:36:23 pm »
~Chemistry:

-A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

-what did the confused magnesium oxide say
OMg

-Neutron walks into a bar, ask the barman "how much for a pint"...... barman says "for you? no charge!"

-Two atoms are walking down a road, one says to the other "i think i just lost an electron", second atom says "are you sure?", first atom replies "yes, i'm positive!"

-Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

-If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

-According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

-What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

-What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated spirits.

-What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #12 on: August 29, 2011, 07:37:10 pm »
^ LOOL!  :D


Question: What is "IT"?

Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And supersymmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.

Answer: IT = science, of course.


 ::)

Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2011, 08:19:03 pm »
^That was amazing! ;D
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Amelia

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Re: >> SCIENCE JOKES ONLY << || ONLY SCIENCE PEOPLE ALLOWED =P
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2011, 09:14:43 pm »
^ Zanks.  :P


Another short one:

Three science students went to a pond.
The physics student said he wanted to calculate the density of water and jumped into the pond.
Then the student of mathematics said that he wanted to calculate the depth of the pond and followed the physics student.
The chemistry student waited for about an hour, then finding no trace of the two, he left concluding that both were soluble in water.

~ Beware of chem kids.  ;D