IGCSE/GCSE/O & A Level/IB/University Student Forum
General Chat NEW! The Student Forums Chatroom => Funnies => Topic started by: Lana Wolf on December 18, 2009, 09:28:32 am
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Well this is a father's day joke..but i found it funny...
Top Ten Things You`ll Never Hear a Dad Say:
10. Well, how `bout that?... I`m lost! Looks like we`ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you`re thirteen, you`ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won`t that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
7. Here`s a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don`t know what`s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let`s go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father`s Day? aahh -- don`t worry about that -- it`s no big deal.
I'll post more when i find some more... :)
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20 GOOD LINES :)
1. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
2. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
3. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
4. Don't take life too seriously--no one gets out alive.
5. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
6. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
7. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
8. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
9. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
10. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
11. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
12. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
13. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
14. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
15. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
16. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
17. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
18. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
19. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
20. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
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Another piece on fathers..lol
Fathers of 1900 didn`t have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
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In 1900, a father`s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it`s the size of his minivan.
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In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family`s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that`s just the vacation home.
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In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn`t touch Dad`s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
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In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
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In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
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In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it`s time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it`s time for hockey practice."
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In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy`s at baseball, Cindy`s at gymnastics, I`m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
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In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons` ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."
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In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys `R` Us, and the kid screams: "I want an XBOX!!!!"
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In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it`s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
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In 1900, a Father`s Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he`ll get a digital organizer.
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In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald`s.
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In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.
Today, a father`s involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.
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In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you`re invading my space." :o
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In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?" :)
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In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2009, fathers are never truly appreciated.
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A student's request for money.. :)
A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked Her for some money, because he was broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000."
"That`s $1020!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy??"
"Don`t worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
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This place is soo dead..im writing jokes and laughing at them myself... :( :'(
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This place is soo dead..im writing jokes and laughing at them myself... :( :'(
naaaah dont worry just give it some time and we'll all be laughing in here ;)
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naaaah dont worry just give it some time and we'll all be laughing in here ;)
lol...hope so.. :)
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;D Am here too... ;) :D
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5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
Lovely lol; Actually i did something similiar to that once; paretns gota call from my cousin saying his mom is in the hospital, my parents rush out; what do i do? PARTAAAAAAAAY! somehow, i got 15 people (plus me and my lil brother) stacked into the house ;D
13. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Me likeyyyy this one the mmost :D
19. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
and i have my eyes get bulged out
17. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig
rotf
20. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
She thought wrong :P
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family`s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that`s just the vacation home.
rotf
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn`t touch Dad`s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
if fathers can only develope a proper sense of style....
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
... just to find the kid smoking hash behind the park tree
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you`re invading my space." :o
in both cases the kid wud be like "damn! whens he gonna leave!?" its just that now ther're less manners and more nerves :D
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This is like the Jokes and Riddles thread. :-\
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This is like the Jokes and Riddles thread. :-\
ya..i guess...i just wanted to make another one...new jokes and stuff...
Omer..lol
i cudnt ever throw a party without being caught...lol
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ya..i guess...i just wanted to make another one...new jokes and stuff...
Omer..lol
i cudnt ever throw a party without being caught...lol
i actually i did get get caught, but i reminded them that i mentioned the day before that "ama be getting a couple of friends" and when they found out its 15 i told them some of them brought guests :D
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Good Jokes! Finally, the humour section livened up a bid.
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Good Jokes! Finally, the humour section livened up a bid.
Thanks..lol :)
omer..lol
still nice...
they werent angry at all?? no mess??
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Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
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Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
There go the lights again?
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."
:D ;D ;D
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Thanks..lol :)
omer..lol
still nice...
they werent angry at all?? no mess??
they were too worried about my aunt they were like "just clean up boiii!"
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-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Yea, when he aint even getting paid to do it
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
And don't forget they must be doughnut maniacs
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
Yessss! Didn't it happen to you before? :P
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."
ANyone need a kidney? I really don't mind giving up my second one for the right price :P
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they were too worried about my aunt they were like "just clean up boiii!"
lol....lucky you... ;)
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Didn't it happen to you before? :P
huh./??
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huh./??
i was being sarcastic -_-
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oh...lol
didnt know you cud be... :P
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oh...lol
didnt know you cud be... :P
just so you can't say you've never seen a miracle before :P
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just so you can't say you've never seen a miracle before :P
lol
MORE JOKES...
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it is perfect, then expand it and add more features until it breaks.
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Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
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This isnt exactly a joke...just lykd it and wanted to post it...didnt know where else to.. :P
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........
She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!
Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........
Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?
She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........
Her Boyfriend goes away saying....
GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!
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Blonde joke... ;D
Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
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This isnt exactly a joke...just lykd it and wanted to post it...didnt know where else to.. :P
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........
She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!
Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........
Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?
She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........
Her Boyfriend goes away saying....
GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!
tyopical female act :P
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Shut up... >:(
another one...
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
lmao...
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SOME QUOTES
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"
When there's a will, I want to be in it."
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.";
It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.";
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.";
People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.";
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?";
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?";
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Divorcing after 45 years an elderly Indian man in Leicester calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!"
"Pop, what are you talking about?" The son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Leicester immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay", he says, "They're coming for Diwali and paying their own travel fare." !!!!!
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10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Well,it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should i try this time.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why?Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:- No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement.We occasionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:- No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke
Answer:- No, it's a miracle... it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!
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nevermind i took it away lol
erase ur last post :P
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nevermind i took it away lol
erase ur last post :P
lol...why..? :P
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lol...why..? :P
cuz it wasnt doing so much for the "guys are better than gals" reputation
okay, definition of marriage: A process in which a man loses her Bachelor's and a woman gains her Master's
more marriage jokes coming up....
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cuz it wasnt doing so much for the "guys are better than gals" reputation
okay, definition of marriage: A process in which a man loses her Bachelor's and a woman gains her Master's
more marriage jokes coming up....
lol...okay....
but i gotta go now...bye... :D
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okay actually these are more like quotes ill put them in the Quotes thread
don't worry though, OT is getting something more beneficial: A DICTIONARY! 8)
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lol...okay....
but i gotta go now...bye... :D
oh darn! okay no broblem ill make that my last post on this thread for today then :D
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The man with the bloody finger .....
One night an old lady was sitting watching TV in her house when the phone rang.She answered it. A mans voice said: "I'm the man with the bloody finger. I'm 10 steps away from your house."
The old lady signed and went back to watching TV.
Five minutes later the phone rang again. The man said: "I'm the man with the bloody finger and I'm 5 steps away from your house."
Scared the old lady sat back down and watched TV.
Two minutes later the phone rang again. The dark voice said: "I'm the man with the bloody finger and I'm two steps away from your house."
The old woman screamed. She turned off the TV, too scared to speak.
A couple of minutes later there was a thump thump thump! at the door. The old women shrieked but went to open it.
At the door stood a horrible man looking deathly at the old lady.
"I'm the man" He whispered, "With the bloody finger.... Could I have a bandage?"
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FIVE SURGEONS...
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
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DOCTOR TERMINOLOGY...
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or--
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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two in one grave
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you , and that's when you remember: You've been listening to your iPod
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You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you , and that's when you remember: You've been listening to your iPod
hahaha.... :D
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A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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Well i guess im the only one posting jokes here and laufin at em. . . :-\ :(
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i come often, but its just that i havent got much to say, keep it up ;)
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i come often, but its just that i havent got much to say, keep it up ;)
yes.. talking to myself is gr8.. :-\
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yes.. talking to myself is gr8.. :-\
its okay dont worry, i talk to myself on the quotes thread a lot, sgvaibhav on the general chat, sherri on her jokes thread, etc
we all need our own "base"
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its okay dont worry, i talk to myself on the quotes thread a lot, sgvaibhav on the general chat, sherri on her jokes thread, etc
we all need our own "base"
lol... cant believe its happenning to me tho.. :) ::)
My own 'base' ..lol
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hahahhah..there really nice!! :D
and yes i know..ive missed loads!!:(
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Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
Love it!! lol
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
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umm.. thanks for quoting me.. but what..?? :-\ ???
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hahahhah..there really nice!! :D
and yes i know..ive missed loads!!:(
yes yes yes.. but exams are equally imp.. :/
hope you'll cm online more often now on.. ;D
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yes yes yes.. but exams are equally imp.. :/
hope you'll cm online more often now on.. ;D
27em 27em, umm, equally? ::)
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ALL OF 'EM are Hilarious! Keep it up!
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27em 27em, umm, equally? ::)
yes.. equally.. lol
whts the 1st two words..??lol
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ALL OF 'EM are Hilarious! Keep it up!
THANK YOU.. !! Atleast someone's reading em.. :D
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hey lana...u can copy those jokes in my thread and put them in ur thread :P
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umm.. thanks for quoting me.. but what..?? :-\ ???
lol sorry...it was me..
just wanted to say that these are the best I've read so far!
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lol sorry...it was me..
just wanted to say that these are the best I've read so far!
haha.. thanks..
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hey lana...u can copy those jokes in my thread and put them in ur thread :P
okay..? but why? lol
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okay..? but why? lol
Monny gets high on regular basis, just ignore that :D
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Monny gets high on regular basis, just ignore that :D
Oh..yes.. you would know.. :P ::)
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hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D
OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P
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hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D
OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P
high* :P
man its been a long time since i last said
actually a lot of my talking terminologies have changed within the past three weeks :D
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hahahaha...I meant like to increase the number of posts in ur thread... :D
OT is the one who gets hight on regular basis not me..u should check his "yoyoyo" enteries.. :P
haha.. okay..
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A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
-
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
lol
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New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
-
chek mine!!
The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
In n out...
in n out.....
until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.
" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!! ::)
-
chek mine!!
The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
In n out...
in n out.....
until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.
" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!! ::)
haha..
Letter from Father
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read real fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your mom read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we decided to move 30 miles down the road. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it, though. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the ain. We haven't seen 'em since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off -- you' ll find 'em in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your momma out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back and drowned -- they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Uncle,
Dad
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chek mine!!
The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
In n out...
in n out.....
until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.
Now THAT'S what I call a hot joke!!! ;D ;D :D :D
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Now THAT'S what I call a hot joke!!! ;D ;D :D :D
lol id pass on the compliment to my friend! she tld me that! ;D
-
Biting Nails
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"How?"
"I hid his teeth."
-
You know you've been In College Too Long...When...
You consider McDonald's "real food."
You actually like doing laundry at home.
4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
It starts getting late on the weeknights.
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
You'd rather clean than study.
Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.You know the pizza boy by name.
You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
Prank phone calls become funny again.
Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
You find out milk crates have so many uses.
The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).
-
Freds' Note
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"
-
hmm i making this up ....
something like...
U put the white stuff in the hairy area..
then u keep rubbing it... rub it hard... and u will see white foam :P
shampooo
i know its not that good, but u all can rephrase it and make it better :P
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Freds' Note
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"
hahahahaha....!!! Good one. :D
@sgvaibhav..loool..hahaha, u r trying to copy that joke..haha :P
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hey teju those were really good :D
I have 1 ;)
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any “re-scooter” is available in system? I find only “re-cycle”, but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS
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hey teju those were really good :D
I have 1 ;)
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any “re-scooter” is available in system? I find only “re-cycle”, but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS
hahaaa... nice nid... :D :D :D
@sgvaibhav.. nice try.. :)
ya, it needs a lil rephrasing.. :D :D funny though.. :D
-
chek mine!!
The hard thing goes in..
and you suck it.
In n out...
in n out.....
until a white creamy foam spills outta your mouth.
" WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOOTHPASTE!!
follow the directions well n ul avoid a visit to the dentist!! ::)
Should email this to colgate palmotive. Maybe they will make an advertisement like this.
-
Should email this to colgate palmotive. Maybe they will make an advertisement like this.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D
-
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
-
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
hahahahahaha :D :D :D :D
-
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
-
You know you've been In College Too Long...When...
You consider McDonald's "real food."
true
You actually like doing laundry at home.
true
4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
true
It starts getting late on the weeknights.
dont get it
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
true
You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
no, i wear sandals most of the time :P
You'd rather clean than study.
no, i never cleaned my room so far, only once my sister did so for me before she travelled, and she was the one to unpack my bags not me
Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
not half, but yea, quite a lot
Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
Minesweepr*
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.You know the pizza boy by name.
true and true, and also around my extracurricular activities. no, my housemates get me the food ;D
You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
in weekends, yea
You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
pretty much yea
Prank phone calls become funny again.
ah=huh
Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
never been there, but i am literally in love with Sunway Pyramid
World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
True
You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
i dont have one ;D
Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
no that would be piercings :P
Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
its nice but i do it too quickly
You find out milk crates have so many uses.
i have no contact whatsoever with milk :D
The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).
yes, thursday to sunday, true
-
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
Ouch! </3
Loool
-
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
and thats why girls should trust guys more often and blindly :P
-
and thats why girls should trust guys more often and blindly :P
ya,, only those who are trust-worthy.. not all are.. :P :P
-
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
-
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talke d about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for hisbirthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .What about your son? '
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either....
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'
-
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
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Now i think im the only one who's posting these and the only one reading and laughing :D
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Now i think im the only one who's posting these and the only one reading and laughing :D
wow.. i thot you were a new member.. lol.. then i recognized you.. :P :D :D :D hhahahaaha
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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
Ive read this one tooo many times lollllol.. :D :D :D
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Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talke d about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for hisbirthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .What about your son? '
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either....
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'
hahahahaa.... omg.. rofl... :D :D :D :D :D
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wow.. i thot you were a new member.. lol.. then i recognized you.. :P :D :D :D hhahahaaha
:D :D :D
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:D :D :D
SPAMMER
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No one posts here, kya? >:(
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Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talke d about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for hisbirthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .What about your son? '
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either....
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'
hilarious! :D
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LMAO :D :D
Nice jokes :D :D
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:( Now this thread dead too :(