IGCSE/GCSE/O & A Level/IB/University Student Forum
General Chat NEW! The Student Forums Chatroom => Funnies => Topic started by: AL*Eagle on May 30, 2009, 10:49:32 am
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ok, I got this of a webstie.. I hope admins and mods wont lock this topic! PLZ DONT ( read it all then decide) k :P
DO NOT SKIP!! READ ALL!! and i promise u wont regret it!! PROMISE!
FUNNY AS HELL!!!!
so this one is talking about a girls first time:
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. :P :P ;)
hahahaha!! ya'll are dirty minded ppl :D! ok..
no this one is funny as ****!!! :
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
ok I hope I gave you guys a lil fun before going bak for studying >:( ,
AL*Eagle
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haha, liked them ;)
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LMAO!!
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Very innovative thinking. I guess i have to try that pissing trick once.
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hahahahah!!!!
soooo fuunnnyyyy!!!
goodnesss the first one reallii caught m breath!!!!
2nd one tooo good.... :D
hahahha......lolllllzzzzzzz
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OH MY GOD!! i was about to die while readin the first one!! hahahahahahahaha, its really funny!!
hey u should post this in the jokes thread not here!!lol!! its ok but its really funny!!haha!!
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I knew it from the beginning tht it was the dentist. i mean wht else can it b? :P
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oh panther, u have a very clean mind, lol :P
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hahahahaha we all are dirty ^_^
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i know i know!! ya'll are VERY innocent aren't u?
lmao!
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lol that was funny ,, my bad i read replies first
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HAHAHAHAHA ;D
LoL nice way to get ur mind off studies for a while ;) !!
thnxxx for makin us all have a good laugh durin these tough days of exams :D
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HAHAHAHAHA ;D
LoL nice way to get ur mind off studies for a while ;) !!
thnxxx for makin us all have a good laugh durin these tough days of exams :D
well, just dont drift far away with ur "Clean" minds :P jk
anytime..
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!
OMG THT FREAAAAAKED ME OUT :P :P :P :P :P
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shishhhhhh :D .. wen i was reading the 1st i started cursing .. and then i LMAO :D
omg .. ppl clean ur minds
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"ppl" not twilight :P lol jk..
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"ppl" not twilight :P lol jk..
heyyyy !!.. lolzzz :P
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Another one from me ...
Newton Law of love :
Love can never be created nor be destroyed ....... It changes from one girlfriend to another ......Boy remain constant ......LOL
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Another one from me ...
Newton Law of love :
Love can never be created nor be destroyed ....... It changes from one girlfriend to another ......Boy remain constant ......LOL
tch tch.....this shows hw big tym betrayals u guys r!!!!!!!!!!!
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Another one from me ...
Newton Law of love :
Love can never be created nor be destroyed ....... It changes from one girlfriend to another ......Boy remain constant ......LOL
AHAHAHA!!!! LOL!!
nice one...
although some girls cannot be changed or replaced.. SOME NOT ALL!
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lol... and Im wondering who u've got in mind, for u to emphasize of the "SOME" ...:P
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wohoooo "some" ;) ;) ;)
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ok u got me..
next time ill try to be more.... "Mysterious" :P
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Another one from me ...
Newton Law of love :
Love can never be created nor be destroyed ....... It changes from one girlfriend to another ......Boy remain constant ......LOL
tch tch.....this shows hw big tym betrayals u guys r!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are u worrying ?? I hope u get a loyal husband :P ....becuz if u are looking for boyfreind ........every boyfreind will some or the other time will leave u
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lol.. u chattin bout urself Uzair ? :P
Jokkes.....:P
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lol.. u chattin bout urself Uzair ? :P
Jokkes.....:P
Well let me inform u roxy first .....that i am not a gay ......which will end up all your confusion ....... as u know a man cant have a boy freind in normal cases ........ I hope it's clear now ;D
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lol. 2st ov all tht was no y confusion.. and 2nd of all if it was my confusion, Imglad u cleared it up
:P :P
Jokin mate
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haha AWESOME jokes +rep for you^^
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Thanks hdbkiwi
and I'm the 1 who got confused uzair nd roxy.. I dunno wat the hell ya'll talkin about :\
lol :P
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IS THT LEGAL.... OH WAIT IT IS its a dentist lmao
darn, tht sucked (in a goodway to remove ure heads from the exam) but lol, how to clean our heads?!!!!!
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with soap and water .. dont 4get the finishing ..using brain shampoo..rinse and repeat if necessary(i.e. if the brain is too ...hmmm.. lets say "unclean"...
lol
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loool.. we may also need scrubers...:P
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i wonder if our brain will be left afta all this...
hahahaha.....lollll.. :D :D
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well wots better ... and infected mind.. or no mind ...:P
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i think infected's f9...atleast vhv got sum... :D :D
sumthing is betta than nuthin... 8)
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just keep ur dirty minds... better than losing all of it :P
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loooll..!!
I suppose so :P
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZ
That was soooooo funny a was laughin for hours.
Thanks MAN +REP
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I even wrote a instead of i
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZ
That was soooooo funny a was laughin for hours.
Thanks MAN +REP
lol! happy u liked it! :)
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what was i even thinking ??? ;D
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I just read it again and STILL LAUGHED. wow is that sad?? ;D
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just keep ur dirty minds... better than losing all of it :P
lolzz ppl ur funny .. :D
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I'm gonna READ it to my MOM (roxy's dare lol) :)
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I'm gonna READ it to my MOM (roxy's dare lol) :)
omg .. shez gonna kill u b4 u finish the story .. hahahahaa LMAO
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loooolll.. tel me about it dudetttee !!:P
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AHAHAH!!!
if hdbkiwi never comes online again... its roxie's fault :P!! LOL!!
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mayb he's broken all over .. bones broken .. lolzzz ;D
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LOOOOL.... !!!
He sed that his mum wont mind... I was well suprised tho ... hehe .. I mean who reads that to their MOM !?!
Hahaha .. wow ... chilled out init ... :P
anywayz kiwi sed that his mums got sense of humour ...lool....wooww !!
if that was me .. I'll be slaughtered :P
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Subject: New Sick Leave Policy by HR
Sickness: No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
Death: Other than your own. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Own Death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.
Restroom Usage: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.
We appreciate your cooperation.
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Subject: New Sick Leave Policy by HR
Sickness: No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
Death: Other than your own. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Own Death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.
Restroom Usage: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.
We appreciate your cooperation.
LMAO!!!
betta resign!!! haha!!!
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hahahahahaahha!! lmao!
that was hilarious! ;D ;D ;D
By the way, it's you with the dirty mind ;) you thinking we have a dirty mind makes you the one knowing that we will think dirty mind ;) so we all have dirty minds including you ;) ;) :P :P :P