The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
Fisherman:Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms
and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph
of motor boat.
Salesman:Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the
original, genuine
article. One of the most handsome and smartest
bachelor's around is
now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one
he chooses!
Has own house, car and successful career!
Economis:tI am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my
requirements are high.
However the Elasticity of my demands should not
bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
Mathematician:Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must
be numerate
and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to
help further my family unit.
IT Consultant:Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of
my current flows of information and processes is
slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve
efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
Business Man:Wife wanted for company.
Politician:I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the
ways we live, to
harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past
differences
and short comings. I believe that we the people need
someone to share
our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear
the social
responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society................. (etc etc and never getting to
the point)
Car Dealer:Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in
excellent working condition.
Farmer:Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
Lawyer:I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible
candidate for the
post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm
looking for should
be strictly - a girl. The girl should be strictly a
girl, with
evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The
girl should be
willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction
of My Lord i.e.
Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not
be sustained.
Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are
null and void in
the event of failure on our part of any kind
whatsoever
Pilot:Wife required to complete my life. Please only level
headed
applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds,
but have her
feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for
the long haul.
And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically
sound!!!
Banker:Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me
with her service
Accountant:Required a girl - 5'8". She must be averse to making
unnecessary
expenditure and her very nature should be one of
generating as few
expenses in my life as possible. She should profit
from a nice
personality and be a credit to her family.
Drinker:Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a
drinks factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when
friends come round.
Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl
preferred who can
carry me from bar to home. Meet personally
in a bar or send
drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
Mini Cab Driver:Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm
calling from
base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving
license not
necessary, but maps reading skills are a bonus.
Builder:Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my
life. Must be
homely and willing to build relationship from the
ground up.
Doctor:I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my
life. However if
you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine
by me.
Army Commando:My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife.
Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a
compass. She who
dares wins. Camouflage provided
Race Car Driver:A model wife required to fit in with my fast track
life. Must be able
to keep pace!
Astronaut:I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to
share my universe. Must have looks that are out of
this world
