Author Topic: Clean jokes thread!!! (Read 153642 times)

I'm a mistake - legalize abortion! · « **Reply #420 on:** June 28, 2010, 05:26:43 pm »

Yo

I know the Whole Truth ****

At school a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

nid404 · « **Reply #421 on:** June 28, 2010, 05:35:25 pm »

Hahahaha!

exam · « **Reply #422 on:** June 30, 2010, 06:44:28 am »

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned
from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 7 June'07

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers
here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

With regards-

Your loving Hubby

nid404 · « **Reply #423 on:** June 30, 2010, 03:59:34 pm »

mohit1234 · « **Reply #424 on:** June 30, 2010, 05:27:37 pm »

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: " Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£105,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £450,000" for it.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £410,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £40,000 if it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

dodi23 · « **Reply #425 on:** June 30, 2010, 08:55:34 pm »

Quote from: mohit1234 on June 30, 2010, 05:27:37 pm

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: " Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£105,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £450,000" for it.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £410,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £40,000 if it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

LMFAOOOOOOOO +REP MAAN!!!!
I ALMOST FELL OFF DA CHAIR FROM LAUGHTER!!!!

exam · « **Reply #426 on:** June 30, 2010, 08:57:56 pm »

hahahahaha

nicee 1

dodi23 · « **Reply #427 on:** June 30, 2010, 09:00:19 pm »

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends
wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business
site and the owner read the card,…. "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was,
the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than
getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking
place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… 'Congratulations on
your new location!'"

The Golden Girl =D · « **Reply #428 on:** June 30, 2010, 09:06:12 pm »

Quote from: mohit1234 on June 30, 2010, 05:27:37 pm

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: " Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£105,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £450,000" for it.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £410,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £40,000 if it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

OMG

..that's srsly hilarious

D: D:D

dodi23 · « **Reply #429 on:** June 30, 2010, 09:22:17 pm »

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they
recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make
it "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when
they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to
the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for
his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed
up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying
on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
"Why didn't you come to our date?"

Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me
to go…" : ) …...

The Golden Girl =D · « **Reply #430 on:** June 30, 2010, 09:26:51 pm »

aewa di ..lol .. ive heard it b4 bas bil 3arabi lol

dodi23 · « **Reply #431 on:** June 30, 2010, 09:35:15 pm »

Girl "…And are you sure you love me and no one else
?"

Boy: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Waiter :- Would you like to Have BLACK COFFEE..

COUSTOMER : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The
others all died".

guMnam · « **Reply #432 on:** July 01, 2010, 09:08:16 am »

hahahhaha lmao...

I'm a mistake - legalize abortion! · « **Reply #433 on:** July 01, 2010, 12:48:02 pm »

American Football Players ***

An American football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

I'm a mistake - legalize abortion! · « **Reply #434 on:** July 01, 2010, 01:07:03 pm »

Hot day in Texas

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing.

"Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked.

"Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied.

The old man asked, "Does that help?"

The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

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