General Chat NEW! The Student Forums Chatroom > Funnies
Clean jokes thread!!!
DrEvil:
Buddhist at the Dentist
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s
Novocain during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
DrEvil:
Buddhist Monks and the Prayer Flag
Four Buddhist monks were meditating in a monastery. All of
a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said:
“Flag is flapping”
A more experienced monk said: “Wind is flapping”
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years
said: “Mind is flapping.”
The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed:
“Mouths are flapping!”
DrEvil:
Earl and His Friends
Earl was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know
everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone,
and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Earl
how about Tom Cruise?”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.“
So Earl and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on
Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts,
“Earl! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in
and join me for lunch!”
Although impressed, Earl’s boss is still skeptical. After
they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Earl that he thinks Earl’s
knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone
else,” Earl says.
“President Clinton,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yes,” Earl says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington.”
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Earl on
the tour and motions him and his boss over saying, “Earl,
what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you
and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee
first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his
doubts to Earl, who again implores him to name anyone
else.
“The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Earl. “My folks
are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.”
So off they fly to Rome. Earl and his boss are assembled
with the masses in Vatican Square when Earl says, “This
will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all
these people. Tell you what: I know all the guards, so let
me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with
the Pope.”
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the
Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later, Earl emerges with
the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Earl returns, he
finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded
by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss’ side, Earl asks him, “What
happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and
the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me
said, “Who’s that on the balcony with Earl?”
DrEvil:
Holmes and Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the
night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful
friend awake. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what
you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we
are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
“Watson, someone has stolen our tent.”
DrEvil:
Van Goghs’ Relatives
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the
artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them
were:
His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn
Gogh
His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s American half brother: Grin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie
Bay Gogh
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version