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Clean jokes thread!!!
DrEvil:
Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a
nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that
the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference
centre that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are
here, and you could have." explains the manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man
again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,
"But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"
he says, "This check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
DrEvil:
A certain English lady visited Switzerland and was having
difficulty finding a room, so she asked the local
schoolmaster to help her. After a satisfactory room had
been found, she returned to her home and did some packing.
Suddenly, it occurred to her that she hadn't noticed a
W.C. (in England, the toilet is called a Water Closet),
so she wrote the schoolmaster about the W.C.
The Schoolmaster, not knowing the meaning, asked the parish
priest and together they decided that it must mean
"Wayside Chapel." He wrote her the following letter:
Dear Madame,
It is my pleasure to inform you that there is a W.C.
just 9 miles from your home, in the center of a grove of
pine trees. It seats 229 people, and it is open on
Thursdays and Sundays. This is an unfortunate situation
if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will, no
doubt, be glad to hear that some people bring their
lunches and make a day of it.
I would especially recommend Thursdays, for then there
is an Organ accompaniment. The accoustics in the W.C.
are excellent; even the most delicate sound can be heard.
My son was married in the W.C. and there was such a rush
for seats that 10 people had to sit in the same seat. The
looks on their faces were very interesting.
My wife is sickly but dedicated. She doesn't go regularly,
and she hasn't gone for nearly a year.
I will be glad to reserve a seat in the W.C. for you,
where you will be seen and heard by everyone.
Hoping I have been of some assistance.
Sincerely yours,
The Schoolmaster
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Nice drevil!! :D -rep!! :P :P
Kim:
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class." ;D ;D
Kim:
Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the University of Virginia to party with some friends.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virginia for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple about morality and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
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