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Clean jokes thread!!!
Meticulous:
LOL @ canada
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Clinton and the Pope in Heaven
On the same day, the Pope and Bill Clinton died. There was a major screw up. By accident, Bill Clinton was sent to heaven, while the Pope was sent to hell.
IN HELL:
The Pope: Excuse me Satan, there must be a great deal of confusion. I have lived my life as a servant of the Lord. There must be a slight misunderstanding. I should be in heaven with God.
Satan: I can't believe they messed up again. There's no way you belong here. I'll contact heaven, but it's going to take 24 hours before we can fix it.
The Pope: Worry not, my son.
24 hours later:
Satan: Once again, we're sorry. You can leave now. Just make sure you tell Clinton to come here.
The Pope: Sure thing.
On the way to heaven, the Pope meets up with Clinton, half-way.
The Pope: There was a mix up. You have to meet with your destiny. I, being highly religious, would take the fall for you. But my final dream is to meet the Virgin Mary.
Bill Clinton: Thanks for the sympathy, but you're a day late.
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Spread some laughter dudes. :P
Letter for a New Bike
One day little Johnny asked his mother for a new bike.
His mother said, At Christmas you send a letter to Santa to ask for what you want, don't you?"
"Yes," replied Johnny, "but it isn't Christmas."
His mother said, "Yes, but you can send a letter to Jesus and ask him."
Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter: Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy and I would like a new bike. Your Friend, Johnny
He thought about this and decided to start a new letter. Dear Jesus, Sometimes I'm a good boy and I would like a new bike.
He thought about this and decided to write another letter. Dear Jesus, I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike.
He thought about this and decided that he didn't like that one either. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mary in the front yard. He picked up the statue and hurried home.
He put the statue under the bed and started his new letter. Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, send me a new bike!!! Your Friend, Johnny.
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
Another one. ;D
Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a Stop n' Go with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by another long black hearse about 50 feet back.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file. The guy couldn't stand the curiosity.
He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said "Sir, I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?" The man replied "Well, that first hearse is for my wife." "What happened to her?" The man replied "My dog bit her and she died."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned and bit her and she died."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
"Sir, could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!:
School's Out
It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early."
Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."
The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave."
Johnny was mad that Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave."
Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first.
The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."
Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bi***es would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"
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