Marriage

[sweetest angel]

i hate to disagree but.....i dnt really buy into this love thing. i don't believe in it. although i see everybody around in my family happily married and my parents are as well...i just dnt believe in a person who'd stay there forever..i mean GOD i'd get bored the next year ><. and why would a girl, after getting out of her parents control, like say 21 years old, would go into some other man's control. can't i b normal just by myself? do i have to BELONG to same male so that i am human? and what kind of common sense makes one believe that a man would always see her as the most perfect :/. if he liked u for your looks, their is always the more beautiful...for ur persona? there is always the more confident, smart,etc...!

so WTH. i'll love to live for me and only me. not for some man who'd think just because i have an XY chromosome i'll have to posses qualities like cooking and cleaning. these are not sex linked genes u know!! sry am a bio student .

i believe in equality between male and female. marriage destroys everything i believe in. from having his name after your kid's (whom u gave birth to AND raised!) to having him set the rules in the house! when will u ppl b unblinded from that repetitive "love" talk -__-. the only love i'll ever give is to my parents and grandparents, whom very much deserve it!

[Alpha]

i hate to disagree but.....i dnt really buy into this love thing. i don't believe in it. although i see everybody around in my family happily married and my parents are as well...i just dnt believe in a person who'd stay there forever..i mean GOD i'd get bored the next year ><. and why would a girl, after getting out of her parents control, like say 21 years old, would go into some other man's control. can't i b normal just by myself? do i have to BELONG to same male so that i am human? and what kind of common sense makes one believe that a man would always see her as the most perfect :/. if he liked u for your looks, their is always the more beautiful...for ur persona? there is always the more confident, smart,etc...!

For your look, for your persona, that's why love is of importance in a lifelong relationship.

Now to think, you can love someone before or after marriage. Before, it's good. And after, it's possible. Just like you learn to love your parents more than anyone in the world, though you never chose them. Love can be induced by care, companionship and fondness.

so WTH. i'll love to live for me and only me. not for some man who'd think just because i have an XY chromosome i'll have to posses qualities like cooking and cleaning. these are not sex linked genes u know!! sry am a bio student

It's your point of view. But remember it's in most dire circumstances that we realise that we sometimes need the company of others.

i believe in equality between male and female. marriage destroys everything i believe in. from having his name after your kid's (whom u gave birth to AND raised!) to having him set the rules in the house! when will u ppl b unblinded from that repetitive "love" talk -__-. the only love i'll ever give is to my parents and grandparents, whom very much deserve it!

Your parents and grandparents played their role to maintain the cycle of life-- and for this, you love them, because they very much deserve it. And now, when it's your turn...

By the way, we marry for one's own sake first, not for anybody else.

[Alpha]

By the way, there's a Hadith I very much admire, which goes somehow like this:

When a husband caresses his wife's hand, it equals to one great deed.
When he kisses her, it equals to two great deeds.
And when he unites with her, it equals to more than this world and all that it contains.

[sweetest angel]

that is in a world where the man cherished and respected his wife. sometimes more than she respected him. in this era you will find most, if not all men, crave attention. they expect their wives to put them above everything else and do not expect themselves to do the same thing. all i am saying here is that in this world where women are still fighting for their rights, it seems foolish to condemn yourself to a man. its a contradiction. even if you love a person, it does not mean that you will keep loving him/her for the rest of you lives. and if people would point out for me the married couples who lived happily everafter, i'll do the same with whom got cheated, betrayed, heartbroken and divorced.

marriage is like this big life dilemma that you create with your own hands, and you realize it when its too late to do anything about it. and it is a true fact that at least one partner in a relationship would have some regret that he/she missed something in life because of wives and kids. Why do people see marriage as the normal continuity of life cycle? and then comes kids and responsibility. a dilemma i tell you!

[Alpha]

I beg to differ... I see today women are more masculine than the men are. They're more aggressive, more stubborn, more demanding, more uncompromising.

I'm from the same gender, but what is true cannot be denied. Women have lost their feminine qualities, those qualities that made them different from men. The eloquence and the elegance that defined their subtle nature.

Obedience is governance of a gentle kind.

Life itself is a dilemma. Everything bears reasons for complaints. Everybody will hunt reasons to complain, and differ. That's life.

And it is one unfortunate fact to realise, when death is at your doorstep, that you missed to do everything that you could have done. To give birth and raise is the primeval reason for existence. If kids do not come as responsibilities, life will throw other rocks on your shoulders.

Marriage is like a big ocean... To set sail and take risks is a choice. To stay ashore and watch others is another one.

[sweetest angel]

True. But to choose to sail into another ocean is a third.
 I have made up my mind that i'll be a women who's career would come first. That is what I have been working for and that is what i am dedicating my self t achieve.
 You are right, women have lost a big part of their feminine side. I do not find romance as something that i'll miss nor would my life seem unfruitful without kids. My life is prosperous as long as I score the goals I have set for myself, and not goals that others find vital. I would love to take on responsibilities that make a difference in my future, not a responsibility that will set a future for someone else. To have kids is a way to make your name remembered. However over the years it would be lost with generations to come. To climb the ladder in your field is something that would make your name remembered far after your death.

I live to make a positive change in the world. Having kids like a rabbit is not one, I would be increasing the population by one that's all. And don't tell me your kids would make a better future. If i want a better future i'll make one myself.

[Alpha]

There is only one ocean... 

We just give them different names, but all the water is interrelated.

But it's wrong to think marital life will be an obstacle in your way. It could be a push. (Esp. if you get a husband like Borakk.  )

Having kids will not be your destination, it will be a supplement to your voyage. That's different, totally different. Nobody said women will never be successful if they got married, that's an outdated belief. Nor are men nor women behind each others' success, both stand together. They support each other. They are each others' pivot and help intimately to face the world outside.

Your future, your future... It's good to think about your future. But not with the wrong mindset.

I didn't get what you mean by positive change since we're all kids of somebody else.

[sweetest angel]

There is only one ocean... 

We just give them different names, but all the water is interrelated.

But it's wrong to think marital life will be an obstacle in your way. It could be a push. (Esp. if you get a husband like Borakk.  )

if they are interrelated, why do you say that i would be a mere spectator. I'll sail, just not in the directions that others go.
"a push"?. tell me one thing. As a woman, with kids, who wants to go outside for say, a doctorate degree. Your husband works in the country. Will you, as a married woman, have the final saying if you should or shouldn't go? the answer is NO. You will consider other things first, like your kids, your husband's work and other aspects of people or things dependent on you. Don't tell me as a married couple you will work it out, cause you don't. You will have to come with terms to the fact that your family is first. Even if this comes willingly, it never the less wouldn't have been the choice as a single lady.

Having kids will not be your destination, it will be a supplement to your voyage. That's different, totally different. Nobody said women will never be successful if they got married, that's an outdated belief. Nor are men nor women behind each others' success, both stand together. They support each other. They are each others' pivot and help intimately to face the world outside.

True. But do you mean to say that you can't do that independently? You can, with no obligations or commitments.

Your future, your future... It's good to think about your future. But not with the wrong mindset.

I didn't get what you mean by positive change since we're all kids of somebody else.

if say, your parents have not given birth to you, their lives would have changed tremendously. to the better maybe?

[sweetest angel]

sry my typing is included into the quote box

[Ukhti-R]

Thanks guys!

Im trying to get myself involved in the debate section, but you guys all have such strong view points, and the way you lay your points out is amazing, so I don't really feel I fit in. lol.

Anyway's I'll try, but- Im not as good as you all (:

[Alpha]

Thanks guys!

Im trying to get myself involved in the debate section, but you guys all have such strong view points, and the way you lay your points out is amazing, so I don't really feel I fit in. lol.

Anyway's I'll try, but- Im not as good as you all (:

We all moved a bit and are making place for you to enter... 

[Ukhti-R]

What type of person do I want to marry?

My religion tells me what type of person to marry.

“When one of you receives a proposal from such a person with whose Deen (piety) and character you are pleased then marry him/her to the person, and if you reject it there will be widespread corruption on earth”  (Tirmidhi)

So If I am pleased with his character, and If I feel attracted to him then I will marry him, and leave the rest up to Allah.
(:

[Alpha]

What type of person do I want to marry?

My religion tells me what type of person to marry.

“When one of you receives a proposal from such a person with whose Deen (piety) and character you are pleased then marry him/her to the person, and if you reject it there will be widespread corruption on earth”  (Tirmidhi)

So If I am pleased with his character, and If I feel attracted to him then I will marry him, and leave the rest up to Allah.
(:

What are the things that will make him a magnet for you? 

[$tyli$h Executive]

Roxy, you are a good debater! Join in!

Sweetest angel does have a point! She wants to progress her career. That is what a women should do and that comes before this marriage thing, IMHO. This will result in prosperity of the society we live in if when women gets a chance to progress their career as they wish.

Alpha, and whats that ' it can be a push for husband like Borakk'?!

[Alpha]

Sweetest Angel, I'll continue with yours later... Have to do something first, just posting short for now.

Alpha, and whats that ' it can be a push for husband like Borakk'?!

 

Read well! 

Esp. if you get a husband like Borakk.

Seeing you everyday, she'll automatically get inspired to work for her goals.