JOKES AND Riddles!!

[Monica]

ummmm.. Reishamix just thanked yall .. 

for wat

[sanity_master]

ummmm.. Reishamix just thanked yall .. 

for wat

forget about it......she is banned (not by me).

[sweetsh]

I'm happy someone did it! I was waiting this moment!!!

[Monica]

she got banned

that was fast lol!!

[sanity_master]

I'm happy someone did it! I was waiting this moment!!!

who will approve for cryp's deletion ??

[sanity_master]

Perfect Tee Shot


A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

[sanity_master]

Deadly Golf Trap
   

Jim and Bob are golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine and climbs down in search of it.

Jim spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to Bob in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, I got trouble down here."

Bob calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron. You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

[sanity_master]

hahahahhahhahahha.......the last one is hilarious

loved it lol

[sanity_master]

The Engineer at the Golf Course


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.

The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.

The group is silent for a moment.

The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

[sanity_master]

Q: What's the difference between  a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
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A: A golfer goes "whack" and yells, "Damn!", while a skydiver yells, "Damn!" and goes "whack."

[sanity_master]

Walks Into a Bar... String Style
   

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."



noticed the rhyme? lol hahhaa

[sanity_master]

Walks Into a Bar... Got Grapes?
   

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

[sanity_master]

hahahahhahahahaha......that duck is hilarious  hahahha


i know its weird or funny for me laughing at my jokes lol hahhaa

[sanity_master]

Walks Into a Bar... Donkeyboy
   

Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, "Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink." The bartender gets him a drink.

Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.

Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he call you Donkeyboy?"

"I don't know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that."

[sanity_master]

Walks Into a Bar... Seeing-Eye Dog
   

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.

Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, "What the hell are you doing?"

The blind man turns toward the patron and says, "Oh, nothing, just looking around."