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Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 369017 times)

Offline Arthur Bon Zavi

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5475 on: September 22, 2011, 02:59:09 pm »
Diary of a Young Wife

*Monday:*

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.

It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe
said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do
that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out
fine though.

*Tuesday:*

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without
dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for
supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them; I think
it was the salad.

*Wednesday:*

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before
steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say
it improved the rice anyhow.

*Thursday:*

Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.

It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before
serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I
tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one
hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all
right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work; I'll try to be supportive.

*Friday:*

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a
bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been
something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it
looked the same as when I left it.

*Saturday:*

Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it
for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed
back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes.
I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting
to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the
chicken to dance.

When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me?
Why me?"

Hmmm....I guess...It must be his job.
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Offline Banana

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5476 on: September 24, 2011, 09:10:06 am »
^Haaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;D

Why meee? <---this was funnnny  ;D
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Offline Locke Lamora

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5477 on: December 21, 2011, 03:22:28 pm »
I was in my first serious study class of anatomy... The prof was teaching and I was writing my thesis as soon as the words were absorbed by my brain... This is what I came up with by the end of the lecture...

Both a joke and a riddle; Med students will understand... :P

TO DESCRIBE A HEADACHE....

The superior part of my cranial anatomy, if observed proximally, either coronally or mid-sagitally, has an excitation of the axons and dendrites of pain receptors. This excitation lies mostly lateral to the medial line, distal from the center of the brain. Said excitation causes the proximal surface of my skull, relative to the brain, to seem to want to abduct and my brain to perform circus-like contortional circumductions.
Due to all this, I want to abduct all the fingers of my hand, flex all except the axial one, which does not abduct, and display such to the subject I have unfortunately married...
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Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5478 on: December 21, 2011, 03:32:26 pm »
Quote from: Locke Lamora on December 21, 2011, 03:22:28 pm
I was in my first serious study class of anatomy... The prof was teaching and I was writing my thesis as soon as the words were absorbed by my brain... This is what I came up with by the end of the lecture...

Both a joke and a riddle; Med students will understand... :P

TO DESCRIBE A HEADACHE....

The superior part of my cranial anatomy, if observed proximally, either coronally or mid-sagitally, has an excitation of the axons and dendrites of pain receptors. This excitation lies mostly lateral to the medial line, distal from the center of the brain. Said excitation causes the proximal surface of my skull, relative to the brain, to seem to want to abduct and my brain to perform circus-like contortional circumductions.
Due to all this, I want to abduct all the fingers of my hand, flex all except the axial one, which does not abduct, and display such to the subject I have unfortunately married...
LOL ;D
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Offline Locke Lamora

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5479 on: December 21, 2011, 03:52:56 pm »
Quote from: Somebody on SF ... on December 21, 2011, 03:32:26 pm
LOL ;D

Thanks! I take it as a compliment!

Though nearly none of my classmates bothered to read it.... ::)
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Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5480 on: December 21, 2011, 03:59:06 pm »
Quote from: Locke Lamora on December 21, 2011, 03:52:56 pm
Thanks! I take it as a compliment!

Though nearly none of my classmates bothered to read it.... ::)
It did take a lot of reading ... Never knew you were in the medical field. :D
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Offline Locke Lamora

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5481 on: December 21, 2011, 05:21:41 pm »
Quote from: Somebody on SF ... on December 21, 2011, 03:59:06 pm
It did take a lot of reading ... Never knew you were in the medical field. :D

And remembering? Its designed as a humourous revision strategy... :P

I am! I did post it somewhere... I guess...
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Offline Romeesa-Chan

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5482 on: December 21, 2011, 05:22:47 pm »
Quote from: Locke Lamora on December 21, 2011, 05:21:41 pm
And remembering? Its designed as a humourous revision strategy... :P

I am! I did post it somewhere... I guess...
I'll be visiting this thread often then. :P It's an excellent strategy. :D

Hmmmm ... MBBS ? :D
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Offline Flamed-Ghoust

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5483 on: February 07, 2013, 05:20:40 pm »
How to not pay the speed fine!!!

A guy was stopped by a cop for speeding. Watch what happens.

Driver: Yeah, why did you stop me?  >:(
Cop: Do you know the speed of the road?  ???
Driver: Yeah, its 60, so, I was just moving on 100. :-\ 
Cop: License please.
Driver: Don't have. 8)
Cop: Ha??? you are driving the car without a license, give me the car papers then :-\
Driver: Oh those I saw them when I was putting the gun ;D
Cop: And you have gun :o
Driver: yeah its the gun I killed the owner of the car with  >:D, if you don't believe me look in the trunk, his body is in there.

The cop now calls for backup saying he is dealing with lunatic and needs immediate backup. Swat team comes with a high rank officer.
They check the car and they find no body and no gun as the cop reported. Now the officer talks to the driver.

Driver: Excuse me officer is anything wrong ???
Officer: I am sorry sir, it just looks like our man gave us some wrong info about you. May i see your license please?
Driver: Of course sir, here. :-\
Officer: what about the car papers?
Driver: Here sir.
Officer: I am sorry sir, its just that our cop said that u have a dead mans body in the trunk and a gun in the car, and that the car is stolen and you have no license.
Driver: What,I would like to report that cop please, I bet he said I broke the road's max speed. >:(



Hope you like this joke guys and I will put many more if you guys really like it.
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Offline astarmathsandphysics

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Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #5484 on: December 01, 2013, 08:53:18 am »
Anybody seen Rob Ford the disastrous Canadian politician? There must be a few jokes there.
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Offline cheade

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« Reply #5485 on: June 25, 2022, 10:48:30 pm »
Do you know any language or translators jokes? Heres one:

Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client : How long will it take?
Translator : About a week.
Client : A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6
days.
Translator : Then just take a look at this world and afterwards take a
look at my translation.
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