Author Topic: JOKES AND Riddles!!  (Read 359142 times)

Monica

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1080 on: June 01, 2009, 06:20:47 pm »
lol! i still didnt start yet...i am posting in the IGCSE...but here ill start from before the last page....

Q80BOY

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1081 on: June 01, 2009, 06:25:41 pm »
There was 3 women stuck on the side of a river. None of them could swim, so while they were figuring out how to get across, they found a bottle and a genie popped out and said that he woulg grant them i wish each.

So woman #1 jumps forward and said: "make me 100 times smarter" sooo... *pop*! She was, so she ran into a barn got out some straw and made a raft. She set it on the water sits on it it falls apart and she drowns.

So woman #2 jumps up and says: "make me 1000 times smarter" sooo... *pop*! She was, so she ran into the forest got some twigs built a raft put it on the water got half way across the river it fell apart he drowned and got washed away.

So woman #3 said to the genie: "make me a million times smarter" sooo... *pop*! She turned into a man and walked across the bridge.

 :P

AL*Eagle

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1082 on: June 01, 2009, 06:34:11 pm »
AHAHAHA!!!! LMAOO!!!

Ouch ladies.. :P

Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1083 on: June 01, 2009, 06:38:15 pm »
DAMN!
, Round II of GUYS VS GALS
AND THE WINNer..... VIA KNOCKOUT IS....... GUYS! :P
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Monica

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1084 on: June 01, 2009, 06:39:18 pm »
WATEVER!! u know that it is proved that girls r more clever than guys....and that there mind grow faster than that of a boy...even when they r babies they learn how to walk in a younger age than boys...EVEn they use the toilet....not pampers

Q80BOY

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1085 on: June 01, 2009, 06:42:25 pm »
Birthday Night Out
 
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she decides to take him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey Dave, how ya doin?"
His wife puzzled, asks if he's ever been here before?
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, the waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "Are you sure you've never been here before?".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife is furious and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her, but she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real **** tonight, Dave."
 


Q80BOY

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1086 on: June 01, 2009, 06:47:36 pm »
Drive-through cash-point 
 
Barclays have recently announced the arrival of the new 'Drive - Through' cash-point machine; users will be able to withdraw cash without having to leave their vehicle. To enable users to be utilise this new facility; the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. Male or Female) and remember them for when you first use the machines.

Male Procedure:

Drive up to cash machine.
Wind down window.
Insert card and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash to withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Wind up window.
Drive off.

Female Procedure:

Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse back 1 metre to align window to machine.
Stall engine.
Wind down window.
Enter handbag and remove make-up bag and locate card.
Check make-up in rear view mirror.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open door to allow easier access to machine, due to distance from car to machine.
Insert card.
Re-enter handbag to find cigarette packet with PIN number written on inside.
Insert PIN, press cancel and re-enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash to withdraw.
Check make-up and hair in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Locate purse and place cash inside.
Locate chequebook to file receipt.
Check make-up again.
Drive forward for 2 metres.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Locate cardholder in purse and enter card into slot.
Recheck make-up.
Restart engine and pull off.
Drive for 3 miles.
Release hand brake.
 

Q80BOY

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1087 on: June 01, 2009, 06:51:06 pm »
that's an exam answer  :P

Monica

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1088 on: June 01, 2009, 06:54:13 pm »
oh my god!! haha!! ya right!! that person is lier...and stupid tooo!! >:( >:( >:(

GUYS R    L.O.S.E.R.S

Offline astarmathsandphysics

  • SF Overlord
  • *********
  • Posts: 11271
  • Reputation: 65534
  • Gender: Male
  • Free the exam papers!
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1089 on: June 01, 2009, 06:54:38 pm »
Dont try these chat up lines

Dont mess me around darling, just take off your clothese and give me your money. IT DIDNT WORK!

When I orgasm darlin, parallel lines pulse and cross. How is it for you? NOPE!

WOW! You're a nig girl! OUCH! THAT HURT!


Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1090 on: June 01, 2009, 06:55:40 pm »
WATEVER!! u know that it is proved that girls r more clever than guys....and that there mind grow faster than that of a boy...even when they r babies they learn how to walk in a younger age than boys...EVEn they use the toilet....not pampers

Somebody is getting jealous

i wrecked my mind thinking of female genuises, and the on ly name that came up to my head was Marie Currie
one second thinking about male genuises, i have 4 names already: Pierre Currie (yea, he's Marie's husband lol) , Alfred Noble, Albert Einstein, Ahmad Zouille (or however hes spelt).
Athletes: People atlking about Michel Phelps, Ian Thorpe, Usain Bolt, Ismail Ahmed Ismail (:P),Roger Federer Rafel Nadal, and then a bit further down Maria Sharapova and Ivanovic (and they ain't mentioned because of their athleticism either :P)

and maybe our brains take so mch time to develope cause we develope further than famels?! didn't you think of that?!

OUCH!
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline astarmathsandphysics

  • SF Overlord
  • *********
  • Posts: 11271
  • Reputation: 65534
  • Gender: Male
  • Free the exam papers!
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1091 on: June 01, 2009, 07:00:46 pm »
Or maybe men are either very good or bad at something, but women are all just average!


Actually I dont think this is true. I think Most men are ver stupid, and women are more intelligent than men. In the UK there are now women medical students than men now.

Q80BOY

  • Guest
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1092 on: June 01, 2009, 07:02:58 pm »
another exam question  :P

Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1093 on: June 01, 2009, 07:04:14 pm »
Or maybe men are either very good or bad at something, but women are all just average!


Actually I dont think this is true. I think Most men are ver stupid, and women are more intelligent than men. In the UK there are now women medical students than men now.

In the U.K. only! The UK is only part of the world! C'mon Astar, r u turning against your own gender?!
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely

Offline O.T.13.

  • SF V.I.P
  • ********
  • Posts: 6630
  • Reputation: 20760
  • Gender: Male
Re: JOKES AND Riddles!!
« Reply #1094 on: June 01, 2009, 07:05:36 pm »
Nothing is worse than being surrounded by people and yet you still feel lonely