JOKES AND Riddles!!

[dodi23]

resons why god created eve:

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!" And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than THAT!"

[dodi23]

another 1:
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

[guMnam]

Password rejected

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate
point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock
effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to
enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying
in.

"P....E....N....I....S.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

this one is sooooo old...but still made me laugh..

[immortal]

resons why god created eve:

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

It waz eve who persisted on Adam on eating da forbidden fruit , thus ure other points r baseless..
if u deny da fact v arnt in heaven because Eve. 

[guMnam]

It waz eve who persisted on Adam on eating da forbidden fruit , thus ure other points r baseless..
if u deny da fact v arnt in heaven because Eve. 

i agree

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Alright guys, lets not argue .
To lighten the mood, here's another one

                    IF THE RING FITS, WEAR IT

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. 

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Alright, here's another one This one's hilarious

                             NEED A BAD DAY TO GET INTO HEAVEN


It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony ofthe apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

[haris94]

hahahahaha.........nice one

[WARRIOR]

hahaha lord nice ones

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Since Nobody's posting, I'll continue

                                          Sexy Watch

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch." Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."

"Rubbish," says the girl.

"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."

"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."

"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"

[Kim]

haha nice
man u are like a walkin talkin encyclopedia of jokes!!!!!!!!haha

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Another one-

                             Restroom Etiquette

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word "toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."

[WARRIOR]

loooooool it took me a while to understadn tht lol  !

[I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!]

Here's Another one for ya


                            TYPES OF GUYS IN THE MEN'S ROOM


Being a man myself, I've learned in my 17 long years that there are many different types of restroom users. You've seen them, the guy entirely too busy to notice that he's taking a leak on himself or the guy that sticks half his body inside the wall urinal so nobody else can see him. Well, now you know what they're called.

    * Absent Minded - Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

    * Childish - Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

    * Worried - Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

    * Clever - No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

    * Conceited - Holds his two-inch pecker like a baseball bat.

    * Crosseyed - Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

    * Desperate - Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

    * Disgruntled - Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

    * Drunk - Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

    * Efficient - Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

    * Fat - Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

    * Excitable - Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

    * Frivolous - Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

    * Indifferent - All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

    * Little - Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

    * Patient - Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

    * Radical - Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

    * Sneak - Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

    * Sociable - Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

    * Timid - Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

    * Tough - Bangs his "stuff" on side of urinal to dry it.

    

[Q80BOY]

oh my gosh Lord you're a laughter machine!!!!! hahahaha